devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

sukysue

Oh btw, the whole 'she's sitting on the sofa' thing would cause the red mist to descend for me. I'd be furious!

OMG me too that is the one thing that really rankled with me when I read this thread. The sheer arrogance of them! As if they were having one over on the people who they profess to love. This isn't love op you need to think very seriously and calmly what you really want to do. My instinct is to tell you to chuck him out and divorce him and tell the hubby but .... that is the knee jerk reaction of someone who has been hurt and deceived don't do anything hasty just think very carefully.Good luck my dear .

danih

Just sending hugs. I'm not long married myself, we are also trying for a baby. I can't bare to think about how hard this must be for you

Xxx

CustardAndPickles

Having read the thread - and knocked the read count up - I'm really just posting to wish RocketQueen the very best. My understanding is that the two of you have been together for over a decade and now you're married as well - being in this situation is not something I would wish on anyone.

The only thing I would say - as others have - is not to rush into any decision. I'd maybe look at marriage counselling to see if you feel the relationship can be saved - even if after that you feel you can't trust him and want to go your own way then the counselling will help you work through the pain and anger.

Good luck.

Guineapigsqueaks

RQ. There is so much I could say to you, I was exactly where you are this time last year and with two children involved. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, such unbearable pain. I could tell you how I reacted, but everyone's relationship is different and I acted based on my own relationship and the fact that I had forgiven my OH once before. I had to get it all out in the open so that I couldn't go back on my decision to stand up for myself and so that's what I did. But there are always options, and it is for you to decide what is best for you, when you are ready. Just make sure it's what you want, not what he wants. And you may make one decision now and change your mind down the line, that's fine too. But it's such early days for you, I just wanted to share with you that for several weeks, I couldn't sleep or eat. I remember taking an hour to eat half a sandwich, it was so difficult. I remember being sick I was so distraught, and sobbing and sobbing. But I promise you it will get easier and you will get stronger, little by little. You won't always feel like this. Take it an hour at a time, congratulate yourself on everything you manage to do, nibble on something, if it takes an hour to eat a biscuit, so be it. You will, eventually, sleep for a few hours. Then you'll be surprised that you managed longer. Be kind to yourself and be proud that you are not the sort of person who would do what your OH and the OW have done. Hugs.
Guineapigsqueaks x

candygirl

poorly_scammo wrote: »

I've quoted this not because I'm having a go at ViolaLass but because I'm using her comment as a prompt.

I see nothing wrong with the following, "I've just found out that your son (insert name) has been arranging to have sex with another woman. I want you to know this because I've asked him to leave while I have some space to think about things and that I'm aware that he might come to see you and thought you should know what is going on."

The ball is in his court then.

Oh btw, the whole 'she's sitting on the sofa' thing would cause the red mist to descend for me. I'd be furious!

That's the bit that made me freak out too!!How the **** dare he take the pee out of you like that, while flirting and doing God knows what at the same time!!:mad::mad:Thank God you aren't pregnant yet!!GET RID OF HIM ASAP, or it'll get even more messy:(:(

sparklyshoe

sending huge ***hugs***

MrsAtobe

ViolaLass wrote: »

Seriously, running to his mother because he had an affair??

What need is there to involve the mother at this point? The OP hasn't decided what she wants to do yet. If they stay together and the mother knows, it could make things difficult.

My OH has had it made abundantly clear to him that if he ever cheats on me, then the first people to know will be his mother and his sister. My father cheated on my mother, it is not something I will ever forgive. Trust me, the thought of them acting in tandem scares even me !

tinkerbell28

That's the thing, is it out of character? It's not a one off drunken fumble he cannot remember.

He actively got off on doing it whilst you were next to him, whilst you were in the house, planned meets around your work....

I can see why you are concerned about Saturday. You'd think they maybe scared off about the husband finding out. But considering their biggest thrills seem to have been sexting in view of their spouses.....I wouldn't be confident of that.

So it all boils down to, is this him, the real him? Only you can know that. I think you're going through the stages of "grief". For the relationship you thought you had. Shock will come first, then the anger will kick in at exactly what he has done.

candygirl

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

That's the thing, is it out of character? It's not a one off drunken fumble he cannot remember.

He actively got off on doing it whilst you were next to him, whilst you were in the house, planned meets around your work....

I can see why you are concerned about Saturday. You'd think they maybe scared off about the husband finding out. But considering their biggest thrills seem to have been sexting in view of their spouses.....I wouldn't be confident of that.

So it all boils down to, is this him, the real him? Only you can know that. I think you're going through the stages of "grief". For the relationship you thought you had. Shock will come first, then the anger will kick in at exactly what he has done.

That, and the fact she says they are ok in the bedroom department, makes me think he will always get off on this kind of sick and twisted deceit:mad::mad:Talk about pathetic gggrrrrrr:mad::mad:

FBaby

OP, Whatever you chose to do, DON'T bury the issue however tempting it is, especially if he does everything to make it up, throws excuses after excuses, and it would seem to be so much easier to put it behind as a mistake that won't ever occur again and start again where you left off.

The reality is that he did something you never once thought he would ever do. Unless you get to the matter of what got him there, how are you ever going to trust him again? And what if you do manage to do so, and the 'issue' that took him there the first time takes him there again?

What has happened *could* make your marriage even stronger, but you will need to face it together.