Fathers access to my 8 month old baby

pyjamadays

The health visitor did refer her concerns, they had a meeting about it involving the police. It was the police & the health visitor that recomended limited contact so that a bond did not develop...this is so that my baby didn't come to any harm mentally or physically now or in the future! if this was a normal split and he was a decent person then there would be no concerns about access, but there is.

paulineb_2

pyjamadays wrote: »

The health visitor did refer her concerns, they had a meeting about it involving the police. It was the police & the health visitor that recomended limited contact so that a bond did not develop...this is so that my baby didn't come to any harm mentally or physically now or in the future! if this was a normal split and he was a decent person then there would be no concerns about access, but there is.

So why have you posted the thread when you seem to have your mind made up and there are concerns about him?

People cant help you when you wont tell people what the issues are, thats already been said earlier on.

Its hard to advise when you only know part of whats been going on

pyjamadays

I don't know. Because I'm confused about it, not good at sticking up for myself & not sure what's for

marisco_2

If there really was that level of concern about how contact with his father would affect your son, your ex would not be seeing him alone with you in your home. He would be seeing him in a supervised environment at a contact centre. No professional recommends that limited contact takes place so as there isn't a chance for a bond to develop. That would not be fair on the child or parent.

angelsmomma

pyjamadays wrote: »

The health visitor did refer her concerns, they had a meeting about it involving the police. It was the police & the health visitor that recomended limited contact so that a bond did not develop...this is so that my baby didn't come to any harm mentally or physically now or in the future! if this was a normal split and he was a decent person then there would be no concerns about access, but there is.

I don't believe this. If the police and HV think this fathers rights should be taken from him it would need a court order to enforce it.

They can't just decide between them to remove his rights of access, only a court can do that. He has parental responsibility for this child and if these people think he is a risk then they should be referring to social services or the courts.

pyjamadays

It really doesn't matter what you think or believe was or wasn't said. It was and that's all there is to say. Everything that has happened & was said is all written down, purposefully a kept paper trail by them incase he did want to go to court for access, which they said he wouldn't be granted.

jumpedtheshark

pyjamadays wrote: »

It really doesn't matter what you think or believe was or wasn't said. It was and that's all there is to say. Everything that has happened & was said is all written down, purposefully a kept paper trail by them incase he did want to go to court for access, which they said he wouldn't be granted.

If this is true, there's no need for this thread at all.

Good luck with everything OP.

angelsmomma

pyjamadays wrote: »

It really doesn't matter what you think or believe was or wasn't said. It was and that's all there is to say. Everything that has happened & was said is all written down, purposefully a kept paper trail by them incase he did want to go to court for access, which they said he wouldn't be granted.

Only a family court judge can make that decision and it is only made in extreme circumstances. The police can not make that decision, they can only make recommendations. The Health Visitor is a Nurse, she is not a judge so she too can only give an opinion.

He does not need to go to court for access, he has every right to access until the court takes it away from him. To do that you will need a lot more that a nurse and a policeman's opinion.

marisco_2

pyjamadays wrote: »

It really doesn't matter what you think or believe was or wasn't said. It was and that's all there is to say. Everything that has happened & was said is all written down, purposefully a kept paper trail by them incase he did want to go to court for access, which they said he wouldn't be granted.

You are right it doesn't matter what people on a public forum think or believe. When we finish with this thread our lives go on unaffected by your actions. However the one person who stands to get really hurt by your stance and approach to all this, is the little boy you profess to love so much and want to protect.

You are tying yourself up in knots and there are inconsistencies in your story. If things were really so bad that there is a paper trail in case your ex pursued access via the courts, which you have been advised wouldn't be granted, then how come up to 3 weeks ago he was alone with you in your home seeing his son? You said earlier in the thread that the only reason you had stopped this, was because he showed more interest in you than the child. Not because any huge concerns about him being around the child have been raised. So what is the truth?

Dimey

You don't seem to have anyone mature to help and advise you. Are your parents responsible? Can they advise you?

Are the father's parents responsible? Can you talk to them?

If not, you seem vulnerable and I think you need a responsible adult involved like your health visitor. If you can't get hold of the health visitor then call her office and ask them to send someone else round.

If in doubt, do everything by the book. Don't meet the father in your home. Take baby to a contact centre or the health visitor office where the visit can be supervised by an impartial official. That way the father can feel comfortable with baby without you. And you can feel comfortable that father and baby are supervised.

Try to get into a regular routine so you and father know what is required, on what dates and what the boundaries are. Then you need no longer worry about this aspect and can focus on other things.