Fathers access to my 8 month old baby

rozmister

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

One can easily be a precursor to the other. If that is stopped, the final act can be averted sometimes.



The argument goes something like this;

'I'm worried. My ex comes round and he's always trying it on, messing with my head, saying how much we should get back together again. I'm really uncomfortable with him being in my flat and I wish he'd stop coming round'


How DARE you suggest that? He has a right to see his child. Send her off with a bottle if you're that bothered.


'I'm breastfeeding. And he gets right up close and keeps staring if I have to feed her'. And he's done things like try and kiss me, touch me or stand in the doorway so I have to get really close to him to get past.


TOUGH!


[few weeks later]


'Look, it's getting really awkward. I went out with him and the baby for a bit and when he came back, he started getting really creepy again and didn't want to leave. It feels like I can't turn my back for a moment in case he's crept up behind me again and is going to try and get me to have sex with him again'


TOUGH!


'He took the baby out and came back without her. Said he'd take me over to his mum's where she was. When I got in the car, he locked the doors and drove off for miles and then suggested if I didn't like it, I should get out and walk. When I said I didn't want to do that again, he said he'd just have to continue coming round the flat again'.


TOUGH!

[couple of weeks later]


'I....I....' [Sob]



But you let him into your home, you've not stopped him coming round, you've not refused his advances or reported them or done anything to protect yourself. So it can't be what you're saying it is, can it?




That's why it should be possible to stop things as soon as somebody feels harassed or put under pressure. Because, left unchecked, they can very easily escalate.

And that is why my advice was a contact centre rather than unsupervised access. I'm not disputing any of that and I've never said she should let him in her home.

duchy

rozmister wrote: »

I've never said in the thread that one is acceptable and the other one isn't. Sexual contact without consent is more serious than coming onto someone and making them feel uncomfortable though.

As for my work people do not believe I'm paid to flatter their invitations. People believe they have a right to make sexually explicit comments and advances towards me constantly because I'm a woman in a man's place. And yes it's unpleasant, yes it's slightly frightening when I'm alone (I'm the only member of staff on my shifts) and no I don't think it's as intimidating as someone in my own home. I do however think that both scenarios are not on a par with someone sexual assaulting you.

I've worked in some less than fabulous bars too -but the difference is when you work in a bar you "choose" for want of a better word or maybe accept is a better one that part. of the job is these morons........most barmaids would never dream of letting these creeps into their homes however.

rozmister

Nope they wouldn't and that's why I said the OP should allow her ex supervised contact in a contact centre nothin within her home.

I've already said it quite a few times but I have never said the OPs ex's behaviour is acceptable I said it wasn't sexual assault. Sexual assault involves contact that is unwanted or being coerced into a sexual act rather than choosing to. The OP has never said that happened. The OPs partners behaviour is unacceptable and sexual harassment as well as probably extremely intimidating but that does not make it sexual assault.