Fathers access to my 8 month old baby

pyjamadays

some people may remember something I wrote on here a few months ago, it created quite a stir so I got it deleted. Basically I reported things to my health visitor who then spoke to other agencies. With help from her I split from my babies dad. He has been coming round most weeks to see my son even tho the health visitor recomended limited contact. 3 weeks ago I asked him to stop coming round because everytime he did he was flirty, trying it on & messing with my head so I needed space. 2 days ago he started texting about getting back together ect but I said no, he's now asking about seeing my baby again. I'm not sure what to do for the best. He never really pays attention to him and its more to see me.

Please no comments on my previous posts about how wonderful I thought he was as obviously I was wrong :-(

What do others do about child access of children this age?

DUTR

I suppose you could have access only via a contact centre or supervised access.

pops5588

Even as someone who has no contact with their father now, I do always believe that it is beneficial for both parents to have an influence in their child's life as long as it's a healthy and positive one.

I'm not sure if you are going to get the specific answers you are looking for here, there is no set formula for these things, especially in terms of child access. However it is clear that maybe you and your ex need to start learning to separate the relationship that you had been the two of you and the relationship you should both have with your kid going forward.

pyjamadays

I'm trying to get in touch with my HV to see if she can help set up family mediation but think she's on holiday so just loing for some opinions until i hear from her. I would be quite happy if I never saw this guy again, but want what's best for my baby. Just not sure what that is

little-spender

So you don't want him to see HIS baby because he flirts with you.

What a sad reason for stopping someone seeing their child.

You don't need to have any contact with him , set the childcare up at a contact centre, I'm sure your helth visitor/social worker can arrange that.

pinkshoes

MY son? I presumse it's his son too?

Didn't read your other post, but so long as he's not violent, then contact with both parents is beneficial to the child. I suggest you allow him contact through centre so yiu don't have to see him.

peachyprice

You keep saying 'my' baby, it's not just your baby it's his son too.

The fact that you don't want a relationship with the man is no reason to stop him seeing his son, you have no right to do that.

paulineb_2

peachyprice wrote: »

You keep saying 'my' baby, it's not just your baby it's his son too.

The fact that you don't want a relationship with the man is no reason to stop him seeing his son, you have no right to do that.

Agree totally, unless the child is at risk theres no reason to deny contact, Im also wondering in the role of your health visitor in all of this?

She helped you split from the dad? What exactly did your relationship child aside have to do with her?

pyjamadays

It's MY son, when he lived here for the first 12 weeks of his life he paid no attention to him, did nothing with him, never got up in the night or mornings. Slept all day or played his computer game, MY son didn't know him so always cried with him. So biologically he's our son...but as I have done every single thing for MY baby since the day he was born he will continue to be only MY son as far as I'm concerned.

Gillyx

I have no idea about previous threads or issues. If there is no cause for concern for safety of your son, can he take him out for a few hours? That way he can't be flirting with you if you're not there. If not, ignore him, get up, go to the kitchen, go upstairs, get on with jobs etc when he is there visiting your son. He'l soon get the message.

Gillyx

pyjamadays wrote: »

It's MY son, when he lived here for the first 12 weeks of his life he paid no attention to him, did nothing with him, never got up in the night or mornings. Slept all day or played his computer game, MY son didn't know him so always cried with him. So biologically he's our son...but as I have done every single thing for MY baby since the day he was born he will continue to be only MY son as far as I'm concerned.

I'm sorry to say, but HIS sperm, helped make the child. You could not have created the child on your own, so he is not only your child.

Sounds to me like you're still angry for the way he acted when the baby was first born, not that I'm saying his behaviour is right, but you can't use that as a reason to stop him from seeing the child you both created.