Fathers access to my 8 month old baby

pops5588

The problem is OP, you have come on here looking for someone to say "yep, I'd do that too, just you carry on and let the b@st@rd rot" based on dribs and drabs of a story that would be completely biased towards you anyway.

My father is an awful man, but my mother still encouraged us (despite what probably were her better instincts) to see him on a bi-weekly basis because she wanted us to at least have a chance of forging a better relationship with him. As it is, we have not seen or spoken to him now for 2+ years when we were old enough to really decide for ourselves and stand by our choice as adults. If he is a poor excuse for a father, your son will see it for himself one day. But it is not your place to take that opportunity away from him. If anything he may grow to resent you for it.

Obviously at one point you thought this man was good enough to father your child. Unfortunately this may have turned out to not be the case, but you have to deal with the ramifications of that in a mature, adult way.

Tiddlywinks

You seem to shout 'safety issues' when things don't go your way... You did that with your previous ex when your daughter left you to go and live with him...

Rather than turn this into a nasty fight, just accept that it s in your son's best interests to have contact with his dad.

Dunroamin

thorsoak wrote: »

I haven't read the whole of this thread - not getting involved in all the whys and wherefores.

My suggestion is that if your HV is away for several weeks, that you contact your DV worker (you say there has been involvement) and ask if s/he can tell you if there are any contact centres close by, where you can drop the baby off, Dad can have supervised contact for 1-2 hours, and you collect baby without seeing dad. If you haven't had a DV worker, why not give Womens Aid a ring? They might be able to make suggestions.

This is getting a bit like Chinese whispers!

The OP did not say that there was domestic violence issues, she said domestic abuse. What she means by this, we don't know but to segue from abuse to violence is a dangerous assumption to make, particularly when there are children involved.

paulineb_2

A really sad thread. My mum always encouraged contact with my natural father, he couldnt give a toss but she didnt say anything bad about him to me.

If you have concerns about this man, you can allow him supervised access, preventing him from seeing his child because you seem to be thinking up ridiculous reasons not to allow him just makes you look petty and spiteful.

I wouldnt ever suggest that someone is put at risk by another human being, certainly not if there are abuse issues, but you havent said what these are, you've not been clear about what hes done.

And you seem to have made up your mind that you dont want the dad to see his kid and arent happy because people arent agreeing with you.

FBaby

To be fair on the OP, having re-read her first post, she concludes by

What do others do about child access of children this age?

So to respond specifically to this, I think most people in your circumstances would let him at the house, but then leave him with the child whilst you go and do your things upstairs. This way, he can bond without being 'watched', but you are close enough to monitor.

If that isn't an option, you could just have someone you trust coming over, who could be downstairs and keeping an eye on them.

Georgiegirl256

Geez....it's not just YOUR child, it's you AND the Fathers child....grow up Woman!

Also, it's not do much that he is a clingy baby, more so that he's got a very clingy Mother....way to go to screwing up that kids life!

CH27

I think I remember the thread that got deleted.

The OP's partner refused to have anything at all to do with the child.
The partner also has another child who wasn't potty trained etc.

From what I remember I am not at all surprised the HV recommended limited contact.

pops5588

CH27 wrote: »

I think I remember the thread that got deleted.

The OP's partner refused to have anything at all to do with the child.
The partner also has another child who wasn't potty trained etc.

From what I remember I am not at all surprised the HV recommended limited contact.

And that's fair enough. But surely controlled, supervised, healthy contact is far more beneficial to the child in question than nothing at all!! Which is what the OP has since said she wants.

shegirl

CH27 wrote: »

I think I remember the thread that got deleted.

The OP's partner refused to have anything at all to do with the child.
The partner also has another child who wasn't potty trained etc.

From what I remember I am not at all surprised the HV recommended limited contact.

No,just the one child I think.Think the thread is still there

Frith

Here is a link to contact centres. My sons have used them in the past and they're pretty good.

http://www.naccc.org.uk/

P.S I live somewhere very rural and even I have a choice of 2 within 30 miles! And as they only open every other weekend, that drive shouldn't be a big problem.