Fathers access to my 8 month old baby

Amanda65

Not going to go into what has happened in past as that possibly isn't helpful but I owuld have thought the obvious answer would be to have a friend or relative in the house with you when your ex is there so that he doesn't flirt and mess with your head.

thorsoak

Dunroamin wrote: »

This is getting a bit like Chinese whispers!

The OP did not say that there was domestic violence issues, she said domestic abuse. What she means by this, we don't know but to segue from abuse to violence is a dangerous assumption to make, particularly when there are children involved.

I did say that I had not read the complete thread. However, I think you will find that the police regard domestic abuse as domestic violence - see http://www.getreading.co.uk/news/local-news/more-victims-domestic-violence-coming-5740414

That is just one example.

pyjamadays

I have checked & my nearest contact centre is 120miles away.
I have never actually stopped contact between father & child, until 2-3 weeks ago because of what was happening but that was never intended to be long term. The problem with his flirting with me & trying it on is that he's supposed to be seeing baby not me. Anyway I have suggested days & times to him for meeting up outside my home.

I needed the 2-3 weeks away from seeing him because unfortunately I do have strong feelings for him, but to have him back in our lives is really not a good idea.

it was domestic abuse, not violence. I did not go into great detail because it was a long & complicated time that I feel embarassed that I let happen and hurt that it did happen.

Ch27 seems to remember correctly. I asked the mods to delete that thread as people were becoming threatening. But because of that thread I spoke to the health visitor about it all.

paulineb_2

pyjamadays wrote: »

I have checked & my nearest contact centre is 120miles away.
I have never actually stopped contact between father & child, until 2-3 weeks ago because of what was happening but that was never intended to be long term. The problem with his flirting with me & trying it on is that he's supposed to be seeing baby not me. Anyway I have suggested days & times to him for meeting up outside my home.

I needed the 2-3 weeks away from seeing him because unfortunately I do have strong feelings for him, but to have him back in our lives is really not a good idea.

it was domestic abuse, not violence. I did not go into great detail because it was a long & complicated time that I feel embarassed that I let happen and hurt that it did happen.

Ch27 seems to remember correctly. I asked the mods to delete that thread as people were becoming threatening. But because of that thread I spoke to the health visitor about it all.

He can be in the childs life without having to take much part in yours.

Its the child who matters. Believe me, when your kid is old enough to ask questions about where dad is, they might not be supportive of you if you made a decision to keep him away from the dad.

The point is, its lifelong. You may decide not to let the child see the father, but when the child is 16 or so, they can make their own decisions and I do agree that if you just make a blanket decision of no, you could be storing up massive problems for the future.

It might not be productive for this man to be in your life, but that doesnt mean he cant be part of your childs and harsh as that reality is, its reality

And regardless of whether you are married or not, he can make an application to the court for access, in Scotland anyway he can and thats where you are I believe

Its better that you try and resolve this amicably before courts get involved I think.

elsien

Not entirely clear on the health visitors role in all this, but recommending limited contact and trying to stop bonds from forming surely shouldn't be part of it.
I would have thought that aside from supporting you, if she genuinely had concerns she should be referring on to other agencies. No one person should be making important decisions about access and the roles of parents in children's lives.
Either you've misunderstood or she needs retraining.

paulineb_2

elsien wrote: »

Not entirely clear on the health visitors role in all this, but recommending limited contact and trying to stop bonds from forming surely shouldn't be part of it.
I would have thought that aside from supporting you, if she genuinely had concerns she should be referring on to other agencies. No one person should be making important decisions about access and the roles of parents in children's lives.
Either you've misunderstood or she needs retraining.

I agree, totally, I dont think thats part of a health visitors role at all, noting concerns yes, giving out advice no

And dare I say it OP, youve had a baby and a break up in a matter of months, it might not be the right time to be making such important decisions as in not allowing the father to see his child.

pops5588

paulineb wrote: »

And dare I say it OP, youve had a baby and a break up in a matter of months, it might not be the right time to be making such important decisions as in not allowing the father to see his child.

Absolutely, couldn't agree more. It may take a while for you all to find a process and a system that you are all comfortable with and works for you as a separated family, but it's worth a shot surely. If not for yourself, certainly for your son.

FBaby

what do you mean meeting outside of your house? Surely he needs to be able to seat down and interact with your child ideally without you there to watch all his moves. surely you're not expecting him to just have a quick hold of the baby outside and when he moans about this you can say that your offered contact but he refused.

Gigervamp

Another reason to keep contact is that your child has a half brother. They should know about each other and have contact so that they can build a relationship together.

FatVonD

pyjamadays wrote: »

No to be honest I don't want him to have any contact, also I said its been advised he has minimal anyway so that a bond doesn't develop.

This is ludicrous, the whole point of him seeing HIS child is so that a bond DOES develop.

You need to grow up and stop behaving like such a spoilt little madam.