Fathers access to my 8 month old baby

pyjamadays

there were things he was saying & doing which meant my health visitor helped along with the a domestic abuse liaison officer. No physical abuse took place but they were very concerned about things.

Gillyx

If that is the case, I'd assume that the HV would voice concerns about any unsupervised contact and would have advised supervised contact through a center, where you would have no contact with each other. I'd advise the father of that and explain your HV is on holiday and you will get it sorted when she is back, if it's abuse issues.

pops5588

pyjamadays wrote: »

there were things he was saying & doing which meant my health visitor helped along with the a domestic abuse liaison officer. No physical abuse took place but they were very concerned about things.

Well I am pleased that you are now in what I can only assume is a happier, healthier place. However the bottom line is you decided to have a baby with this man. The both of you need to find a way to function and make this work without using the child to hurt each other or as some kind of emotional blackmail device.

And yes, it isn't just YOUR son. If you go into this with that attitude then i'm afraid it may all be downhill from here.

pyjamadays

he won't have unsupervised access, probably never will have. There are no contact centres where I live that I know of although its never been mentioned. Il wait and here from her I think. It just plays on my mind that he is the dad so he should see him although my guy says keep him away.

Gigglepig

I would try a contact centre or similar. Are there any charity playgroups near you? or a trusted relative?

I don't think OP should be expected to spend time with him or to have him in her house, though he should get to spend some time with the baby.

For a baby that young, and a dad that has not been involved enough for the baby to have a strong bond, it might be that a short amount of time away from mum is best, until the baby gets older. Especially if you breastfeed. Perhaps you could start with an hr or two in a contact centre and gradually increase it?

duchy

I presume you mean your gut not your guy

I'd be inclined to stop giving him what he wants....eg if you have arranged for him to see the child for an hour - have something arranged for straight after.....so say to him - yes come at 2pm - but we need to go out at three as we have plans...when he arrives - tell him you need to pop out to the shops - once you are back it'll be time to leave almost..... or be very busy doing something so he can't flirt.........a few weeks of this and he'll either be bonding with the child - or stop coming if as you imply his only interest is in you and not the child. Have a friend "happen to visit" if you don't want his access to be unsupervised when you "pop out" or if you feel the need for backup in your "busy-ness".

Use this as a stopgap until your HV is back or seek advice from Women's Aid if you don't want to wait.

(There are contact centres everywhere - they just aren't advertised and you'll need a referral of one kind or another)

shegirl

pyjamadays wrote: »

It's MY son, when he lived here for the first 12 weeks of his life he paid no attention to him, did nothing with him, never got up in the night or mornings. Slept all day or played his computer game, MY son didn't know him so always cried with him. So biologically he's our son...but as I have done every single thing for MY baby since the day he was born he will continue to be only MY son as far as I'm concerned.

Wow! It's mums like you who make everyone doubt us pwcs who have exes that don't bother.

HE,not 'it's', is BOTH of yours.

You clearly don't want the father to have any contact otherwise you would not be saying he will continue to be yours only.Which then begs the question why you were having his dad over for contact anyway!!!

You need to set up contact that doesn't include you or tell your ex,clearly,that there will be nothing going on between you.

To prevent contact is wrong.

pyjamadays

Yes I meant gut!! I haven't ever left my son with anyone before so leaving him with his dad is out the question right now! Because its just been me & him along with my other 2 more grown up kids (who hate this guy) he's a very clingy baby & would be heartbroken if I were to leave him for an hour!

pyjamadays

No to be honest I don't want him to have any contact, also I said its been advised he has minimal anyway so that a bond doesn't develop.

Dunroamin

pyjamadays wrote: »

Yes I meant gut!! I haven't ever left my son with anyone before so leaving him with his dad is out the question right now! Because its just been me & him along with my other 2 more grown up kids (who hate this guy) he's a very clingy baby & would be heartbroken if I were to leave him for an hour!

He's not going to get any less clingy unless you start working towards a situation where he can spend time alone with his father.