child abuse

DUTR

scrumpyjax wrote: »

Urgent advice needed please.....My wife and I are divorcing and the situation at home has been awful... yesterday she grabbed my 14yr old by the arms, dug her nails in and shook him about. I then found out from his younger brother who is 13, that she has done it to him quite often too.
A massive row followed, I told her to get out and she went to her lovers house.
My problem is what to do next???? Police?..Social services?
Urgent help/advice please.

Have confidence, a 'friend' of mine her father's youngest took him away years ago after an incident at home, she is now having to go to court for contact etc, however as she tells me more it gets more ugly, you are doing the right thing, and Mum doesn't always know best. Children shouldn't be in danger and recent media reports and an equality in law will mean the childrens interest are served best. Good luck.

Tryingagainandagain

It is an assault. It is a criminal offence.

You need to report it - whether to police or to social services is your choice, but you must protect your children.

Their mother may be acting out of character due to stress, but this is not an acceptable way to release that stress.

Perhaps she needs a third party to intervene to ensure she gets help. Leaving the children with her while she is in this state is not fair to them.

Personally I would go to social services first. Explain why to the children and to your wife. As single meeting may be enough to resolve this.

The term child abuse means different things to people.

This action is assault.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

Unfortunately lots of children these days experience the same, but if social services were involved in every case where there is an unhappy household due to impending divorce.....

No-one has suggested that SS should have intervened during those bad years but the situation has now escalated into physical violence.

You don't think that's important; some of us do. scrumpyjax will read our different opinions and do what he thinks is best.

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

No-one has suggested that SS should have intervened during those bad years but the situation has now escalated into physical violence.

You don't think that's important; some of us do. scrumpyjax will read our different opinions and do what he thinks is best.

I have never suggested otherwise.


I would actually agree with the poster above, it could certainly be described as assault, but child abuse, IMO, no. For me it's just a very strong word and shouldn't be bandied about to describe cases like this as IMO it then devalues the term.


Of course it is a very subjective issue and Im not suggesting people's opinions will not differ.

paulineb_2

amus wrote: »

I would actually agree that in the situation you describe above there would be cause for intervention, and it seems the right outcome was achieved. But in the situation you just described even a 9 year old child was able to assert what he wanted, which is kind of my point.

Yes he was. But the incident of violence was recorded and there were also statements put to the court about the general way he was treated, negative comments made to him by his father over a long period of time, from two professional people who witnessed the way he was treated. And the impact that had/has on him.

My point is, unless the father records this incident of violence, when it goes to court to decide who gets access/custody, there will be no record of what has happened to these kids ever happening.

Involvement with social services doesnt mean a family needs to have maximum input with them, but if a child is at risk, they should be aware and its better for the children if and when this goes to court that if a child says no, I dont want to see my mum/dad, that theres evidence to back this up

Reporting this incident will mean that theres evidence, not reporting it will mean that its one persons word against the other.

And as far as I am aware, access can be decided by a court and it may not always be the decision that the child wants.

HPoirot

OP, I presume there were marks on your son's arm where she dug her nails in? Have you taken a picture? I'm sure it will be helpful whether with the police or social services. In any case, I see this as physical abuse, especially as this was not a one-off and she has certainly not thought twice about doing it again.

amus

Dunroamin wrote: »

I also think that there's a lot more going on here than meets the eye and that the OP's motivation is financial rather than child protection.

I always find it slightly suspicious when couples split up after many years together and all of a sudden one of the other parents becomes a child abuser of teenagers.

DUTR

Dunroamin wrote: »

I also think that there's a lot more going on here than meets the eye and that the OP's motivation is financial rather than child protection.

amus wrote: »

I always find it slightly suspicious when couples split up after many years together and all of a sudden one of the other parents becomes a child abuser of teenagers.

I suppose Eryk Pelka was wrong when he had similar concerns, it all starts somewhere.

Battleaxe44

Hands up those of us who hav been victims of child abuse as we grew up? How many of us were children of divorce?

How many of us witnessed the arguments between our divorcing parents?

How many of us know our parents lied regarding the Courts granting residency of the children?

How many of us told the other parent what we thought they wanted to hear?

Is anyone getting my drift?

Has anyone thought this could be manipulation by children rather than actual CHILD ABUSE? Don't tell me children don;t understand. These are young teenagers...

Oh I forgot, children don't tell untruths...

amus

DUTR wrote: »

I suppose Eryk Pelka was wrong when he had similar concerns, it all starts somewhere.

Yes, the difference being a 14 year old is perhaps just slightly more able to speak for and protect themselves than a four year old boy no? Again that being exactly my point.

Any concerns regarding the welfare of young, vulnerable children should be FULLY investigated. I'm afraid I just don't see 14 year old boys as young, vulnerable children in the same way I would a 6 month, 4 year old, eight year old child.