child abuse

scorpioyorks

Hi, a friend of mine was in a similiar situation to the op and they rang social services for advice. Social services said to stop contact and if oh didn't like it then they could go to court. You have to protect your children. There was no other involvement from social services because the child didn't see oh so they weren't at risk so no need for ss to be involved.

Cafcass will also take on the views of the children when it is discussed in court.

DUTR

amus wrote: »

Yes, the difference being a 14 year old is perhaps just slightly more able to speak for and protect themselves than a four year old boy no? Again that being exactly my point.

Any concerns regarding the welfare of young, vulnerable children should be FULLY investigated. I'm afraid I just don't see 14 year old boys as young, vulnerable children in the same way I would a 6 month, 4 year old, eight year old child.

You may not, I'm sure the girl in Birmingham that was starved to death was over 10years old, trouble is, where people ignore what may seem petty concerns they can escualte and become the type of headlines we do not like to see, indeed this may not be the case here, however it shouldn't be totally ignored that the OP has concerns.

GwylimT

How disgusting that so many people condone this sort of behaviour towards children, would you do that to your own children or happily look on as someone else did it to them?

You have a variety of options, due to the age of your children they can choose who they live with, they can also refuse to see their mother, or they can choose to have supervised contact, this can be at a contact centre, or they can just have an adult present who they do trust and hopefully things will improve.

However, you do need to talk to social services and your children, you need to reassure them without thinking they are in the wrong or that they are getting mum in trouble, no matter how stressed she is, she is responsible for her own actions, no on else. It might be a bit late now, but if there are visible marks take a photo.

If things have been stressful at home for a while now your children might need to talk to someone who isn't mum and dad so they can get any feelings out without feeling bad about saying things about mum and dad.

jacques_chirac

DUTR wrote: »

You may not, I'm sure the girl in Birmingham that was starved to death was over 10years old, trouble is, where people ignore what may seem petty concerns they can escualte and become the type of headlines we do not like to see, indeed this may not be the case here, however it shouldn't be totally ignored that the OP has concerns.

How have we gone from a little shake to starvation? :eek:

I would suggest there is more (or less) to this story that is being told. The OP is going through a messy divorce, and is clearly bitter towards his wife. The fact that the children still wish to live with their mother (half the time) would imply this is not nearly as serious as being implied by some.

DUTR

jacques_chirac wrote: »

How have we gone from a little shake to starvation? :eek:

I would suggest there is more (or less) to this story that is being told. The OP is going through a messy divorce, and is clearly bitter towards his wife. The fact that the children still wish to live with their mother (half the time) would imply this is not nearly as serious as being implied by some.

They are all forms of abuse, shaking at any age can have effect that show later on, footballs have been changed over the years as some ex footballers were suffering simialr to ex boxers. Indeed there could well be more to the story as we only have one side, I don't think ignoring what the children say is a wise choice either.

Mojisola

jacques_chirac wrote: »

The fact that the children still wish to live with their mother (half the time) would imply this is not nearly as serious as being implied by some.

I don't think this follows.

You might as well say that no adult would ever stay in an abusive relationship - if they do, it can't be as bad as all that.

jellyhead

Social services/CAFCASS (I don't know if they are separate?) will be able to make a more accurate assessment than a bunch of people on a forum.

This might be an abusive situation that the children need to escape or it may be a stressed mum who lost control during an argument with a teenager, and with appropriate support she can learn to deal with things in a better way. Perhaps she, or you, could talk to parentline or find tips for dealing with stroppy teens somewhere like this http://familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/


If she is genuinely scaring or hurting the children then of course it should be taken very seriously. If needs be, contact can be supervised. The surestart centre where I volunteer has a contact room and I know a teenager who used to have supervised visits with his mum there, along with younger siblings.

A relative was assessed by CAFCASS during an acrimonious split and they talk to other people including teachers to see if there are any concerns. They get all sides of the story. They might decide that there's nothing to worry about, and it can make communication more difficult in future, but perhaps that won't make much difference if this relationship is already 'hell'. My relative was already in a situation where the parents despised each other.

gwynlas

OP should report to SS so that they can decide to interview children. Mother could go on to have further children with new partner, most abusers continue until stopped. 13 & 14 year olds can be physically slight and mentally not so mature as others.

amus

DUTR wrote: »

You may not, I'm sure the girl in Birmingham that was starved to death was over 10years old, trouble is, where people ignore what may seem petty concerns they can escualte and become the type of headlines we do not like to see, indeed this may not be the case here, however it shouldn't be totally ignored that the OP has concerns.

Again, big difference between a ten year old being the victim of awful cruelty and a 14 year old being shaken by the arms. Common sense?


In fact, now you bring it up, I would be most interested to know what the stats are with regards to teenagers being killed by abusive parents compared with children 12 and under. Or indeed how this compares with the number of parents/siblings killed by their teenage children. I genuinely have no idea but its something I will look up sometime.

DUTR

amus wrote: »

Again, big difference between a ten year old being the victim of awful cruelty and a 14 year old being shaken by the arms. Common sense?


In fact, now you bring it up, I would be most interested to know what the stats are with regards to teenagers being killed by abusive parents compared with children 12 and under. Or indeed how this compares with the number of parents/siblings killed by their teenage children. I genuinely have no idea but its something I will look up sometime.

I don't know, I wouldn't like this case to be another though and all because some thought wolf was being cried.