child abuse

Pollycat

paulineb wrote: »

From the opening post it looks like it was witnessed

That's why I said I'm assuming that it was witnessed by the OP, although the OP doesn't specifically say he was present at the time.

I guess it could be that the 14 year old told his Dad what had happened and showed him nail marks on his arm.

Racheldevon

I work within CYPS, OP you need to report this to social services, there will always be a wide range of severity of abuse, depending on a huge number of factors. That's why core assessments and initial assessments exist, it's why there are both Child in Need (Section 17) & Child protection (Section 47). As a responsible adult it's your responsibility to share the information you've become aware of, and for this to be assessed by social care to determine protective factors and support measures that can be put in place.

fabforty

OP, have you or your wife ever smacked or otherwise physically punished your children before? I read your post as if it is the severity of what she did, rather than the fact that she used corporal punishment, which has prompted your reaction.

Are you saying that you have never raised your hand to either child and that as far as you were concerned, your wife hadn't either?

DUTR

fabforty wrote: »

OP, have you or your wife ever smacked or otherwise physically punished your children before? I read your post as if it is the severity of what she did, rather than the fact that she used corporal punishment, which has prompted your reaction.

Are you saying that you have never raised your hand to either child and that as far as you were concerned, your wife hadn't either?

It is the severity, long dirty nails piercing the skin is not healthy.

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

It is the severity, long dirty nails piercing the skin is not healthy.

Where does the OP say his wife's nails are long and/or dirty?
And where does he say that her nails pierced her son's skin?

I'm not trivialising what allegedly happened but let's not invent things that haven't (yet) been said.

DUTR

Pollycat wrote: »

Where does the OP say his wife's nails are long and/or dirty?
And where does he say that her nails pierced her son's skin?

I'm not trivialising what allegedly happened but let's not invent things that haven't (yet) been said.

Nails have to be longer than the fingers to be dug in, I have not been up to much today, but there is certainly dirt under my nails and that's what I can see. Yes this time the nails may not have pierced the skin, next time it could.
By the way I'm not saying the OP should get custody, however I don't believe the incident should pass without any concern.

fabforty

DUTR wrote: »

It is the severity, long dirty nails piercing the skin is not healthy.

I appreciate the response, but you can't really answer on OP's behalf - unless it's your AE of course .

Dimey

OP, my view is that there's no reason why you shouldn't stay in your marital home and apply for main custody with your wife having access if that's what the courts agree.

Given that your wife committed adultery and has her boyfriend's home to go to, you should, with maintenance from her, be able to afford to stay.

I would register the abuse you witnessed with a solicitor so if your wife later manipulates the situation, you have at least got some evidence. Ask the solicitor to take statements from both boys and yourself. But be gentle and careful how you go about this with the boys. Have to ask - did you take a photograph of the bruising/scratches, for the record?

I'd say you have enough on your plate without involving the police and social services - unless you suspect more violence has occurred - then you have no choice but to report it.

DUTR

fabforty wrote: »

I appreciate the response, but you can't really answer on OP's behalf - unless it's your AE of course .

Where I highlighted your post was that is how I read it too, not the fact of what the offender had done, I wasn't answering for the OP.

Pollycat

DUTR wrote: »

Nails have to be longer than the fingers to be dug in

Not true.

I have a broken nail and it certainly isn't longer than my finger but - depending on the angle - I could make a mark on my own arm with that nail.
So not necessarily 'long nails'.

DUTR wrote: »

I have not been up to much today, but there is certainly dirt under my nails and that's what I can see.

But that's you.
We don't know what the OP's wife's nails are like, so it's not fair to make things up.
So not necessarily 'dirty nails'.

DUTR wrote: »

Yes this time the nails may not have pierced the skin, next time it could.

Not necessarily 'pierced the skin'.
We are not discussing 'next time'.
We are discussing 'this time' - which I agree should never have happened.