child abuse

paulineb_2

amus wrote: »

I always find it slightly suspicious when couples split up after many years together and all of a sudden one of the other parents becomes a child abuser of teenagers.

The OP witnessed what happened to the 14 year old child. They had a row, he asked her to leave and she did.

I know by your posts that you dont seem to think theres much of an issue here, but please, lets not turn this thread into being suspicious of someone.

The OP posted asking for help. I dont think the above post is helpful at all

Parents do not need to shake or dig their nails into their kids, full stop. That is the bottom line.

I grew up with a parent who was physically abused in a relationship herself, she did not lay a hand on me once growing up and neither was my brother hit, even during the most stressful times in her entire life.

The OP has posted seeking advice, I dont think its productive for the thread to turn into whether he is telling the truth or not or whether its suspicious that someone has become a child abuser of teenagers. If this has never happened before the woman may not be dealing with the marriage break up very well, shes seeing someone else, I assume home life cant be that good for any of them.
But its still wrong. People dont need to be hitting kids or partners for years for it to be an issue. If it happens once, its an issue.

And yes the kids have said they want to live with their mum for a week, she's still their mum. Just because this has happened doesnt necessarily mean they dont love their mum. Its very possible to have someone in your family who isnt treating you well and you still love them, its not always that clear cut.

itsanne

I think there is a difference between shaking a baby and shaking a teenager's arm, but that doesn't mean the latter is okay. The mother here didn't just shake the boys, she dug her nails in and that is intended to hurt. Also, if the OP had been a woman describing her partner digging his nails into her and shaking her almost everyone would have described it as domestic abuse / violence and told her to leave. How can an assault not be considered abuse?

paulineb_2

itsanne wrote: »

I think there is a difference between shaking a baby and shaking a teenager's arm, but that doesn't mean the latter is okay. The mother here didn't just shake the boys, she dug her nails in and that is intended to hurt. Also, if the OP had been a woman describing her partner digging his nails into her and shaking her almost everyone would have described it as domestic abuse / violence and told her to leave. How can an assault not be considered abuse?

I agree, totally. It is abuse and its an adult abusing a minor.

Dunroamin

DUTR wrote: »

I suppose Eryk Pelka was wrong when he had similar concerns, it all starts somewhere.

The child in that case was 4 years old, not 14 - he was also starved, beaten and tortured. If you can't see the difference between that and a teenager being shaken by the arm, I hope you don't work in any situation where you need to show good judgement!

Pollycat

Battleaxe44 wrote: »

Has anyone thought this could be manipulation by children rather than actual CHILD ABUSE? Don't tell me children don;t understand. These are young teenagers...

Oh I forgot, children don't tell untruths...

I said earlier that the OP should be 100% certain that the 13 year old is being truthful about earlier alleged attacks.

I'm assuming the OP witnessed the incident with the 14 year old that happened yesterday.

andyf3050

Dunroamin wrote: »

Shaking a 14 year old is hardly child abuse in the way that shaking a baby is!

That's it settled then? When a child reaches 14, physical abuse is less harmful than when they are younger!

Not a very helpful thing to say IMO.

The OP has handled the situation very well and in the eyes of child protection services he has done just that... protected the children from significant harm by removing the perpetrator from the property. However, this may need to be addressed by seeking advice from a criminal offence point of view. The 14 year old has been physically assaulted and regardless of who the perpetrator might be, is wholly unacceptable.

Prothet_of_Doom

Take the kids to see your solicitor. Get him to individually talk to each of them, and get them to give him a written statement of what has happened and then apply for some interim injunction.

paulineb_2

Pollycat wrote: »

I said earlier that the OP should be 100% certain that the 13 year old is being truthful about earlier alleged attacks.

I'm assuming the OP witnessed the incident with the 14 year old that happened yesterday.

From the opening post it looks like it was witnessed

paulineb_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

The OP also has financial issues, has been hoping to claim extra money for his children after the separation and seems (to cynical old me) to be trying to engineer a situation where he becomes the PWC and claims the child related benefits.

Whats the mum's excuse for shaking her child and digging her nails into his arm?

If the child is being assaulted by the mother, they are safer with the father, irrespective of how much money he has or hasnt.

DUTR

Dunroamin wrote: »

The child in that case was 4 years old, not 14 - he was also starved, beaten and tortured. If you can't see the difference between that and a teenager being shaken by the arm, I hope you don't work in any situation where you need to show good judgement!

Go back and read post #61 eh?
The age doesn't matter, the case you are on about concluded because those that as you put it, have careers where their judgement is needed to assess a situation.
You don't know if the the scene the OP described is a one off.
As menioned in another thread and this I have an aquaintance whos youngest is with the dad now and as time goes on yes the youngest was exposed to a harmful enviroment living with the Mum.
All I am saying is there is no point ducking head under the carpet and pretending these things do not happen, thankfully they do not happen everytime but the reality is , they do happen, we caanot see into the future but the OP could be ceasing a monster in the making.