child abuse

Dunroamin

paulineb wrote: »

Shaking about and digging her nails into both the kids and its been done repeatedly.

Speaking as someone whose mum is a teacher, if a child disclosed that at school, that their mum was repeatedly shaking them about and digging their nails into their arm, it would be a child protection issue.

The woman is clearly under stress, but she has no reason to take this stress out on the kids and as I said it could escalate.

Its violence, it doesnt matter that they are older or that they arent getting battered up and down the place, its still violence and if the dad ignores this, well in 6 months time if it does escalate, I bet he'll be kicking himself he didnt do something about it now.

I disagree totally.

Social Services would be even more snowed under than they are if people screamed child abuse ever time a parent shook a hefty teenager. I'm all for protecting vulnerable children but defining child abuse this widely is just getting things out of proportion.

paulineb_2

And maybe when kids are in the middle of an acrimonious divorce, they dont think about who they want to live with, they just want the arguing to stop.

I sincerely hope, even if the OP decides not to involve police or social services that he has a good think about the way forward for these kids, because Im not sure in his case, Id be feeling confident about sending both of them to live with the mum and her lover for a week at a time

Also, I think if this was reported to police and social services, I dont think the OP would be made to feel like a timewaster, just because social services are understaffed doesnt mean that abuse against a minor isnt serious.

They are both under 16 and legally what she has done is a child protection issue.

marisco_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

Shaking a 14 year old is hardly child abuse in the way that shaking a baby is!

Grabbing someone by the arm, digging your nails into them and shaking them is child abuse. It wont do the same kind of catastrophic damage as shaking a baby would do, but that doesn't make it any less abusive or awful.

OP if your wife sees fit to treat children in this manner then she is not fit to be around them. If your sons mention this kind of behaviour going on at home when they return to school, the Senco would investigate and most likely involve outside agencies. Your priority here has to be to protect your children. To stand by and do nothing sends her a message that it is acceptable to behave like this.

Mojisola

marisco wrote: »

To stand by and do nothing sends her a message that it is acceptable to behave like this.

And it also tells your boys that it's alright for her to treat them like this.

paulineb_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

I disagree totally.

Social Services would be even more snowed under than they are if people screamed child abuse ever time a parent shook a hefty teenager. I'm all for protecting vulnerable children but defining child abuse this widely is just getting things out of proportion.

And how do you know either kid is hefty?

As I said before, shes not just shaking them, shes also digging her nails in, I assume causing them pain

And its been done to the 13 year old repeatedly

Not all 13 year olds are hefty, far from it.

And this could be a very large red flag. People who are violent to children dont always start beating them up and down the place in the first instance.

amus

paulineb wrote: »

Thats not actually the case. This doesnt have anything to do with resources.

The suggestion is that because they are older and social services are overstretched and miss cases of abuse in younger kids that someone shaking a 14 year old and a 13 year old doesnt matter in comparison.

Shes not just shaking them by the arm, shes grabbing their arm and digging her nails in and shes done it repeatedly to the 13 year old who I presume has been too scared to speak out.

Would anyone on this board who has teenage kids want their own kids to be treated like that on an ongoing basis and it hasnt been a one off for the 13 year old, shes apparently done it several times to him.

Sorry but at 14 years old if their mother is so bad and they have the opportunity to move in with their dad then surely that is what they will do.


It clearly is a resource issue when social services are failing very vulnerable, abused children who cannot speak for themselves. Sorry but I know where I would rather their efforts be focused.

paulineb_2

Its the law that defines what child abuse is. Not a sliding scale of what or what isnt important because social services are overstretched or because the kids are older.

browneyedbazzi

scrumpyjax wrote: »

We had planned a week each in turn which was their request....

Have you spoken to them since this incident to find out if what they want has changed? It may not have, and if you start a huge battle to keep their mum away from them you might be the one who ends up looking like a baddie in their eyes.

I used to work with children/teenagers who had been ordered into care by the courts, many due to horrible abuse - almost all of them wanted nothing more than to go home to their parents who had abused them. The bond between a child and their mother is incredibly strong and not something that will have been broken by the incident you describe.

paulineb_2

amus wrote: »

Sorry but at 14 years old if their mother is so bad and they have the opportunity to move in with their dad then surely that is what they will do.


It clearly is a resource issue when social services are failing very vulnerable, abused children who cannot speak for themselves. Sorry but I know where I would rather their efforts be focused.

They can move in with their dad yes, but there will be contact with mum I assume and what then?

I wonder if he'll be happy sending them off for weekends wondering whether shes going to be nice or nasty to them.

jellyhead

I don't know if it would be classed as child abuse, but the mother might be pointed towards help such as parenting classes. I went on a parenting course when I was struggling with my tantrum throwing teenager and it really helped. CAFCASS (spelling?) might get involved and assess the situation.

Also, I'm not sure at what age a child's wishes might be taken into account, but I think it might be from around the age of 12, depending on the child. They can be 'Gillick' competent, so if they don't want to live with their mother, they could say so.