child abuse

amus

marisco wrote: »

Grabbing someone by the arm, digging your nails into them and shaking them is child abuse. It wont do the same kind of catastrophic damage as shaking a baby would do, but that doesn't make it any less abusive or awful. If someone had done that to me at just 14 years of age I would have been terrified.

Sorry, but it certainly is less awful.

mummyroysof3

I think it won't hurt to get advice from them. They might not need to be involved but may be able to give advice to dad or point him in the direction of some support for the children. Violence towards a child of any age needs to be looked at IMO.

Please don't agree to weekly share. I think in this case you need to see your children on a more regular basis to keep an eye on them as they may not want to tell you if anything happens due to loyalty to mum.

paulineb_2

Battleaxe44 wrote: »

Why are people trying to define child abuse..

This is a Discussion Paper only, we haven't been given all the facts, just another sound bite from the media for headlines.

Perhaps energy would be better spent waiting to see the final proposition?

Definition of Child Abuse is subjective... I am not adding anything more regarding what is Child Abuse...

Perhaps you should try to get a copy of the discussion paper and see what it contains....then make your comments.

Now throw the rocks at me.

The OP has asked for advice, some people will think this is a serious matter and that social services should be contacted, other people wont.

In the end, its his choice entirely.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

Sorry but at 14 years old if their mother is so bad and they have the opportunity to move in with their dad then surely that is what they will do.

It clearly is a resource issue when social services are failing very vulnerable, abused children who cannot speak for themselves. Sorry but I know where I would rather their efforts be focused.

Things are rarely that black-and-white for children who have spent years in a family where life has been "hell".

Most won't cut a parent out of their lives even if living with them is difficult.

I think scrumpyjax needs to have these physical assaults recorded for several reasons - the children need to know that he is doing his best to protect them, it might restrain their mother from being physical with them in future and he needs to protect his position in case she alleges that any bruising was caused by him.

Pollycat

scrumpyjax wrote: »

I then found out from his younger brother who is 13, that she has done it to him quite often too.

Please don't take this the wrong way - but are you sure you are getting the whole (and truthful) story from your 13 year old?
Or is he telling you what he thinks you want to hear?

scrumpyjax wrote: »

We had planned a week each in turn which was their request....

Would your kids really choose to live with someone who often grabs them and shakes them?
Does your 14 year old say it was the first time his Mum has done this to him?
Maybe the 13 year old has just been hiding what his Mum has been doing to him and was going along with the custody arrangements because that's what his elder brother wants/wanted.

Battleaxe44

paulineb wrote: »

The OP has asked for advice, some people will think this is a serious matter and that social services should be contacted, other people wont.

In the end, its his choice entirely.

Sorry i posted this on the wrong thread...

amus

paulineb wrote: »

They can move in with their dad yes, but there will be contact with mum I assume and what then?

I wonder if he'll be happy sending them off for weekends wondering whether shes going to be nice or nasty to them.

Again, at 14 I would expect if they wanted they could refuse to go and the father would back them up.

paulineb_2

According to the NSPCC shaking is a form of child abuse

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/online-advice/physical-abuse/physical-abuse-a_wda87106.html

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

Things are rarely that black-and-white for children who have spent years in a family where life has been "hell".

Most won't cut a parent out of their lives even if living with them is difficult.

I think scrumpyjax needs to have these physical assaults recorded for several reasons - the children need to know that he is doing his best to protect them, it might restrain their mother from being physical with them in future and he needs to protect his position in case she alleges that any bruising was caused by him.

If the mother did lie about this then, again, surely at 14 they would be able to inform authorities that this was the case?


I'm sorry but if this is the worst she has done to the kids at the ages they are then I doubt that life has been 'hell' for them. I would think genuine victims of child abuse would find that description quite insulting.

marisco_2

amus wrote: »

Sorry, but it certainly is less awful.

Maybe in your world, certainly not in mine. Abusing a child of any age is an horrific thing to do. Why are you so keen to sweep this under the carpet as if it is no big deal? I work as a teacher and if a child in our care disclosed this kind of thing going on it would be taken very seriously. I question what the mum is doing to these kids when the dad is not about, considering she did this without a second thought in front of him. Why have the OPs sons been too scared to tell their dad what they have been suffering?