child abuse

scrumpyjax

Urgent advice needed please.....My wife and I are divorcing and the situation at home has been awful... yesterday she grabbed my 14yr old by the arms, dug her nails in and shook him about. I then found out from his younger brother who is 13, that she has done it to him quite often too.
A massive row followed, I told her to get out and she went to her lovers house.
My problem is what to do next???? Police?..Social services?
Urgent help/advice please.

paulineb_2

I think you need to get advice and certainly do something as it looks like these kids need protected, if they are going to be staying with her full time while you move out, not sure if that was the plan I do think you need to consider trying to have them live with you.

It is a child protection issue and if you inform police/social services the next few months might be very stressful and make the situation much worse, but in the long run I think you do need to act to protect your kids.

Bottom line is, its shaking about now, it could escalate into something far worse and you might not always be around to protect them.

CH27

Who are the boys going to be living with when the divorce is finalised?

Do they want to live with you?

Dunroamin

Shaking a 14 year old is hardly child abuse in the way that shaking a baby is!

scrumpyjax

paulineb wrote: »

I think you need to get advice and certainly do something as it looks like these kids need protected, if they are going to be staying with her full time while you move out, not sure if that was the plan I do think you need to consider trying to have them live with you.

It is a child protection issue and if you inform police/social services the next few months might be very stressful and make the situation much worse, but in the long run I think you do need to act to protect your kids.

Bottom line is, its shaking about now, it could escalate into something far worse and you might not always be around to protect them.

When my wife admitted adultery and said she wanted a divorce I was happy to oblige as the previous years had been hell.
Strangely though, she has refused to move in with her new man insisting she is staying in the home for the boys. The plan was for shared care of the children but obviously not now.

mummyroysof3

I would get advice from both the police and social services now mostly so there is a record somewhere incase she gets nasty later and tries to claim you did it to get the kids living with her. Most important thou is to make sure the kids are ok and reassure them that you will keep the, safe. Good luck

scrumpyjax

We had planned a week each in turn which was their request....

amus

Social services can't even remove 17 month old battered babies, or four year old battered and starved children, what do you think they are going to do with regards to a mother grabbing and shaking a 14 year olds arm?

No wonder they haven't got the resources to deal with the above situations when people are expecting them to get involved with the arm shaking of fourteen year old boys. At their age I would expect they are able to speak for themselves and choose who they want to live with?

paulineb_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

Shaking a 14 year old is hardly child abuse in the way that shaking a baby is!

Shaking about and digging her nails into both the kids and its been done repeatedly.

Speaking as someone whose mum is a teacher, if a child disclosed that at school, that their mum was repeatedly shaking them about and digging their nails into their arm, it would be a child protection issue.

The woman is clearly under stress, but she has no reason to take this stress out on the kids and as I said it could escalate.

Its violence, it doesnt matter that they are older or that they arent getting battered up and down the place, its still violence and if the dad ignores this, well in 6 months time if it does escalate, I bet he'll be kicking himself he didnt do something about it now.

paulineb_2

amus wrote: »

Social services can't even remove 17 month old battered babies, or four year old battered and starved children, what do you think they are going to do with regards to a mother grabbing and shaking a 14 year olds arm?

No wonder they haven't got the resources to deal with the above situations when people are expecting them to get involved with the arm shaking of fourteen year old boys. At their age I would expect they are able to speak for themselves and choose who they want to live with?

Thats not actually the case. This doesnt have anything to do with resources.

The suggestion is that because they are older and social services are overstretched and miss cases of abuse in younger kids that someone shaking a 14 year old and a 13 year old doesnt matter in comparison.

Shes not just shaking them by the arm, shes grabbing their arm and digging her nails in and shes done it repeatedly to the 13 year old who I presume has been too scared to speak out.

Would anyone on this board who has teenage kids want their own kids to be treated like that on an ongoing basis and it hasnt been a one off for the 13 year old, shes apparently done it several times to him.

Mojisola

scrumpyjax wrote: »

When my wife admitted adultery and said she wanted a divorce I was happy to oblige as the previous years had been hell.

This must all have been very stressful for the boys. The last thing they need now is for their mother to be physically attacking them!

I would follow mummyroysof3's advice.