Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

thorsoak

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok....so.

In case you can't tell, I have a thing about not being rude.

Would you say its reasonable if when they come in, I show them their rooms, the bathroom, how to work the shower, tell them about towels etc and then say;

"I have a few rules. There isn't any reason for you to have to use upstairs. I really appreciate my privacy and I will respect yours by not going into your rooms whilst you are staying here. Likewise, I don't want anyone in my bedroom, or any of the rooms upstairs.

If you need anything please let me know. There is no need to start going through cupboards or the fridge. Just ask me and I will get it for you. Like I said, I value my privacy and just as I'd never dream of going through anyones things, I expect you not to either.

Please keep me up to date with what is happening regards mealtimes and food etc. I'm on a budget so if you know you are going to be eating out please let me know in advance so I don't make something. I usually go to bed about 11, so please could you keep the noise down after that?"


I already feel really snobby! Oh well.

Good start! And I would suggest that you email it to them - so you don't have to actually confront them with it! And don't forget to deal with the Brats as you would deal with your pupils if they need it!

miss_independent

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I'd suggest revising this thing about you making all the food; give them a shelf and a cupboard and tell them when they can use the kitchen. And don't get the snacks in that they listed; but take them to a supermarket where they can get them themselves.

I know what you mean but...honestly, it would be less hassle to cook. They leave the kitchen an absolute pigsty and I don't want crap spluttered all over my white kitchen and stuff stuck to the floor. I seriously get palpitations when someone else is in MY kitchen. I'm so territorial over it it's ridiculous. It isn't worth the stress. And to be honest, in Florida they never even offered to make me a cup of tea and on the nights I got fed up and didn't cook for them in the villa they a) went out for dinner and didn't invite me and b) ordered food in and didn't ask if I wanted anything. So I highly doubt they would cook anyway.

I've decided to provide breakfast and lunch and play it by ear on a daily basis about dinner.

lostinrates

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok....so.

In case you can't tell, I have a thing about not being rude.
.

Rude and setting boundaries are not synonymous any more than polite and door mat are!


Being upfront, making wvery one, including yourself comfortable with the situation and having a frank and friendly discussion about how to make the stay comfortable for you all IS a polite option under the circumstances.


This reminds me a little of when I was first living with DH and his little sister was staying from university and he started emptying the kitchen cupboards one night into a attic box because she'd gone out clubbing with friends. I told him he was being rude and inhospitable. He said ' you'll see'.

The next morning the only food left was half a jar of olives. He used to say he'd rather she came home than didn't but she brought home some rude, rude, and hungry people.

He was protecting his stuff under the circumstances.

Anyway I was amazed.

When she tried it in OUR home, it didn't even get off the ground I'm afraid. She did come home, and the agreed number and names of guests got a hearty (and cheap) breakfast designed to soak up excess and they were out of our place before eleven am.

CH27

No way would I have such selfish people staying with me.

Can you afford to book a holiday cottage near you & let them stay there?
I'd prefer to be out of pocket than be treated like muck.

carefullycautious

Is it self contained downstairs? Could you lock the upstairs so that they don't have access unless invited.

No way would I be buying their food I would take them shopping to buy their own food.

Write a list of what is and isn't acceptable and email it ASAP

Not helping with washing up and leaving everything for you to do is downright rude behaviour.

paulineb_2

miss_independent wrote: »

I know what you mean but...honestly, it would be less hassle to cook. They leave the kitchen an absolute pigsty and I don't want crap spluttered all over my white kitchen and stuff stuck to the floor. I seriously get palpitations when someone else is in MY kitchen. I'm so territorial over it it's ridiculous. It isn't worth the stress. And to be honest, in Florida they never even offered to make me a cup of tea and on the nights I got fed up and didn't cook for them in the villa they a) went out for dinner and didn't invite me and b) ordered food in and didn't ask if I wanted anything. So I highly doubt they would cook anyway.

I've decided to provide breakfast and lunch and play it by ear on a daily basis about dinner.

Why do you bother with these people? Id have no issue with them being in my kitchen as long as they cleaned up but these relatives seem to be wiping their feet all over you and you are still making excuses for them

You went on holiday to Florida and they behaved appallingly and now they are coming to your home

Its obvious they are going to behave badly in your home if they behave badly elsewhere.

miss_independent

balletshoes wrote: »

to be honest, I think its highly likely that your 12-year old guest will root around in your bedroom etc anyway, in one ear and out the other.

There is NO WAY she is getting in my room. I am a twenty something single woman. There are things in there that a child should not be allowed to touch.

Like designer shoes and handbags and expensive lingerie and jewellery! And stuff. Which she would find.

I will get a lock fitted and if I hear so much as a foot on the stairs then someone is going to get a lecture in how its exceptionally rude to be nosy and to intentionally ignore requests made by one's host!

paulineb_2

carefullycautious wrote: »

Is it self contained downstairs? Could you lock the upstairs so that they don't have access unless invited.

No way would I be buying their food I would take them shopping to buy their own food.

Write a list of what is and isn't acceptable and email it ASAP

Not helping with washing up and leaving everything for you to do is downright rude behaviour.

But this behaviour is being tolerated

They treat people like crap and thats just the way they are?

thorsoak

miss_independent wrote: »

There is NO WAY she is getting in my room. I am a twenty something single woman. There are things in there that a child should not be allowed to touch.

Like designer shoes and handbags and expensive lingerie and jewellery! And stuff. Which she would find.

I will get a lock fitted and if I hear so much as a foot on the stairs then someone is going to get a lecture in how its exceptionally rude to be nosy and to intentionally ignore requests made by one's host!

Good!:T:T:T

Kynthia

If the OH gets arsey with you and suggests going outside, firmly say "this is my home and I'll decide what is acceptable in it, and you are welcome to leave anytime".

Being clear about expectations and not being treated badly is not rude. Include expectations that they clean up after themselves and instructions on the washing machine when they arrive.