Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

melanzana

3 days max for houseguests is my rule! I love having people stay, but that is my limit.

I think it's the same for guests aswell to be honest. Each party is out of the comfort zone.

Not being smart or anything, but if I were you, and having extended the dreaded invite already, I would take myself off to a friend, hotel, family for a few nights during the family visit.

Lock up your upstairs totally. Keep essentials in the cupboard and fridge. Add treats in a box. Leave the takeaway numbers on a magnet on the fridge.

And get the hell out of Dodge!

MrsAtobe

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok, I really don't want them going through my cupboards, freezer etc though. Maybe it's just one of my quirks but I could never see myself going to someone's house and rummaging through their stuff to see what I fancied having. So, obviously, milk and butter are in the fridge, tea, coffee, sugar are in caddies on worktops, as is the bread bin. And then I could leave a hamper out with their non perishable goodies in?

Could this work?

Yes I can see it working, as long as you include it in your email of expectations:).

Dunroamin

miss_independent wrote: »

They called and said they wanted to come and stay, when would be convenient? I couldn't say never. They are family after all and I don't want a row/rift.

They're only a cousin and her family, hardly close enough relatives to worry about offending!

SuzieSue

Get one of these if your bedroom door is suitable (I've got one and use it to lock my bedroom when I am on my own in the house - you can use it both when you are in the room and also when you are outside it)

http://www.templock.co.uk/

miss_independent

lostinrates wrote: »

Us, I think I suggested the same in my first post to you!:D. (Its also, why I have a separate cupboard or drawer for this stuff, because even though it belongs to my family its for meals, and if they see it its bound to be the thing they want, and I think its a bit cruel, like putting a biscuit in front of a dog and telling them to leave it.)

I know what you mean. I think one of the main things is that I'm a bit of a baker and have accumlated quite a stock of pretty things for baking and I could just see the eldest pulling it all put and creating chaos, using my edible flowers and edible glitter/gold leaf etc which cost a fair bit. I would bake with them....just not using the expensive stuff. And also, I've got things like my Nana's Tea Set, all bubble wrapped, which is irreplaceable and thats in my kitchen cupboards - I only use it for special teas. Then there are all my cleaning products like bleach and oven cleaner and hydrogen peroxide and other things I don't want kids meddling with for obvious reasons. So I don't want all my stuff pulled out. And they aren't doing it to, say look for a biccie to go with their cuppa because I always leave a tray with plain and chocolate biscuits and a cake on it when I have people over. The kids are literally just being nosey, pulling everything out and examining it.

houseimprover

Miss I

I have seen lots of advice on a locked door....what about a locked cupboard to put the stuff u don't want them to have in!

moromir

Please please lock away that teaset before the little darlings get there, I've got my nan's teaset and its one of my most precious possessions, I'm not sure I could contain myself if mine got pulled out and knocked around like it was a mug from tescos.

miss_independent

moromir wrote: »

Please please lock away that teaset before the little darlings get there, I've got my nan's teaset and its one of my most precious possessions, I'm not sure I could contain myself if mine got pulled out and knocked around like it was a mug from tescos.

Can totally identify. She was a War Bride and it was a present. That's another reason I don't want them in my room - I'm planning on putting my valuables in there!

lostinrates

miss_independent wrote: »

I know what you mean. I think one of the main things is that I'm a bit of a baker and have accumlated quite a stock of pretty things for baking and I could just see the eldest pulling it all put and creating chaos, using my edible flowers and edible glitter/gold leaf etc which cost a fair bit. I would bake with them....just not using the expensive stuff. And also, I've got things like my Nana's Tea Set, all bubble wrapped, which is irreplaceable and thats in my kitchen cupboards - I only use it for special teas. Then there are all my cleaning products like bleach and oven cleaner and hydrogen peroxide and other things I don't want kids meddling with for obvious reasons. So I don't want all my stuff pulled out. And they aren't doing it to, say look for a biccie to go with their cuppa because I always leave a tray with plain and chocolate biscuits and a cake on it when I have people over. The kids are literally just being nosey, pulling everything out and examining it.

They are bored. Bored, poorly disciplined and comfortable in your home. Wrong but it happens. I'm quite relaxed about all this. I holler' not in my room thank kiddios,in fact can you.....' Because kids running rampage are in need of something to do, If their parents are failing to occupy them and you want to save your sanity maybe that's something to thing about?

While I hate adults in my kitchen I actually tolerate kids quite well. I also find fussy eaters eat what they have cooked much better. Might be one evening you could stand?

Books?

melanzana

moromir wrote: »

Please please lock away that teaset before the little darlings get there, I've got my nan's teaset and its one of my most precious possessions, I'm not sure I could contain myself if mine got pulled out and knocked around like it was a mug from tescos.

I would get ANYTHING of personal value upstairs into the locked away area. And I mean ANYTHING you value, no matter that it might seem trivial to others.

That includes any cleaning materials that you might be worried about others ingesting.... And so on. Then you might relax, when you get away for a night or two!

I do so understand the tiny bit of control you need. It is your home after all, and that is totally understandable. So make things as comfortable for YOU as for your guests.

But I would NOT be there 24/7 for them either. Unless you may fear their behaviour might upset neighbours or something. Even so, I would be out more than in while they are there.

If they were in a hotel etc. they would look after themselves.