Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

Craftyscholar

miss_independent wrote: »

And to be honest, in Florida they never even offered to make me a cup of tea and on the nights I got fed up and didn't cook for them in the villa they a) went out for dinner and didn't invite me and b) ordered food in and didn't ask if I wanted anything.

:eek::eek::eek:
So, basically, they took you with them to Florida to act as their cook/housekeeper while they enjoyed their holiday.

paulineb_2

miss_independent wrote: »

Because they are family and aside from my parents, I don't have alot of family....

They aren't horrible people...they just aren't polite and thoughtful. My cousin was raised by my Grandparents and she grew up with the same rules my Mum and then I myself had - (No children in adult's rooms. Don't touch anything without asking. Ask to leave the table/room. No sweets until after dinner.). She has just turned out to not have any rules.

I didnt grow up with rules like that. didnt have to ask to leave the table, my mum allowed me in her room

I had a fairly relaxed upbringing. However, Im not rude and neither is my brother

You should not need to have a list of rules and regulations to stop you acting like an idiot, particularly if you are in your 20s and beyond

Im sure they know fine well they behave badly

Get them told and if they dont behave after day two or three, ask them to leave

You wouldnt tolerate it from a lodger, you should not put up with it from family

flower24

I couldn't cope with that at all, could you make an excuse for them not to be able to stay, as it sounds like it's not going to be enjoyable at all.

houseimprover

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I've got a great plan; tell your cousin and her family that they can't come to stay. Your long lost great aunt twice removed, Ms Chocaholic is coming to stay for 10 days.

I am house trained, a little bit OCD, I'll be a whole lot less bother than those lot.

I'm sure it was meant with no harm but you either have OCD or you don't and if you do have it its not a nice thing

http://www.ocduk.org/ocd

lostinrates

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I think saying they can't get anything from the kitchen sounds OTT, just make sure you wind the food stocks down (or hide things) and just give them some shelves for their own stuff.

But it would be horrible to be in a house and unable to have a snack without asking all the time - of course I'd contribute to some provisions when i arrived but I'd expect to have some milk or bread if hungry.

If you stock up for them before they arrive (they many not be able to shop online or get to a supermarket) make sure you are clear "what's your budget, wouldn't want to overspend on your behalf" so its clear THEY ARE PAYING for the stuff.

I agree with this. Even in our adult household my family would find this a little hard. We have a 'naughty' cupboard with snack food which is stuff like nuts and stuff not from my baking supply, maybe some biscuits, or Bombay mix. I also have kid friendly stuff for visiting kids in there.

miss_independent

lostinrates wrote: »

I agree with this. Even in our adult household my family would find this a little hard. We have a 'naughty' cupboard with snack food which is stuff like nuts and stuff not from my baking supply, maybe some biscuits, or Bombay mix. I also have kid friendly stuff for visiting kids in there.

Ok, I really don't want them going through my cupboards, freezer etc though. Maybe it's just one of my quirks but I could never see myself going to someone's house and rummaging through their stuff to see what I fancied having. So, obviously, milk and butter are in the fridge, tea, coffee, sugar are in caddies on worktops, as is the bread bin. And then I could leave a hamper out with their non perishable goodies in?

Could this work?

Gigglepig

I think a snack hamper sounds lovely. I would not dream of going through the food cupboards or freezer either, unless asked to fetch something.

thorsoak

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok, I really don't want them going through my cupboards, freezer etc though. Maybe it's just one of my quirks but I could never see myself going to someone's house and rummaging through their stuff to see what I fancied having. So, obviously, milk and butter are in the fridge, tea, coffee, sugar are in caddies on worktops, as is the bread bin. And then I could leave a hamper out with their non perishable goodies in?

Could this work?

That's what I would do - telling them that they are welcome to anything in that particular container - but please leave everything else alone!

lostinrates

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok, I really don't want them going through my cupboards, freezer etc though. Maybe it's just one of my quirks but I could never see myself going to someone's house and rummaging through their stuff to see what I fancied having. So, obviously, milk and butter are in the fridge, tea, coffee, sugar are in caddies on worktops, as is the bread bin. And then I could leave a hamper out with their non perishable goodies in?

Could this work?

Yes , I think I suggested the same in my first post to you!:D. (Its also, why I have a separate cupboard or drawer for this stuff, because even though it belongs to my family its for meals, and if they see it its bound to be the thing they want, and I think its a bit cruel, like putting a biscuit in front of a dog and telling them to leave it.)

Lucy_Lastic

Did you say you have a spare room upstairs? In that case bring in re-inforcements! Have you got a friend who could stay, or maybe your Mother? You need to get a grip of these people and some back up would help.

I am the most mild mannered of people, but years ago I invited my half brother and his wife to stay for 2 weeks. I was living overseas and had not seen him for years and never had met his wife. It turned out that they were alcoholics and I could not put up with their behaviour. I threw them out after 36 hours. I never thought I had it in me, but they drove me to it. You cannot let people, even relatives, take advantage of your good nature and hospitality. I have not heard from them since and that's fine by me.

If you think you cannot do this alone, get help. The presence of someone else in the house may give you the confidence to insist on them keeping your house rules. Let's face it, you are only asking that they behave like normal house guests.

Good luck!