Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

RAS

miss_independent wrote: »

To add, my house doesn't need decorating. The whole place was revamped 2.5 years ago and people are very complimentary about it when they visit. It's like a show home, I'm single and OCD about cleaning lol!

She was just being a little madam.

But madam knows how to push buttons?

She see the attention to cleaning, so has worked out it matters to you?

thorsoak

miss_independent wrote: »

Pmlindyloo - I'm single so no OH to back me up. Also, no kids so apparently it's fair game to be told, "If you had kids...you'd know."

I do the "goody bag" thing...never get a thank you. To be fair, its not the kid's fault, they have never been taught.

I just need to survive the next two weeks or so without blowing a gasket!



Also; my Mum has had similar experiences with them. When the kids started wandering through her house (all adults in living room, the kids whom she had never met started wandering about after 10 mins), she ran to discreetly lock her bedroom door to find oldest girl behind her saying, "Why are you looking that door?". My Mum said, "Children aren't allowed in the adult's bedrooms here." and she said, "That's what Miss I said. I think its really weird you won't let me see in your rooms. Miss I won't let me upstairs in her house. It's probably cos its dirty."

And why should you not blow a gasket??? Do you owe these people money? Do they know where the bodies are buried? Would you allow friends to treat you like this? No? Well why let cousins behave like this?? I wouldn't let my sister and her children behave in this manner.

Have you really got MUG tattooed on your forehead??? No? Thought not! Treat them as the dreadful troublemakers in your worst class - AND DEAL WITH THEM!!

Go Miss Independant, go!!!

:rotfl:

bagpussbear

My goodness OP, they sound like the guests from hell!

I was about to say it's not too late for you to cancel them, but just seen your post that they have booked flights.

I think you are mad to have agreed to have them over when they such bad house-guests, certainly for that amount of time.

However, they are coming and I think other posters have given some good tips. I agree with Ognum's comment about losing your temper! they need to know what you find acceptable in your home, and if that means you ruddy well shout at them to make the point, then so be it.

I hope you get through the week ok.

*max*

miss_independent wrote: »

To add, my house doesn't need decorating. The whole place was revamped 2.5 years ago and people are very complimentary about it when they visit. It's like a show home, I'm single and OCD about cleaning lol!

She was just being a little madam.

Who cares if your house is a palace or a pigsty? She was out of order whatever it looks like. You don't need to justify yourself, especially not to a 10 year old child!

She wasn't being "a little madam". She was being a rude brat. You've got to stop making excuses for their behaviour.

flossy_splodge

All I have to offer is 'Good Luck'.

miss_independent

Ok....so.

In case you can't tell, I have a thing about not being rude.

Would you say its reasonable if when they come in, I show them their rooms, the bathroom, how to work the shower, tell them about towels etc and then say;

"I have a few rules. There isn't any reason for you to have to use upstairs. I really appreciate my privacy and I will respect yours by not going into your rooms whilst you are staying here. Likewise, I don't want anyone in my bedroom, or any of the rooms upstairs.

If you need anything please let me know. There is no need to start going through cupboards or the fridge. Just ask me and I will get it for you. Like I said, I value my privacy and just as I'd never dream of going through anyones things, I expect you not to either.

Please keep me up to date with what is happening regards mealtimes and food etc. I'm on a budget so if you know you are going to be eating out please let me know in advance so I don't make something. I usually go to bed about 11, so please could you keep the noise down after that?"


I already feel really snobby! Oh well.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I'd suggest revising this thing about you making all the food; give them a shelf and a cupboard and tell them when they can use the kitchen. And don't get the snacks in that they listed; but take them to a supermarket where they can get them themselves.

And if they start you say 'so...you wanted me to actually buy the snacks, and then to cook all your meals, and do all your washing up, and totally fund your whole holiday whilst letting your kids run wild around my property. Really. Come on, srsly? Stop it...and go get those pots done. I'll be back out of the kitchen at 8'.

paulineb_2

I think that after this is over, you remove yourself from any drama involving any member of your family and I know its tough.

No, I dont think you should say it. I think you should email them before they arrive and its done and dusted

And if they dont like it they can go elsewhere

marisco_2

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok....so.

In case you can't tell, I have a thing about not being rude.

Would you say its reasonable if when they come in, I show them their rooms, the bathroom, how to work the shower, tell them about towels etc and then say;

"I have a few rules. There isn't any reason for you to have to use upstairs. I really appreciate my privacy and I will respect yours by not going into your rooms whilst you are staying here. Likewise, I don't want anyone in my bedroom, or any of the rooms upstairs.

If you need anything please let me know. There is no need to start going through cupboards or the fridge. Just ask me and I will get it for you. Like I said, I value my privacy and just as I'd never dream of going through anyones things, I expect you not to either.

Please keep me up to date with what is happening regards mealtimes and food etc. I'm on a budget so if you know you are going to be eating out please let me know in advance so I don't make something. I usually go to bed about 11, so please could you keep the noise down after that?"


I already feel really snobby! Oh well.

Completely reasonable. Only very unreasonable people would take umbrage to any of that!

balletshoes

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok....so.

In case you can't tell, I have a thing about not being rude.

Would you say its reasonable if when they come in, I show them their rooms, the bathroom, how to work the shower, tell them about towels etc and then say;

"I have a few rules. There isn't any reason for you to have to use upstairs. I really appreciate my privacy and I will respect yours by not going into your rooms whilst you are staying here. Likewise, I don't want anyone in my bedroom, or any of the rooms upstairs.

If you need anything please let me know. There is no need to start going through cupboards or the fridge. Just ask me and I will get it for you. Like I said, I value my privacy and just as I'd never dream of going through anyones things, I expect you not to either.

Please keep me up to date with what is happening regards mealtimes and food etc. I'm on a budget so if you know you are going to be eating out please let me know in advance so I don't make something. I usually go to bed about 11, so please could you keep the noise down after that?"


I already feel really snobby! Oh well.

that sounds fine - but to be perfectly honest, you might find it easier to send those messages to your cousin before she arrives - that way you all know where you stand before they cross your threshold and you start getting those looks etc from your cousin's family members.

I think its highly likely that your 12-year old guest will root around in your bedroom etc anyway, in one ear and out the other.