Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

miss_independent

God. Just reading everything back, I realise what a complete idiot I am. What. A. Mug.

thorsoak

miss_independent wrote: »

Ok some points to add;

I can't cancel. They have booked flights and I don't want to cancel. I want to have them over but have some rules.

I am off work and I will not be leaving them alone in my house at any point.

They are expecting me to provide meals/do cooking. I learned this the hard way in Florida. They will not offer to wash up etc. They don't take plates or cups to the sink etc. Florida wasn't a holiday for me, I spent the whole time tidying up glasses, trails of popcorn and panicking they were going to destroy the villa and as I had booked it, I would have been liable for damage.

I am aiming to encourage them to get out of the house as much as possible. I used a groupon offer to buy discount attraction tickets for one day and my Dad is offering to lend them his Motorhome to go to the coast for one weekend lol!

1. Ask for their credit card details so that you can order in the food.

2. Stop being such a pushover.

Pechow

miss_independent wrote: »

They are expecting me to provide meals/do cooking. I learned this the hard way in Florida. They will not offer to wash up etc. They don't take plates or cups to the sink etc. Florida wasn't a holiday for me, I spent the whole time tidying up glasses, trails of popcorn and panicking they were going to destroy the villa and as I had booked it, I would have been liable for damage.

Did you actually ask them to help with washing up, tell them to take their plates to the sink? If so how did they respond?

*max*

miss_independent wrote: »

God. Just reading everything back, I realise what a complete idiot I am. What. A. Mug.

You've just had an epiphany! Now grow some ba!!s and practice saying "no".

Janey3

Flippin 'heck!! You deserve a medal.

"see you haven't decorated etc" - blimin' cheek - and then the child picking at the wallpaper.:eek:
I think at the very outset I would have to reduce their stay to a week.

Good luck with everything!

Firefly

Could I come and stay for ten days? I don't know you but I'm sure we would get on. I am rarely volatile, usually polite, don't invade your space, am clean and tidy and only peel wallpaper when I have a steamer or scraper. I am easy about food and won't dictate. It has been a few years since I've had a holiday and I could do with some time away f.o.c. with no bills to consider.

lostinrates

miss_independent wrote: »

God. Just reading everything back, I realise what a complete idiot I am. What. A. Mug.

Add a washing up schedule into your rules list. And a chores one. If anyone says its their holiday, point out its yours too.

I agree, send this in advance.

I really think such a long stay with a volatile inlaw and children you sound uninamoured of you are risking your relationship with your beloved cousin. Even if you don't lose patience with them these unreasonable people might lose patience with you.

Janey3

.....or - you could provide them all with plastic macs, wallpaper scrapers, paintbrushes, paint and get them working for a week, that'll sort 'em out:rotfl::rotfl:

RAS

miss_independent wrote: »

They are expecting me to provide meals/do cooking. I learned this the hard way in Florida. They will not offer to wash up etc. They don't take plates or cups to the sink etc. Florida wasn't a holiday for me, I spent the whole time tidying up glasses, trails of popcorn and panicking they were going to destroy the villa and as I had booked it, I would have been liable for damage.

At the beginning of the visit start with a session when you discuss the menu and allocate cooking duties. Perhaps e-mail your cousin now and say you are planning to cook x and y, what dishes is she planning on cooking? Give her 48 hours and chase her up when she does not reply.

After each meal, TELL one of the kids or parents to collect the plates together and take them into the kitchen. Not ask, tell. And then ask another to wash-up and the third to dry up.

If they can drive dad's motor home (insurance etc), try to get those few days in the middle of the visit as light relief.

And you should book yourself out to see other people sans family at least once every couple of days.

RAS

miss_independent wrote: »

God. Just reading everything back, I realise what a complete idiot I am. What. A. Mug.

Yay. MSE strikes again.

Well done for shifting paradigms.