Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

thorsoak

miss_independent wrote: »

They called and said they wanted to come and stay, when would be convenient? I couldn't say never. They are family after all and I don't want a row/rift.

Then in that case, set the boundaries now (1) No rifling through drawers (2) No going upstairs and (3) no rifling through the freezer.

Set the boundaries - put cake & biscuits in tins and say "these are for you - NONE OF THE OTHERS" - if necessary say "I don't want to put locks on the doors but please don't go through my room.

If it upsets the parents - tough! Otherwise you are the one who is upset!

*max*

Person_one wrote: »

Yeah, you really should have said no.

This.

You don't even seem to like them... Why on earth have you said yes to them staying for 10 days? By the sound of it, it might be a holiday for them, but it'll be hell for you.

sassyblue

Well at first l thought you were kind, now l think you're mad to invite them!

Don't buy anything expensive for your cupboards or freezer. Only buy food you don't mind them looking in the cupboards and asking for - cheeky as it is you know they still might do it. obviously pre-empt their behaviour and put things away you don't want them touching, like expensive toiletries, your make up and that nice paper and fountain pen. Drop a towel on the floor behind your bedroom door when you're in there so they can't barge in and have to knock to be let in, you can always say 'sorry not decent'.

Kids do say cheeky things sometimes so stare at them and raise your eyebrows, or just ignore them.

Can't believe the parents sat there and said nothing whilst their little darling ripped your wallpaper. Don't be afraid to speak up if they're being destructive again, that's not on! Whilst you have to have some give and take with guests they are still in your house and should respect that.

Still think you are mad though, good luck. My response to their phone call would have been 'well l only have a long weekend with nothing on'....

Takeaway_Addict

Ask them to bring a big food shop as well when they get here to stock up, give hints on the type of things u want them to bring such as ice cream etc

paulineb_2

I actually think its far too late for you to have them over, just tell them to go elsewhere, if they cant respect you, time to kick them to the kerb

Otherwise they are going to come over and you are going to be miserable

And if the mum and dad ask why youve changed your mind make it clear that they dont respect you and they dont respect your home

I bet you are not the only person they can spend time with. They are taking advantage, tell them to find somewhere else to go

thorsoak

I've just twigged ...you are a teacher for heaven's sake - how do you control the unruly kids in your class? Or do you let them walk all over you?

Same technique - with a bit of humour - should work!

RAS

Either disinvite them or have a good discussion beforehand with your cousin (like now) about the ground rules.

I would suggest to you that one of the reasons that they cannot afford a holiday elsewhere is because they do not seem to know when to stop consuming.

Make it plain that your budget is stretched and that you cannot afford to keep them in the luxury to which they would like to become accustomed.

With bedrooms, explain that you will not be entering their rooms for the duration and do not expect them to enter your bedroom so that you all retain some privacy.

If madam starts eating stuff without asking or more than agreed, pointedly tell your cousin that she will have to pay to replace the item.

And learn to say no sooner rather than later.

lostinrates

I think you have to say something in front of parents. If he is volatile show them the door.

Say, I am so excited you have come to stay. But as you know, I live alone and to get along well in my house these are the rules.

My room is out of bounds. At all times.

Kitchen cupboards are for grown ups only, (though personally miss independent I would put out a basket or box for the parents to put snack food in for the 'little darlings'. If they are catering for the family then I'd clear a fridge shelf and a cupboard for them. If you are then just the box for their snacks for the 'treasures'.

Personally, I think its too long a stay for sanity. I feel very strongly the Easter weekend was decreed as the longest possible time one could suffer the worst of the relations. Five days max.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

And the reason the kids have no realisation of what boundaries are is that they obviously arent being set any by the parents.

And the parents none by relatives!

meritaten

I think I would welcome then in and then say something on the lines of 'I am pleased to have you come and stay - please treat my house like a guesthouse'! this floor is for you to use but please, respect my private space and don't come upstairs without asking first' Hopefully they wont be in that much - I assume you are either on the coast or near a visitor attraction?
ask a neighbour if you can stash your hargen daz in their freezer for the duration and lock away your precious stuff! leave the kiddie box out in their space. and yes - fit a lock on your bedroom door!