Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

*max*

I would never, ever put a lock on my own bedroom door, in my own house, just to keep away other people's unruly kids. If they can't be trusted to not go in after being told, they don't get to stay - simple. Honestly...

marisco_2

Your house, your rules. If your cousin, her volatile husband and their juvenile delinquent children don't like them, they can forego their holiday and go home. I am sure you are the perfect host who would make any guest feel very welcome and at ease. That does not mean that you should be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home, by people who have no manners or any idea of social etiquette.

If they were relatives of mine they wouldn't have my address or phone number let alone an invite to stay.

double_mummy

write up a list of rules give to cousin and tell her that your house is a game of baseball (3 strikes and they are out) and that she is responsible for her childrens behavior and her husbands so if her family break the rules 3 times she will have to leave that day

rules would include - no going upstairs unless specifically asked to by you
no asking for food only accepting or not accepting whatever you offer
no destructive behavior
no damaging your property
a set bedtime
set personal boundaries such as privacy of phone and bedrooms etc
any other you feel are appropriate

put a lock on your phone and have the imei number handy in case she locks it out

im sure as a teacher you clearly set out the class rules to your students so everyone knows where they stand do this with your family and tell your cousin that they will not be invited back if they are asked to leave due to the breaking of the rules

Mojisola

Politely setting boundaries with houseguests - I think it's clear that the politely bit isn't going to work with this family.

I'd be really anxious about them ever being left in the house without me being there and having to monitor them the whole time I was there!

I think you're mad to have invited them based on previous experience and I can't see it ending well.

miss_independent

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

You don't want them to feel uncomfortable in your house? I would. I'd be damned if I'd put up with that sort of abuse of hospitality. A volatile Dad I would see as a posible ally, not someone to be feared of offending.

If you can't find a way of dealing with this kind of intrusion perhaps you should cancel their visit?

The Dad isn't volatile with them...just anyone who "upsets" them. They spend all their time !!!!!footing around the kids. On holiday, EVERY night they both ended up in their parents bed, they hardly ate any meals just chocolate, ice creams, nachos etc. He would just shrug and say, "Anything for a quiet life." When eldest was picking the wall paper off and on the third time I asked her to stop and used my firm "teacher" voice - he gave me this look that said, "You. Me. Outside Now!" :eek:

*max* wrote: »

This.

You don't even seem to like them... Why on earth have you said yes to them staying for 10 days? By the sound of it, it might be a holiday for them, but it'll be hell for you.

I agree it will be hell for me. My cousin was always more like a sibling and I don't want to lose touch. I do "like" them. I just hate the way they let the kids run rampant through the house.

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Ask them to bring a big food shop as well when they get here to stock up, give hints on the type of things u want them to bring such as ice cream etc

I've been given a list of what they want me to get in .

Mojisola

double_mummy wrote: »

write up a list of rules give to cousin and tell her that your house is a game of baseball (3 strikes and they are out) and that she is responsible for her childrens behavior and her husbands so if her family break the rules 3 times she will have to leave that day

rules would include - no going upstairs unless specifically asked to by you
no asking for food only accepting or not accepting whatever you offer
no destructive behavior
no damaging your property
a set bedtime
set personal boundaries such as privacy of phone and bedrooms etc
any other you feel are appropriate

put a lock on your phone and have the imei number handy in case she locks it out

im sure as a teacher you clearly set out the class rules to your students so everyone knows where they stand do this with your family and tell your cousin that they will not be invited back if they are asked to leave due to the breaking of the rules

Send the rules to them now. If they decide that they don't want to abide by them, they don't have to come.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

'I've left this cupboard and these shelves for your food; upstairs is out of bounds as that's where I have stashed the bottles of acid and bleach, and this is the snack box which all needs replacing before you leave if you eat it. I will be cooking at 7 and 7 so if you want to work around those times for the kitchen and obviously we will all do our own washing up unless we decide to all have the same meal and then we'll be sharing food and duties. If you aren't happy with the rules, then the yellow pages is there if you want to find a B&B'.

paulineb_2

Too many down sides and not enough positives

If your cousins husband cant respect your living space, off he goes

Youve to buy a list of goodies for them to consume

Sod off, thats what Id be saying, you want treats bloody well bring them yourselves

Funky_Bold_Ribena

'Dear Cus. I'm really sorry but there has been a change of plan. I have some urgent business to do with Funky Bold Ribena and will be out of town myself now for 7 days - really sorry but needs must. Love Miss I'

RAS

miss_independent wrote: »

I've been given a list of what they want me to get in .

They really are taking the !!!! arn't they.

If this cousin is like sibling then they are able to take some feed-back; like I am sorry but my budget will not run to paying for your food bill for the duration of the visit.

Yes when I visit, I eat with the family but I also pay the butcher's bill on Christmas eve and buy in other treats ( or just pay the supermarket bill). I also muck in.

For a weekend I would expect to be fed one night and to pay for a meal out the other night.