Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

Treevo

miss_independent wrote: »

Erm...cos they asked and I hadn't started this thread yet....:o

If I could turn back time I would have emailed back, "Yeah...that sounds like stuff that is easily available in our local Sainsbob's. The address for your Sat Nav is .... If you stock up on your way to my house, I will make sure I have enough freezer space for your stuff."


I did however buy all the stuff from Iceland, Aldi and Home Bargains and managed to get it all for under £60 which tbh is pretty amazing for what they've asked.

So email them saying it's come to £60 and you'll buy it as soon as they wire the money across.:D

miss_independent

Treevo wrote: »

Really?! There's a few toddlers I can't stand!

Honestly. My nicknames are, "The Baby Whisperer" and "The Real Life Mary Poppins." Total strangers at parties or where I volunteer have asked if could they hire me to tame their kids after seeing how different they are with me. I've always loved kids and to be honest, they usually always seem to like me too. Even cousin says that her two "adore me and just want to be my best friend." :eek:

But seriously, the eldest one is my kryptonite.

neverdespairgirl

pmlindyloo wrote: »

7. Talking of wrecking the house - put anything precious away (give it to a neighbour) and make your house look like a hotel (cos that's how it is going to be treated)

They won't be - when you check out of a hotel you have to fork over cold, hard cash!

scaredy_cat

can you box anything up that you don't want them the get at and leave with a neighbor or friend? i'd include your baking stuff and anything precious.

also, say this is my home, please don't treat it like a hotel, you wash your cups up after and put towels in the basket.

as for the list of food- give them the receipts and ask for the money!

and if they start complaining, say, well there is a hotel/b&b down the road, you can stay there if my house doesn't suit you!

neverdespairgirl

miss_independent wrote: »

"Why are you looking that door?". My Mum said, "Children aren't allowed in the adult's bedrooms here." and she said, "That's what Miss I said. I think its really weird you won't let me see in your rooms. Miss I won't let me upstairs in her house. It's probably cos its dirty."

I'd practice a few polite sentences to reply to brat-from-hell

"I value my personal space, and privacy is important to me."

"Why would you say that? Do you not know it's rude, or are you trying to be insulting deliberately?"

and the nuclear weapon for a 12 year old,

"Perhaps you'll understand when you're older".

miss_independent

Loz01 wrote: »

Good lord I've ready all 10 pages or however many and I think I'm in shock!! Never ever let them stay again after this. I know how you feel though about families and obligations, sometimes it is hard to say no when people put upon you in a particular way. Eldest girl sounds weird but I know her type, there's one in my family!! She's 10 but looks at me in a completely mean-girl judgemental way and I'm 26. She struts about thinking she's it and its actually quite unnerving from someone so young.

Oh trust me, the Mean Girl phase was age six. She snapped her fingers in my face, pouted, and told me, "You better recognise!" at a family gathering. My 6foot brother yelled, "And you better never wave your hand in an elder's face, especially a lady who deserves your respect and never use that tone EVER again." She went pale and went and sat next to Daddy, saying she felt poorly.

Now its more cold as ice death stare and its all gone a bit single white female meet a girl version of Damien. Honestly, imagine waking up at 2 in the morning with her stood in your doorway staring at you! Or coming out of the shower and having her sitting on your bed. Or cryng hysterically because you wouldn't take your swimsuit off in front of her.

Lieja

I'm totally confused as to why you're worried about appearing rude to these people? They sound awful, if it were anyone I knew I wouldn't give a crap what they thought of me after behaving like that!

They are visiting your home, and eating your food, and giving you nothing in return except phenomenal amounts of stress.

Give them the rules, treat any rule breakers strictly and don't be scared to chuck them out when they take it too far. And for god's sake give them the food bill. Why are you paying to be a housekeeper for a bunch of horrible people in your own home?!

Dunroamin

miss_independent wrote: »

Oh trust me, the Mean Girl phase was age six. She snapped her fingers in my face, pouted, and told me, "You better recognise!" at a family gathering. My 6foot brother yelled, "And you better never wave your hand in an elder's face, especially a lady who deserves your respect and never use that tone EVER again." She went pale and went and sat next to Daddy, saying she felt poorly.

Now its more cold as ice death stare and its all gone a bit single white female meet a girl version of Damien. Honestly, imagine waking up at 2 in the morning with her stood in your doorway staring at you! Or coming out of the shower and having her sitting on your bed. Or cryng hysterically because you wouldn't take your swimsuit off in front of her.

Get your brother round while they're staying - I like his style!

coolcait

miss_independent wrote: »

To add, my house doesn't need decorating. The whole place was revamped 2.5 years ago and people are very complimentary about it when they visit. It's like a show home, I'm single and OCD about cleaning lol!

She was just being a little madam.

That's really irrelevant.

Even if your house did need decorating, decent guests don't point it out.

Decent parents don't let their children point it out.

If you feel the need to defend something on this thread, how about the user name 'miss_independent'?

Do you think your cousin and her family see you as 'miss_independent'?

It doesn't sound like it.

Time for some defensive action?

maman

I understand that you're going to provide food and cook for them while they're with you. Despite what others have said I find that fairly normal for guests. Although to provide a list isn't normal and most guests would take you out for a meal or buy some wine/chocs as a gesture in return. I think maybe you'd also like to keep a handle on the cleaning although I'm sure they could tidy up after themselves. If you stick to what you suggested and only the sitting room and kitchen are 'shared' areas then it's not too much to ask them to keep that free of cups and wrappers etc.

As another poster suggested I'd use your OCD as a lead in. I'd definitely email your cousin in advance. Tell her that although you're really looking forward to seeing HER that you're getting really worried because you're so used to having everything 'just so' in your home that you can't stand the idea of any repetition of the 'Florida' behaviour. So you've thought out a few rules/ideas: then set out about respecting privacy, staying downstairs, not rifling through cupboards...just generally respecting YOU and your home. When they arrive just say to the girls, in front of parents, 'I've told mum that you're to keep out of the cupboards and not to help yourself to food as that's planned for meals but this box is for snacks. Ask your mum and if she says yes you can eat these'. If they've got any decency they'll replenish it themselves.

If the 12 year old starts playing up then you'll just have to brave it out. Be strong, learn to say No and mean it. If dad kicks off then tell him any version of 'my house, my rules' that comes to mind.