Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

Funky_Bold_Ribena

By the way - yes they have the plane tickets but there are other family members around that they could tap to stay with..I repeat my previous post about having some urgent business that you have to attend to...and suggest they might want to contact other family members if they still want to come over.

Actually, can you get the motorhome off your dad for the 10 days, have it parked up and the 'snacks' that they asked for, in a nice basket in there for them? Or pick them up in it, drive to the nearest train station, and get the train home yourself. Or to mine, remember we have some urgent business to attend to.

andygb

miss_independent wrote: »

I know what you mean but...honestly, it would be less hassle to cook. They leave the kitchen an absolute pigsty and I don't want crap spluttered all over my white kitchen and stuff stuck to the floor. I seriously get palpitations when someone else is in MY kitchen. I'm so territorial over it it's ridiculous. It isn't worth the stress. And to be honest, in Florida they never even offered to make me a cup of tea and on the nights I got fed up and didn't cook for them in the villa they a) went out for dinner and didn't invite me and b) ordered food in and didn't ask if I wanted anything. So I highly doubt they would cook anyway.

I've decided to provide breakfast and lunch and play it by ear on a daily basis about dinner.

I am very sorry Miss I, but after reading this I am very surprised that you are even in contact with them.
They are totally useless, inconsiderate, selfish people and nothing can disguise that fact.
I wouldn't let them through my front door, never mind let them stay for ten days:eek:

lostinrates

andygb wrote: »

I am very sorry Miss I, but after reading this I am very surprised that you are even in contact with them.
They are totally useless, inconsiderate, selfish people and nothing can disguise that fact.
I wouldn't let them through my front door, never mind let them stay for ten days:eek:

I missed that bit.

Miss independent, why are you inviting people to treat you this way?

pollypenny

OH and I are longterm house guests with DS & DIL, however, we do the shopping and the cooking, any cleanin g I can spot and any weeding etc.

Those kids are horrendous and the parents are pathetic. I would be the one giving the father the 'look'. From years of practice teaching teenagers.

andygb

Dunroamin wrote: »

Get your brother round while they're staying - I like his style!

:beer:
Yes, I agree, I doubt whether the husband would be so "volatile" with him around.
What a great suggestion though:T

fluffymuffy

In your situation I'd be asking my mother/brother/best friend to come to stay too. I would not want to be handling this alone.

Mojisola

miss_independent wrote: »

And I don't feel calm, I just feel anxious. I defrosted the freezer today, cleaned out my fridge, then went and bought all the stuff on their list (all convenience crap). In my head, I'm practicing what to say and the tone to do it in but I feel jittery.

I think I'm worried they go home after staying with me and slag me off to the rest of the family. I don't know why I agreed to them coming. Thanks for all the advice. I realise I have made a rod for my own back and I'm just going to have to deal with it.

I'm getting worried about you now - I think the stress of this visit is going to really affect you. Your health is far more important than family relations!

As to them slagging you off - of course they're going to do. Even if you were a complete doormat all the time they were with you, they'd be moaning to the rest of the family about you! Nothing you can do is going to be good enough for these awful people.

Please don't wait until they arrive to lay down the rules - I don't think you'll be able to do it once you're face-to-face with them.

SuzieSue

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Can you not feign illness or something and put them off?

I'd definitely do this - something contagious.

Miss I, you are already close to breaking point and they haven't even arrived yet. You need to stop this now.

Tryingagainandagain

miss_independent wrote: »

But seriously, the eldest one is my kryptonite.

I think this is the point - you have turned this over in your mind so often that you are just reinforcing your fears.

I wouldn't even send an e-mail. I'd take my cousin aside when they get to my house and tell her that their previous behaviour had upset you greatly and that this was their last chance to redeem themselves.
Tell her exactly what you expect - brats under control, help with keeping their mess under control, husband chained in the yard:):). Then tell her if they can't manage that they can leave. If they are all willing to try, they can stay and welcome.

You are just as much her family as she is yours, and are entitled to as much consideration.

As to being a mug - dealing with family is hard. Who wants to have a rift? However you will end up being ill if this isn't dealt with and any rift will then be their choice.

ps - if husband kicks off, call the police. Don't be polite, don't be hesitant, this is domestic abuse and will be dealt with.

I hope you manage to resolve this - I am sure if you keep your sense of humour it will pass okay - then go to stay with them next time. You could always turn up with a few friends and start ripping up their carpets? I'm up for it.:)

aliasojo

miss_independent wrote: »

They called and said they wanted to come and stay, when would be convenient? I couldn't say never. They are family after all and I don't want a row/rift.

If you're not willing to 'man' up...then you're just gonna have to 'suck it up'. :rotfl:

Sorry but most folk wouldn't entertain such a visit, family or not. They are using you. Why let them? The stress of cancelling the visit would be short lived compared to the stress you're going to be put through during the visit.