📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

Options
1303133353638

Comments

  • securityguy
    securityguy Posts: 2,464 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    IMy Mum has been staying with me for moral support but tbh its not helping as its really getting her down and when she has gone to bed twice now she has ended up in tears.

    But it means that when to tell your relatives to get stuffed, your mother will be on your side. That's a real benefit, given your reluctance to offend your family in the large.
  • securityguy
    securityguy Posts: 2,464 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    aileth wrote: »
    Wouldn't it be a shame if your television suddenly stopped working for some reason.......

    Wouldn't it be a shame if your Internet connection had a fault.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    But it means that when to tell your relatives to get stuffed, your mother will be on your side. That's a real benefit, given your reluctance to offend your family in the large.

    And if they moan to any other relatives who raise the issue with you, your answer is easy "You have them to stay at your house for a week and then I'll discuss it with you."
  • jazabelle
    jazabelle Posts: 1,707 Forumite
    quidsy wrote: »
    and you said in reply?

    She already said he's intimidating, and the middle if the night probably isn't the best time for some screaming argument.

    While in fictional land we'd have all loved her to say "And this is my house, so get out!" having some pretty crappy family myself, I do completely understand having to bite my tongue no matter what or face being outcasted from the family (which has happened when I asked my cousin's child to stop behaving badly towards me when she was about 8).

    OP has put up with this visit - but has stated no more visits! That's the important thing.
    "There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow." - Orison Swett Marden
  • quidsy wrote: »
    and you said in reply?

    "No wonder your children have no respect for you. You can F and blind at them and take your trainer off and threaten to wack them with it but at the end of the day they aren't at all intimidated by you. They just laugh in your face. It's your life that is being ruined, look at you, you are exhausted, moody and irritable. You have no life and it's all because you are allowing your kids to walk all over you. Well, I'm going to bed and its up to you to ensure that no damage is done to my doors or you will pay for it. I can't hear a thing in my room, it's you that will be kept up all night by her screaming and acting like a lunatic, not me. Good Luck."

    And I waltzed out of the room leaving everyone dumbfounded, except my Mum who turned around and said, "They respect her more than you. They do what she says. She's the one that gets them to bed, to brush their teeth, to eat their meals and she doesn't have to swear at them. They walk all over you." Then she scurried out of the room

    Next morning, it was like nothing had been said. And its since then he has been talking about coming again so he obviously wasn't that offended.
  • aileth
    aileth Posts: 2,822 Forumite
    Next morning, it was like nothing had been said. And its since then he has been talking about coming again so he obviously wasn't that offended.

    Do you think maybe he might be really embarrassed about it so that's why he's talking about coming again? Sort of deflecting in a way maybe? I know when something embarrassing has happened to me I've tried to act like it never happened!
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    "No wonder your children have no respect for you. You can F and blind at them and take your trainer off and threaten to wack them with it but at the end of the day they aren't at all intimidated by you. They just laugh in your face. It's your life that is being ruined, look at you, you are exhausted, moody and irritable. You have no life and it's all because you are allowing your kids to walk all over you. Well, I'm going to bed and its up to you to ensure that no damage is done to my doors or you will pay for it. I can't hear a thing in my room, it's you that will be kept up all night by her screaming and acting like a lunatic, not me. Good Luck."

    WOW! I didn't think you had it in you - good for you. :T:T:T
  • Sorry, should add....he really wasn't that scary once I saw the fact that his kids could laugh in his face while he was shouting and threatening violence.

    They have zero respect for him so why should I?

    This time round, I've made it clear when I've not been happy to the kids. Not shouting or over dramatic, just - "I don't like that behaviour." and, "I'm really quite disappointed at how you just chose to behave." then I walk off or get on with something. They disappear for 10 minutes then come looking for me. Youngest child is very unaffectionate and the other day after she was very rude towards me, I told her, "I think you've just been very hurtful to me and I didn't deserve that. I'm very disappointed.", then went to fix the TV. 2 minutes later, I felt a pair of arms around me and I turned around and there she was. It wasn't even manipulative. I said, "What's this for?" and she said, "Just felt like it." and I said, "Well, thank you, that was a very nice hug."

    It was actually very sad. I took her to the park the other day, it's got a pirate ship, a zipline, trampolines, bouncy castles everything. She just stood there. I said, "it's ok, you can play on absolutely anything. All we need is to be back for tea so you can play for 40 mins." She looked at me and said, "I don't know how."

    All she does is spend all day in bed on her laptop on WoW. Yes, not even 9 yet and has a Wow account. Parents say its the only thing that keeps her quiet.
  • aileth wrote: »
    Do you think maybe he might be really embarrassed about it so that's why he's talking about coming again? Sort of deflecting in a way maybe? I know when something embarrassing has happened to me I've tried to act like it never happened!

    He genuinely seems to love coming here and I think it could be his way of checking he's still welcome.

    You will all laugh, but we discovered we had a mutual love of One Tree Hill the other night and when the kids have worn him out he collapses on the couch and watches my boxsets. We sort of bonded. But I still don't like him.

    When he said, "Well we'll be back again at Christmas and thought if we brought a couple of the girl's friend's they might be better behaved."

    I said, "Well you'll have a hard time getting through the door because I'll be lying on X beach sunning myself."

    and he laughed, saying, "Yeah, right."

    And I said, "I'm serious. I can't afford to heat this house in winter and pay for extra electrics with the dark nights. Its cheaper to go abroad. I'm getting nearly a month of at Christmas this year and I'm flying the day after term ends. Mum and Dad are in the same boat too."

    Then I walked off.

    The walking off is key. Deliver a bomb. Calmly walk off. Then they digest it and you aren't there for the fall out.
  • Any
    Any Posts: 7,959 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    They seem incredibly thick not to get the message they are not invited when you say you are abroad - surely one would get the message??
    Either that you are away, or that you are lying, either way, it is a "no".
    "Yeah right"?? What sort of answer is that?
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 351K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.6K Spending & Discounts
  • 244.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 599K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177K Life & Family
  • 257.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.