Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

miss_independent

Mojisola wrote: »

I do hope that because you have found some common ground with him, you don't start to think that their behaviour isn't so bad. It's still way off the scale for rudeness.

Who on earth tells someone that not only are they coming to stay again but are bringing more people with them?

And, of course, where would poor Miss "Princess and the Pea" sleep if there were two more children in the house?

No, I think he is an ignorant oaf who is all out for what he can get materially and financially. He is a complete taker.

And I have no idea where he proposes 4 children and 2 adults would sleep. Also, despite what peope have said, I have been paying for the food and received no contribution. So would I also have to feed another two kids? At Christmas? My friend just pointed out anyway, why would a parent let their child go and stay in a foreign country with a stranger at Christmas anyway...

angel00079 wrote: »

I must admit that I have only skim read this thread. I found it while looking for something else. You have the patience of a saint

I admire your views on guests. It shows that you were raised well which is more than can be said for these kids. I know they are behaving like brats but I feel sorry for them. I wonder how they are going to get on when they are older.

There were a few things but the food and bed incidents shocked me. I couldn't imagine behaving like that to my mother as a child. As a child I might have asked lots of questions. If I asked something that wasn't appropriate I was guided away by my mother from the topic and we might have a discussion later. Any elder was always auntie or uncle so and so.

I think that you need to make it clear that they are not welcome to stay at Christmas. They might book flights and then ask for keys etc. It sounds like subtle does not work.

If I was your dad I would be concerned what state the motorhome will come back in.

I wonder what would happen if you said I have booked flights to visit you at half term.

This is your home, guests or not they should be fitting in, not the other way round.

Lol... You haven't seen the travelling dustbin aka, Dad's motorhome :rotfl:. You seem to have been raised like me, my family made it clear what they expected of me around elders and if I started to get even slightly precocious in my questions or behaviour a few choice words would be whispered in my ear. If I was rude, I knew I would get a smack the minute I got home so I just wouldn't take the risk. Not that I condone smacking!

Part of the reason my Mum has been crying is because she knows these kids are going to have trouble as adults and then will repeat all of this with their own kids.

Given my line of work, I'm finding it very hard to detach from what I'm witnessing. I do see it as indirect child abuse. They are neglected, their bodies are in a right mess from the food and lack of exercise, they have no communication skills, are intelligent but apparently performing badly in school, oldest girl is becoming a bit of a Lolita, chatting to older boys on Facetime and Snapchat etc also expressing interest in men MY age and older (MMmmm look at the body on that guy...I'll take him any day) :eek: and Dad just shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know what to do. She is growing up too fast." Given that I'm so far away, what can I do though? I feel like its a lost cause and I hate feeling that way about kids.

BitterAndTwisted

Those children are a lost cause to you. It's very sad the way they are being raised but that's not anyone's problem but the parents'.

I'd be composing a nice and frank email in my head all the time they are here. And send it once you've waved them off at the airport. I'd leave them in doubt whatsoever that they are objectionable people who are never going to darken your door ever again and hang the ruddy consequences.

neverdespairgirl

miss_independent wrote: »

I can't understand it. Within an hour of my house we have several theme parks, 2 massive theatres, beaches, hills, canals, a waterpark, boats, an indoor ski slope, shopping centres, an AMAZING park 15 minutes away etc etc. All they want to do is slob around all day doing nothing.

Sounds as if you live in a great place, with loads of possible activities.

My 8 year old son would go crazy shut up all day with electronics, he needs regular exericse. And so do I!

I'm just trying to imagine what my parents would have said if I'd ever tried to turf them out of a double bed so I could sleep in it on my own. My Dad never, ever swears, but I'm sure he would have communicated the "no way in hell" meaning pretty quickly!

Similarly, if DS tried that one on us, he'd be told off for being rude and silly.

LannieDuck

Well done for standing up to them so much, Miss_I In a strange way, I expect they'll respect you more for it.

I too feel sorry for the children. Imagine not knowing how to play at a playground

DaftyDuck

miss_independent wrote: »

Hell no! I choose how I want to spend christmas, I don't want any houseguests and I am actually spending christmas abroad this year, no joke. It's already booked and I'm not changing it.

Then you can just leave them a key.... and there'll be an extra bed for the delightful daughter.... :eek:

Edit: multiple others came up with that first, an' I din notice! So, my alternative suggestion... can we all stay in your place when you're away... still let them come, just let us horde loose on them? Pleeeeaaase, promise they'd never communicate with you again...

Treevo

You've done it once so now prepare a bill for the food, leave it with him and walk off into another room. Then head back through after a few minutes and tell him that cash will be fine and point him to the nearest cash machine. If he doesn't pay - they don't come back after they've left on the motorhome. I do hope it's not your motorhome, by the way?

Mojisola

miss_independent wrote: »

Given my line of work, I'm finding it very hard to detach from what I'm witnessing. I do see it as indirect child abuse.

I'd been thinking the same thing.

They are neglected, their bodies are in a right mess from the food and lack of exercise, they have no communication skills, are intelligent but apparently performing badly in school, oldest girl is becoming a bit of a Lolita, chatting to older boys on Facetime and Snapchat etc also expressing interest in men MY age and older (MMmmm look at the body on that guy...I'll take him any day) :eek: and Dad just shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know what to do. She is growing up too fast." Given that I'm so far away, what can I do though? I feel like its a lost cause and I hate feeling that way about kids.

Girls who aren't getting the right attention from a good male role model often do behave precociously.

It must be so disheartening not to be able do anything about these useless parents.

valk_scot

Can I make a suggestion? Change your locks before Christmas. They might just have decided to get a copy made of your keys "for convenience when we arrive at Christmas" after all.

miss_independent

valk_scot wrote: »

Can I make a suggestion? Change your locks before Christmas. They might just have decided to get a copy made of your keys "for convenience when we arrive at Christmas" after all.

Thanks but I intentionally haven't given them a key ! I've been taking my door key into my bedroom at night because I don't trust them and I don't trust the girls not to wander around at night.

They will be told they can't stay here. Simple as.

System

Birdie85 wrote: »

Oh Miss Indie, I actually feel really sorry for the girls. The poor things have simply been left to their own devices too much to know how to act in a decent manner, and even to play like real kids. Are they overweight? Maybe next time he tells you they're coming to visit you should say you'll take *just* the girls, after a while with you I'd put money on their little 'quirks' like demanding certain beds, acting up like brats for attention, not washing properly every day (ewwww _pale_) will be long gone!

Reading about these 2 girls reminds me of the programme "The World's Strictest Parents"!

It is amazing how children's unruly behaviour soon gets corrected given the right guidance, discipline and circumstances.