Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

miss_independent

I'm alive but exhausted and p*d off. They are taking the motorhome tomorrow (hopefully) and coming back on Saturday for one night then flying home Sunday. They seem totally incapable of leaving my house for more than an hour and when I say I've got things to do and thought they might be going out today, they say that I should just leave them a key but needless to say, from the behaviour I've seen I'm not happy with that at all. My Mum has been staying with me for moral support but tbh its not helping as its really getting her down and when she has gone to bed twice now she has ended up in tears.

I thought I could have got rid of them after the first night. There is one guest room with twin beds and another with a double. I came downstairs the first morning and found my cousins husband asleep on my couch in the living room. I wasn't happy because the whole family only shower every 3 to 4 days and don't really wash properly in between and they do smell really quite badly so the idea of him sleeping on my couch was a bit off-putting to say the least. My house currently smells like a pigsty.

Anyway, it transpires that the oldest daughter got up in the middle of the night and complained that she couldn't sleep in a single bed, she is only used to doubles so she kicked her mum and dad out of their double, mum went and slept in the twin room with the younger daughter and dad had to sleep on the couch whilst oldest daughter got the double bed to herself (she can't sleep with anyone else in the bed). The next morning I asked what she sleeps on at sleepovers (knowing it was on the floor in a sleeping bag) and got a very cheeky response along with the suggestion that she would really feel more comfortable sleeping in my bedroom. Knowing she hasn't seen my room, I replied that it wouldn't be suitable anyway as I have a single bed and that it is rude for a guest to put their host out of a bed. I suggested that maybe they would be more comfortable moving to a Premier Inn or Travelodge but it appears to have fallen on deaf ears.

I could go on for years about everything that is going wrong but I know it will only annoy alot of people on here. I've only got one night to put up with it and then I never want them back here again. Cousins husband has told me they are coming to stay with me over Christmas and bringing friends for each of the girls as they get bored alone. Flipping cheek.

MakeupAddict_2

miss_independent wrote: »

Cousins husband has told me they are coming to stay with me over Christmas and bringing friends for each of the girls as they get bored alone. Flipping cheek.

The word you are looking for begins with N and ends in O.

Keep saying it.

MuAx

lostinrates

Miss independent what are you going to do about Christmas?

Please, please act soon to say no, If you don't you're anger will fade and your risk becoming a door mat (again) to these people.

I'm sad your mother has been allowed top be treated in such a way she has been in tears.

Gigervamp

OMG!

You're going away for xmas aren't you?

LannieDuck

You MUST say no to Christmas. Nice and clearly so they can't misinterpret. If not in person, then in an e-mail after they get back home.

MrsAtobe

Cheeky little madam, but more fool her parents for putting up with that behaviour. I wonder how the dad's back feels after a night on the settee?

Miss Independent, you are going to be away at Christmas aren't you . Taking all your house keys with you too...

Money_maker

miss_independent wrote: »

Cousins husband has told me they are coming to stay with me over Christmas and bringing friends for each of the girls as they get bored alone. Flipping cheek.

Bloody hell, you make sure you tell them NOW before they make any firm plans. You really have to grow a pair and tell these parasites where to go. Are you really related:rotfl:

miss_independent

Hell no! I choose how I want to spend christmas, I don't want any houseguests and I am actually spending christmas abroad this year, no joke. It's already booked and I'm not changing it.

lostinrates

miss_independent wrote: »

Hell no! I choose how I want to spend christmas, I don't want any houseguests and I am actually spending christmas abroad this year, no joke. It's already booked and I'm not changing it.

I should imagine they'll say that's fine, just to leave the house keys with your parents.....who can collect them from the airport and drop them off at your place:rotfl:

MakeupAddict_2

miss_independent wrote: »

Cousins husband has told me they are coming to stay with me over Christmas and bringing friends for each of the girls as they get bored alone. Flipping cheek.

My last post was a quick response, this is the proper one.

You seem to have a bit of an identity crisis over this, culture wise. Your daily life is British and westernised, but an event like this reminds you that by birth you have two cultures, and you're confused over how much you have to adhere to that culture's traditions and expectations. The result is the mental torment you're now putting yourself through.


I don't think you're in a position where you have to accede to their demands as of cultural right. Expectation, a sense of entitlement on their part probably, but not a right. And to demand that you also accommodate friends for each of the children is unacceptable, arrogant, and you have the RIGHT to say no, culture notwithstanding. Even if they were to say they wouldn't bring the friends, you still have the right to say no. There may be some painful fallout to this within the family, but you have to put your foot down somewhere or this could go on until the cousin is bringing her husband, her children, their partners and THEIR children.

I wouldn't try to use lack of space as a reason, however true - they'll expect you to give up your room, at the very least. Simply say no, with 'it's not possible' or 'it's not convenient' on the end if you need to. Keep saying it, without getting into any discussion of why. (It's a technique known as the stuck record.)

If they can afford the flights, they can afford the Travelodge if they really want to see you. If they want a free holiday, tough. There's no such thing as a free lunch or a free holiday, and you don't have to be the one who pays in both cash and stress.

MuAx

eta: Miss I, I was typing this as you posted your last comment. Glad to hear you won't be around and have a cast iron reason to say no. Use my advice above the next time they tell you they're coming to stay!!