Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

miss_independent

Thanks for all the supportive posts! I will keep you updated. It is more extra expense than you realise at the time you agree, have had to go out and buy towels today as I don't need a lot for the house usually.

Feeling somewhat calmer. We actually skyped earlier and I casually asked the kids what they were looking forward to and then dropped in some suggestions of places they could go. Each one shot down in flames "I don't like clowns. I don't like the cinema. I don't like farms. I don't like rides.". Oh well.

To the poster above. I haven't visited their house since I was at school. My parents and I stayed with them and it was a nightmare, we were cold and starving and stuck in the middle of nowhere with no car, so no way of going for food and we hadn't thought of taking food with us in our suitcases. We got bread and that was it. My parents had supported them financially when they first moved to where they are now settled. From what we saw, housework wasn't done and cooking was only one day a week. The rest of the time they ordered in. And got drunk all the time.

They don't have a maid or anything. They just don't tidy up or cook. They basically do the bare minimum to not get rodents. I know this because they have previously made fun of me and said, "We never do x y and z. Just enough to keep the rats out." On skype Cousin said, "Knowing you you'll be cleaning furiously for us coming, we couldn't have you here - we have dust six inches thick!" and youngest DD said, "No we really do, I draw in it!"

onlyroz

In that case I suggest you get in some paper plates because I can't see them volunteering to wash up...

kitty_cat_2

I've been given a list of what they want me to get in .[/QUOTE]

cheeky bu66ers! tel them to s0d off! :rotfl:

kitty_cat_2

[Stand up for yourself Miss I, retain your sanity and cancel the invite. The worst that can happen is that they disown you and don't talk to you again. That would be a result surely.[/QUOTE]

oh yes.. i second this!

paulineb_2

miss_independent wrote: »

Thanks for all the supportive posts! I will keep you updated. It is more extra expense than you realise at the time you agree, have had to go out and buy towels today as I don't need a lot for the house usually.

Feeling somewhat calmer. We actually skyped earlier and I casually asked the kids what they were looking forward to and then dropped in some suggestions of places they could go. Each one shot down in flames "I don't like clowns. I don't like the cinema. I don't like farms. I don't like rides.". Oh well.

To the poster above. I haven't visited their house since I was at school. My parents and I stayed with them and it was a nightmare, we were cold and starving and stuck in the middle of nowhere with no car, so no way of going for food and we hadn't thought of taking food with us in our suitcases. We got bread and that was it. My parents had supported them financially when they first moved to where they are now settled. From what we saw, housework wasn't done and cooking was only one day a week. The rest of the time they ordered in. And got drunk all the time.

They don't have a maid or anything. They just don't tidy up or cook. They basically do the bare minimum to not get rodents. I know this because they have previously made fun of me and said, "We never do x y and z. Just enough to keep the rats out." On skype Cousin said, "Knowing you you'll be cleaning furiously for us coming, we couldn't have you here - we have dust six inches thick!" and youngest DD said, "No we really do, I draw in it!"

I still dont know why you bother with these people. You went to their home to stay and ended up starving?

You got bread and that was it and they ordered takeaway and you and your parents didnt get any?

Your parents supported them financially? Why would they do that?

Also, its up to them how they clean their house or not. Thats my view, you dont need to live in the mess and if you were going to them that would be a decision you would need to make. Of course its far from ideal for the kids being in this situation

But they dont seem to have a good word to say about you and you dont seem to have anything to say about them and I dont blame you

But how they live or choose to live is a side issue

Your family seem to have bent over backwards to support these people and your mum knows how badly they treat extended family, but you are still having them to stay?

They wouldnt be within 100 miles of my home and if I had said to my mum these people had invited themselves to stay her answer would have been, they arent, tell them politely to get lost.

aileth

miss_independent wrote: »

We actually skyped earlier and I casually asked the kids what they were looking forward to and then dropped in some suggestions of places they could go. Each one shot down in flames "I don't like clowns. I don't like the cinema. I don't like farms. I don't like rides.". Oh well.

Simples, "WHEN YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE YOU DO LIKE CLOWNS, YOU DO LIKE THE CINEMA, YOU DO LIKE FARMS AND YOU DO LIKE RIDES. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

paulineb_2

Tell you something, you will feel FAR better if you tell them once this visit is over that it will be the very last time they come and stay with you

At the moment you might as well be wearing a T shirt saying kick me on it.

These people look as if they have bullied and browbeaten and taken advantage of more than one person in your family over a number of years but you have to have them to stay because thats the way its done in your culture.

Respect is a two way street. Id be letting people know just how badly theyve treated you over the years and if that means that things are frosty at extended family parties, so be it.

And start saying no more often, its not easy but once its done, you wont look back.

Battleaxe44

Get this visit over and the next time they want to invite themselves, you are off to do other things and will be unavailable.

I nearly choked when I read they are going to use your parents motorhome to for a bit, talk about USERS..cultural or not. I do know what the cultural thing is but this just beyond the pale.

The fact that you have had to go out buy more towels. be prepared for a hike in your utility bills. These people are just not worth the effort. If you stand up to them, no matter how much they try to bad mouth you,m I bet, you get more brownie points for standing up to them, even though the rest family wont say so to your face.

If you can deep breath when you see the mess in your home, count down to the day they leave.

Good luck

paulineb_2

If I had a garden Id be buying a tent (you can get a cheap one at spar) and thats where they would be sleeping for the duration

Yes, also crossed my mind re the motorhome, if they use it, they fill it with petrol, you dont.

gunsandbanjos

No advice from me, just wishing you luck Miss_Independent, sounds like you need it.