Politely setting boundaries with houseguests

Mojisola

paulineb wrote: »

Tell you something, you will feel FAR better if you tell them once this visit is over that it will be the very last time they come and stay with you

Battleaxe44 wrote: »

Get this visit over and the next time they want to invite themselves, you are off to do other things and will be unavailable.

I wouldn't be busy when they want to come - they would just keep on asking. I would just tell them (by email, after they get home) that they will not be welcome again, ever.

If anyone in the family wants an explanation, I would compare the way you and your mother were treated when you were their guests and the way they behaved in Florida and at your house. Any one who thinks they should still be invited to stay can have them at their house!

FBaby

Family doesn't mean it is ok to become sub-servant. The behaviour of that child is completely unacceptable, it is your house and you are entitled to expect rules to be adhered to. It is one thing to be polite and not want to cause tension with family during visits, but to be walked all over and expected to close your eyes to outrageous behaviour is another matter.

You need to be a horrible person by laying rules. It's all about the tone of your voice. Much easier to make it clear from the start that in YOUR house, children do go upstairs, don't open cupboards and help themselves etc... However, maybe you could see about spending a few 1 to 1 moments with her asking about her life. I believe that most children who behave like this one does do so because they lack positive attention . It's much easier to spoilt a child letting them getting away with things than bothering to spend some time having a pleasant conversation with them to allow them to discuss what matters to them.

~Chameleon~

In this situation, I thik I'd be taking the earliest opportunity I could find to take the children out somewhere away from parents and have a jolly good chat about what sort of behaviour I expect from them and what I won't tolerate.

I'm sure being a teacher you would know exactly how to handle this and away from the glaring eyes and wrath of the father you'd cope superbly. Hopefully they may get the message and behave for the rest of the week.

Craftyscholar

FBaby wrote: »

Family doesn't mean it is ok to become sub-servant. The behaviour of that child is completely unacceptable, it is your house and you are entitled to expect rules to be adhered to. It is one thing to be polite and not want to cause tension with family during visits, but to be walked all over and expected to close your eyes to outrageous behaviour is another matter.

:T:T:T

FBaby wrote: »

You need to be a horrible person by laying rules. It's all about the tone of your voice. Much easier to make it clear from the start that in YOUR house, children do go upstairs, don't open cupboards and help themselves etc... However, maybe you could see about spending a few 1 to 1 moments with her asking about her life. I believe that most children who behave like this one does do so because they lack positive attention . It's much easier to spoilt a child letting them getting away with things than bothering to spend some time having a pleasant conversation with them to allow them to discuss what matters to them.

I suspect it will not make any difference to her behaviour as she has obviously been brought up to see it as acceptable, however if you do try then at least you can say that you did try when they start to blame you for everything.

Oh and your description of the way the eldest treats you proves that his claim that the girls enjoy spending time with you is just a pile of nonsense.

andygb

miss_independent wrote: »

Feeling somewhat calmer. We actually skyped earlier and I casually asked the kids what they were looking forward to and then dropped in some suggestions of places they could go. Each one shot down in flames "I don't like clowns. I don't like the cinema. I don't like farms. I don't like rides.". Oh well.

If this happened to me, I would just go somewhere else and not be at home when they arrived, they treat you like rubbish, I think you should get your own back.
You are trying to be nice to them, and it seems as though everything gets thrown back in your face - with sarcasm added as well.
I would just go away, and leave them to fend for themselves, but then I almost get the impression that you somehow "glory" in this treatment they dish out to you.
You are the only person who can help yourself. There is absolutely no need for you to go through with this.

adouglasmhor

TBH I would be making an anonymous call to imigration/border services about the hubby's drug and violence convictions. Then they would have a quick trip back home and no holiday and you would get peace.

Lucy_Lastic

OP - are you surviving?

Takeaway_Addict

Lucy_Lastic wrote: »

OP - are you surviving?

Bump......

~Chameleon~

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Bump......

Eh??


......................

aileth

Lucy_Lastic wrote: »

OP - are you surviving?

Let's home little madam didn't push the OP down the stairs after she refused to give her free ice cream....