Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

neverdespairgirl

early20s wrote: »

!!!!!!, I know, all I'm asking is for love and sympathy

A baby demands instant satisfaction of its needs and wants.

A grown man should realise that everyone has his own needs and wants, and that he cannot expect everyone else to drop everything and tend immediately to him.

When my son was a newborn baby, I would feed him immediately when he needed it, even if it wasn't that convenient. If he wanted cuddles at 4am, I'd cuddle him.

My son's now 8 years old, so if I'm in the middle of something, and he wants a drink, he can either wait 5 minutes or get it himself.

System

thorsoak wrote: »

And what do people in Real Life think? I have four adult children and no mother wishes to see her child depressed and locked in their room - but what you want is control - control of your mother when you cannot control yourself!

Put yourself in control of your own life, not your mother's.

yes I want her to change/control what she does, but only so it helps my serious problem.

If she didn't want to see me locked in my room then when she does not make simple changes? She doesn't love me, I think from now on, I'm just going to tell her that I know she doesn't love me and not speak to her see if that helps her realise

duchy

I love the way the posts ignore the 20 odd years spent raising him ....No mention of a Dad either so perhaps she did it single handed. I'd be very careful what you wish for .....You might flounce ...erm I mean move out, break all ties and then discover you mum took you at your word.

System

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

A baby demands instant satisfaction of its needs and wants.

A grown man should realise that everyone has his own needs and wants, and that he cannot expect everyone else to drop everything and tend immediately to him.

When my son was a newborn baby, I would feed him immediately when he needed it, even if it wasn't that convenient. If he wanted cuddles at 4am, I'd cuddle him.

My son's now 8 years old, so if I'm in the middle of something, and he wants a drink, he can either wait 5 minutes or get it himself.

your son doesn't have a serious mental problem though that makes his heart beat jump so fast and feels like hes having a panic attack

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

!!!!!!, I know, all I'm asking is for love and sympathy

Have you ever been hospitalised because of your "allergies/phobias"? No? Then think about what you are doing/saying about your mother. You are trying to guilt trip her into doing exactly what you want - can't you see that what you are asking for is control?

The fact that you are still living in HER house surely shows that she still loves you - and frankly, my dear, sympathy is the last thing you need. You need a large lump of tough love - which is what your mother is trying to give you.

By the way - if modern technology is so dangerous - how are you communicating with us? Smoke signals? (very carcinogenic!)

balletshoes

early20s wrote: »

yes I want her to change/control what she does, but only so it helps my serious problem.

If she didn't want to see me locked in my room then when she does not make simple changes?
She doesn't love me, I think from now on, I'm just going to tell her that I know she doesn't love me and not speak to her see if that helps her realise

:rotfl::rotfl: sorry, couldn't resist - yep, there you go, thats a plan, see how that works out for you :rotfl:.

jacques_chirac

early20s wrote: »

yes I want her to change/control what she does, but only so it helps my serious problem.

If she didn't want to see me locked in my room then when she does not make simple changes? She doesn't love me, I think from now on, I'm just going to tell her that I know she doesn't love me and not speak to her see if that helps her realise

She doesn't need to realise anything - I expect she already knows you are acting like a brat.

If you do move out, at your age the best you are going to get is a shared house. Are you going to act like this with your housemates?

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

yes I want her to change/control what she does, but only so it helps my serious problem.

If she didn't want to see me locked in my room then when she does not make simple changes? She doesn't love me, I think from now on, I'm just going to tell her that I know she doesn't love me and not speak to her see if that helps her realise

Oh well - if you know that she doesn't love you - why are you still living in HER house? You obviously don't love her!

lika_86

I had something vaguely similar in that I suffer from really bad hayfever, before I moved into my own place after university (lived away from home at university but went home every summer), I struggled with the difference between how I wanted to live (all doors and windows shut) and how everyone else wanted to live (windows open for breeze etc). In the end it was about compromising, I couldn't make everyone boil to death because I suffered so the compromise was that my door and window would remain shut so my room was a pollen-free environment and other things were done just for me, ie, my bedding etc were dried indoors.

Explain without getting emotional, how it affects you and try and reach a compromise, eg. your room is your own and should be how you want it as your haven, you stock up on natural cleaning products and your mum uses them, your mum can use body spray etc but limit their use to her bedroom (there's no real reason why they have to be applied in a shared bathroom as opposed to her room).

You're two adults living together, there has to be some give and take, otherwise you'll have to move out if you really need to control your environment to the extent that you're suggesting in order to be happy.

Gigglepig

The problem is in your head, it is you who needs to change not her.
Please go get some help.