Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

Person_one

early20s wrote: »

I have a huge fear of them so its just the same

No its not, phobias and allergies are completely different things, that's one of the reasons why they have different names.

You're actually lucky, plenty of people recover from phobias and usually they don't come to any harm but an allergy is for life and can, you know, kill you.

Stick with your therapy. It is you who is out of step with what's normal, and you that needs to change to stand any chance of functioning in the world as it is and living alongside other people.

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

I have a serious fear of invasive chemical smells eg aftershave, deodorants, fake tan, when in near them, my heart beat will triple in speed, start sweating etc. I'm seeing a phschologist about it but shes not helping that much, I'm kind of stuck on the fact that these things aren't natural and why I am being forced to think they are normal for human life.

I'm on the edge now, have thought about suicide and running away - combined with work stress, I feel close to the edge sometimes.

the problem is, the only safe place is the home. But my Mum, she has given up perfume, but she still uses body sprays, spray deodorant and fake tan. For example if she sprays deodorant, I have to air seal shut my door, and wait for the deodorant smell to go away (usually around an hour). Also I have to keep the windows open 24 7. She also uses lots of chemical smelling cleaning products, eg if she cleans the kitchen, I can't go in there for at least an hour, or else I freak out. I've begged her to stop using them but shes not, and if I moan, she tells me to pack my bags. It brings me to tears that she isn't helping me and its like if I had a broken leg, she'd stand on it. I don't think she loves me.

You need to talk more to you psychologist - and learn some more coping strategies.

I'm going to turn your argument on its head - if you loved your mum, you wouldn't be asking her to change everything in her life. You have to keep the windows open 24/7 - even in the winter?

You say you cannot have an adult conversation with her - how can she have an adult conversation with someone who retreats into a sealed room and bursts into tears? That's not particularly adult, is it?

You say that you are at work - well that's really good - and you obviously cope with the synthetics there - so I would strongly urge you to look into moving out into your own room in a shared house where you can use your own natural cleaning materials etc.

You really are not being fair to your mum -nor to yourself. Accept the fact that you need help, and ask for it!

balletshoes

I'm out - holiday troll alert .

southoftheriver

This person doesn't want to engage in reasonable debate or listen to advice. In the words of dragons den, i'm out.

peachyprice

early20s wrote: »

I have a huge fear of them so its just the same

It really isn't.

TBH, you really don't sound like you want to deal with your phobia, you sound like you're using it a reason to seek attention.

Most people with such a debilitating phobia would want help to be able to live a normal life, not expect those around them to change their own normal behaviour.

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

Also, I question if I have a mental illness or not. These smells were created by companies solely to make money. They stink, were never meant to be inhaled. I wish I lived 1000 years ago.

You would not have survived.

System

Lagoon wrote: »

No it isn't. Coming into contact with these smells won't cause you any pain, illness or damage.

I disagree, deodorant is butane which is a nasty gas. also why are cancer rates so high, all these perfumes and chemical cosmetics. I hate the invasive, chemical smells, honestly, I feel like I'm going to explode

Person_one

balletshoes wrote: »

I'm out - holiday troll alert .

The 'Newbie' banner does make one a bit suspicious. I worry that I'm too distrusting of all newbies though! There are all sorts of weird phobias out there.

meritaten

early20s wrote: »

Also, I question if I have a mental illness or not. These smells were created by companies solely to make money. They stink, were never meant to be inhaled. I wish I lived 1000 years ago.

I sympathise - I couldn't stand the very strong perfumes from the 1980s - 1990s. dislike turned to a real allergy - I have had some bad asthma attacks from proximity to these perfumes, and even now find some perfumes cause me to have an attack (especially that sodding awful linx!).

I too think you need to move out - It isn't your mum doesn't love you - but she doesn't really realise just how this is affecting you.
I rarely buy a proprietary cleaning product - there is no need, vinegar, bicarb and good old fashioned soap can clean most things -and for the rest - a magic sponge doesn't give off toxic fumes.
come down to old style for tips on using them.

barbarawright

For the umpteenth time, why don't you do the cleaning?