Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

balletshoes

early20s wrote: »

She could use roll on deodorant, use lemon juice to clean the kitchen, the fake tan is so strong. Shes just done and I was desperate to brush my teeth and have an early bed but now I'll have to wait around 2 hours.

I said couldn't you have told me your were doing your fake tan, and she started shouting at me telling me to shut up and "don't start". so I just went to my room and start crying. Shes not a chav that sounds like I've made out, shes smart etc but can't have an adult conversationg sometimes.

To be honest, I really don't think she loves me anymore. It feels so depressing and I don't have anyone else really. If I had a child, I would make 3 or 4 simple sacrifices to ensure they could cope.

this has nothing to do with the love you have for her, or the love she has for you.

This is her home, and she probably feels that in her home, if she wants to fake tan, she'll fake tan, and she shouldn't have to run it by you first. What would you have said if she said, say half an hour beforehand, "I'll be getting the fake tan out later"? Would it have made any difference to you?

I don't like roll-on deodorant personally, I'll use it if I absolutely have to, but I prefer spray.

If you want an early night, can't your brush your teeth at a sink where your mum hasn't been with her fake tan, like the kitchen sink?

System

jacques_chirac wrote: »

You have a mental illness, and whilst people around you can be sympathetic, they should not have to adapt their lifestyles to facilitate your irrational fears.

I appreciate that sounds harsh, but as someone with a MH condition I have come to understand that others pandering to you will not help you move forward. Stick with the therapy, it can be a long process but will be worth it in the end.

but living the way I am is making me so depressed and I can't cope anymore. I just need her to change 3 or 4 things. Honestly I can't cope right now

Racheldevon

Firstly I think it's good you're seeing a psychologist, i'm not sure how far you are into the process, but i'm wondering if it's still quite early days? I wonder how it might feel if you were to be really honest with her at your next session and to bring into the session that you don't feel she's helping you that much? I'm not sure what you might lose by doing this, other than by being really authentic with him/her you they might change their approach or it might open the gates for the focus to shift in a way that is helpful to you.

If you haven't already, then I think you need to also make your psychologist aware of your suicidal thoughts as it's important you have in place strategies and support should you feel this way again.

zaksmum

Got to say I sympathise with your mum here.

It's ridiculous to say that if you had a broken leg she'd stand on it, for heaven's sake!

Lagoon

early20s wrote: »

its very very hard to get over it - almost impossible. Because I live in the house too. Like I feel trapped in my room sometimes - can't go out because smells there.
She doesn't know that the real reason I quit uni was because it would mean having to go into the bathroom in the morning when it was filled with deodorant spray (I would have to go in after her because of the start times, her work compared to my uni).

I honestly beg her to stop but she is stubborn and doesn't seem to care.

I know it's hard to get over it, but it's not going to happen when you lock yourself away.

She's not being stubborn, just sensible about the issue. The world can't change for you.

You either learn to adapt, or you go and lock yourself away in a house of your own.

Tigsteroonie

early20s wrote: »

so I just went to my room and start crying.

How old are you?????

early20s wrote: »

If I had a child, I would make 3 or 4 simple sacrifices to ensure they could cope.

Seriously, if you're 'early 20s' as your name suggests, then she's already made one heck of a lot of sacrifices for you when she brought you up. Now it's time for you to be an adult and start standing on your own two feet.

peachyprice

early20s wrote: »

I honestly beg her to stop but she is stubborn and doesn't seem to care.

Doesn't care or doesn't want your mental health issues rule her life too?

jacques_chirac

early20s wrote: »

but living the way I am is making me so depressed and I can't cope anymore. I just need her to change 3 or 4 things. Honestly I can't cope right now

Your phobia is making you depressed, not her behaviour.

Why is it her that needs to make changes?

Have you tried to rationalise your fears? What harm will come to you if you come into contact with these items, and what evidence do you have to support your viewpoint?

System

peachyprice wrote: »

Doesn't care or doesn't want your mental health issues rule her life too?

All I want is some cooperation. If I ever have children, my god I would help them the best I can, even if means changing from a spray deodorant to roll on, is it really a big issue.

Is it right that I have to air seal my door for hours and I can't go out unless I start freaking out. Quite often she'll say to me "just go your room"

peachyprice

early20s wrote: »

but living the way I am is making me so depressed and I can't cope anymore. I just need her to change 3 or 4 things. Honestly I can't cope right now

So she changes 3 or 4 things, you stop your therapy because you're more comfortable at home, then you find another 3 or 4 things that trouble you and expect her to stop that 3 or 4 things and so on. Where will it all end?