Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

Racheldevon

I think the issues you've raised you need to take back to your psychologist - the specialist that is trained to a very good level in this country, to support you with your specific, assessed psychological issues. You are not going to get that from an internet forum in which none of us know enough about the specific background, factors etc. your psychologist will have a formulation they're working towards based on their particular therapeutic specialism, and your needs, and although you've come on here for guidance, I think that some of the questions may raise further anxieties/issues for you. If you are genuinely at a point where you feel suicidal i'm sure your psychologist has discussed out of hours emergency support in your initial session/s, if not i'd contact your out of hours GP service/present in A&E/contact the Samaritans for listening services. Good luck

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

so by stopping his panic attacks, it wouldn't be helping him?

It wouldn't be helping the overall problem, but it would at least not make your son's life hell

There is only one person who can stop/control panic attacks - and that is the owner of the panic attacks. The answer lies within you - if your mother were to pander to your fears, you would grow more fears, more panic attacks. You've been told by a genuine panic attack sufferer how s/he handles it - listen.

System

Bangton wrote: »

I know it's not quite the same but it's all linked in my opinion. I urge you..really urge you to get some more counselling. I know your angry with your mum but you have to appreciate your fears aren't HERS. Your mum loves you just as my partner loves me but why should anyone stop their behaviour for something that really isn't normal and it isn't mate..chemicals are everywhere unfortunately

thanks good to know there someone on the forum that not a stubborn ("its her home, her rules") type.

to be honest, I have had enough, I have accepted she doesn't love me and it makes a lump in my throat as I type, very weird sinking feeling. I'm just not going to talk to her now after I tell her I know she doesn't love me and I will never support her if she needs it

jacques_chirac

early20s wrote: »

thanks good to know there someone on the forum that not a stubborn ("its her home, her rules") type.

to be honest, I have had enough, I have accepted she doesn't love me and it makes a lump in my throat as I type, very weird sinking feeling. I'm just not going to talk to her now after I tell her I know she doesn't love me and I will never support her if she needs it

Do you always blame someone else for your problems?

neverdespairgirl

early20s wrote: »

so by stopping his panic attacks, it wouldn't be helping him?

It wouldn't be helping the overall problem, but it would at least not make your son's life hell

It wouldn't help him, no. Because when my son had to go to uni / work / socialise / get on a bus / stay in a hotel / go to a shop / visit someone's house, all of those places contain chemicals of some sort. So he'd never go anywhere or do anything.

By far, far the best thing is for you to take responsibility for your own difficulties, and attempt to deal with them.

GOing into a 13 year old mode, "she doesn't love me, I'll never talk to her again, and if I can, I'll make her sorry!" would not exactly be a positive move.

jacques_chirac

Troll or no troll, this thread has made me realise how lucky I am to have such amazing parents. They will do anything for me, but they also do a good job of keeping me in line. I have bipolar, so my moods vary from severe depression to manic highs. In my lows they give me continual gentle nudges to encourage me to wash, eat, get dressed. They give me a purpose when I feel I have none. In my high periods they give me sanctuary so I can try to come down. Then when I am feeling more rational, they support me in dealing with the after effects (excessive spending/ booking holidays I cannot afford etc).

Tomorrow, I shall bake them a batch of my super duper low fat cookies to say thank you

OP, when did you last do something to say thank you to your mum?

thorsoak

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Troll or no troll, this thread has made me realise how lucky I am to have such amazing parents. They will do anything for me, but they also do a good job of keeping me in line. I have bipolar, so my moods vary from severe depression to manic highs. In my lows they give me continual gentle nudges to encourage me to wash, eat, get dressed. They give me a purpose when I feel I have none. In my high periods they give me sanctuary so I can try to come down. Then when I am feeling more rational, they support me in dealing with the after effects (excessive spending/ booking holidays I cannot afford etc).

Tomorrow, I shall bake them a batch of my super duper low fat cookies to say thank you

OP, when did you last do something to say thank you to your mum?

Jaques - what a wonderful post! x

Janey3

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Troll or no troll, this thread has made me realise how lucky I am to have such amazing parents. They will do anything for me, but they also do a good job of keeping me in line. I have bipolar, so my moods vary from severe depression to manic highs. In my lows they give me continual gentle nudges to encourage me to wash, eat, get dressed. They give me a purpose when I feel I have none. In my high periods they give me sanctuary so I can try to come down. Then when I am feeling more rational, they support me in dealing with the after effects (excessive spending/ booking holidays I cannot afford etc).

Tomorrow, I shall bake them a batch of my super duper low fat cookies to say thank you

OP, when did you last do something to say thank you to your mum?

Yes, a great post.

OP, how do you cope with your phobia when you are out and about presumably looking for some sort of work?

Rev

early20s wrote: »

but living the way I am is making me so depressed and I can't cope anymore. I just need her to change 3 or 4 things. Honestly I can't cope right now

But it's not 3-4 changes is it. You want to her stop using hygiene products. Personal care products and cleaning products.

Have you tried showing her alternatives? Tell her you'll do the cleaning from now on. Than the cleaning product issue is sorted.

Save and pay for her to get a spray tan. Then there's no smells in your house.

As for deodorant. I'd not give it up for anyone. And I can't stand roll on. So you're asking her to do things she doesn't feel comfortable with to make you more comfortable. She probably thinks you're being just as unreasonable as you think she's being.

I was my mums carer from the age of 6. I made a hell of a lot of sacrifices for her. No collage. No uni etc, but she was my mum and I wish she was here now for me to continue taking care of her. In return she loved and supported me I suffer from depression and anxiety. She helped as much as she could but refused to baby me or pander to me.

Whilst I sympathise with your predicament you don't seem to want to help yourself. Why not carry around a tissue and some olbas/primrose/pine oil, or whatever oil you like the smell of. So when smells get too much cover your nose with that.

You seem under the impression that the world and people will/should change for you. Sadly that will never happen.

Good luck with your therapy. I hope it helps.

barbarawright

Read this story, OP. This is what happens when your mum doesn't love you. Your mum is still supporting you, providing for you, cleaning for you and looking after you. This is what you seem to think she is like

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-23224826


Do you love your mother?