Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

swingaloo

I don't know about wishing you had been born 1000 years ago!

Its more a pity you weren't born 30 years ago when mummy could have given you a slap and told you grow up.

My mummy doesn't love me!!!!! You are an adult for gods sake not a 3 year old.

paulineb_2

Deodorant smell doesnt take an hour to go away, its more like 5 minutes, unless someone is spraying the entire can on themselves.

The modern world is full of chemicals, but seriously there are alternatives to bleach, you can buy some cleaning products that have no bleach in them, if something bothered me that much Id be buying gentler versions

If it was such a problem why not move away and do your degree away from home.

But then youd be surrounded by students wearing perfume, aftershave, deodorant.

You cant have a safe place if the rest of the world isnt safe according to the world you live in.

I had an allergic reaction to some chemical that was on a bus seat cover, Im assuming the bus was so new that the seats had been treated by some chemical, I had to get off the bus, the reaction was that bad.

And it never happened to me before or since. Unless you are willing to live your life in a bubble, you arent going to be safe anywhere.

These chemicals wont cause you harm and there are treatments available that will help you get over this

I wonder what the impact is on your mums life, living with someone with a severe phobia? I would imagine she gets stressed out sometimes.

Gloomendoom

paulineb wrote: »

The modern world is full of chemicals,

So was the ancient world. The world, the Universe and everything in it is made of chemicals.

BTW I can't be alone in thinking that the OP lives under a bridge.

MarilynMonroe_2

If I was the op I'd avoid this forum for real problems.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

This thread is hilarious. Good work, OP. When you're bored this forums is always good for entertainment. Killing yourself because of perfume. Hilarious. Kicking your mum out of her own home, good one.

ailuro2

maybe the feeling of being unloved is made worse by being hung up on these chemical smells. You might have a very sensitive nose too. Try wearing a face mask to get around it until the therapy is helping a bit more. Maybe if your Mum sees you're trying to compromise and work on it she'll be more approachable. She sounds like she's very frustrated at not being able to fix it for you like we parents can when our kids are younger.

LannieDuck

I can understand not being able to cope with strong smells. I can't go into Lush or use incense for example. It must be pretty overwhelming to have a stronger reaction to scents.

Having said that, you're coming across as very immature. Of course your Mum loves you. Do you pay rent, or does she provide a roof over your head? Do you pay for the food you eat and cook your evening meals, or does she buy the food and cook for you? Does she do your laundry along with her own? How on earth did you manage to raise yourself from childhood with no help from her... or did she have some part to play in that?

And now you're accusing her of not loving you because she won't do 2 or 3 very specific things for you. Don't be so silly.

If you were my child, I would try to help in whichever ways I could, including switching to roll-on deodrants and not using fake tan. BUT I would expect you to try and help yourself too.
* You don't want me to use cleaning products? That's fine, but I'll expect you to take on a greater share of the domestic chores so you can do it your way.
* You don't want to use the bathroom after me? That's fine, but you'll have to fit around me and not vice versa.

You're expecting her to make all the changes, and you're not willing to make any. I can't believe you gave up your uni course because you didn't want to use the bathroom after your Mum. Just get up and use it before her - you can always go back to bed for an hour. Or keep your toothbrush in your room with a little bottle of water and avoid the bathroom entirely. Or go into uni and use the sinks there.

Stop blaming your Mum for your problems. Maybe she'll help you when you start to help yourself.

(Incidentally, why are you still able to use toothpaste? Isn't that a horrible modern chemically smell?)

Gingernutty

jacques_chirac wrote: »

You have a mental illness, and whilst people around you can be sympathetic, they should not have to adapt their lifestyles to facilitate your irrational fears.

I appreciate that sounds harsh, but as someone with a MH condition I have come to understand that others pandering to you will not help you move forward. Stick with the therapy, it can be a long process but will be worth it in the end.

early20s wrote: »

its very very hard to get over it - almost impossible. Because I live in the house too. Like I feel trapped in my room sometimes - can't go out because smells there.
She doesn't know that the real reason I quit uni was because it would mean having to go into the bathroom in the morning when it was filled with deodorant spray (I would have to go in after her because of the start times, her work compared to my uni).

I honestly beg her to stop but she is stubborn and doesn't seem to care.

You're the one with the mental illness, it's you that has to change.

Why should she adapt, when it's her home and her life being affected by you?

It doesn't sound like you're doing a lot about your illness and you expect everyone around you to yield to you.

That's not going to happen.

You have to accept that you're being irrational, you're letting you're illness ruin your life (and your mother's) and you're the one who has to get your backside into gear before you end up like one of those weird recluses that we read about after they've died and been found in a bizarre home set up.

Gingernutty

early20s wrote: »

If I ever become a millionaire

That's never going to happen if you're keep shutting yourself in your room and crying.

early20s wrote: »

....or my Mum needs help, I'm going to just remember her of how she made me feel. That is one day I hope can happen, I know its bad taste, but I hope it makes her realise how she made me feel

If I move out, I can see it ending the relationship for good

I doubt she'll regret it.

What I don't understand is how you're able to work - it's a world thick with pollution out there. How do you get out of the house?

Hermia

Gingernutty wrote: »

What I don't understand is how you're able to work - it's a world thick with pollution out there. How do you get out of the house?

And can you imagine telling company cleaners that they have to clean a huge office block using lemon juice and bicarb! I think you'd end up with a mop shoved up your jacksy.

Whilst I suspect you are a troll just in case you are not can I suggest getting a better therapist. My friend has severe agoraphobia and didn't go out for years. She was seeing this airy-fairy psychotherapist and spent hundreds of hours talking to her, but she never got better. Then she got this tough love-style CBT therapist. During the first session she told her they would go and stand just outside the front door and within six months my friend was walking to the shops on her own.