Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

Calien27

OP at some point part of your therapy will be exposure to the things that you fear. You can't avoid them for the rest of your life, no matter how much you want to.

Your mum loves you, but she quite rightly shouldn't have to change everything to suit your phobia. She gets rid of these few things, you'll find more things that want changing.

Your mum has raised you, and like all parents she would want you to have a life of your own now your are older and don't need babying.

If you want things cleaned with natural stuff, then you clean it, if you don't want to use the bathroom full of various smells, use it before her. You want her to change but don't seem willing to meet half way. Having this phobia doesn't mean you can have it all your way, you need to compromise.

System

it doesn't matter, I am ignoring my Mum, i honestly think this is the end of our relationship, if she loves me she would change and not be so horrible and nasty

LittleMissAspie

I'm very sensitive to the smell of fish, it makes me feel physically sick. One time my mum cooked that really smelly one and the smell ended up in my bedroom, I had to leave the house to breathe. All the doors in the house were open, except my bedroom door, so that's how the smell spread. I complained that she hadn't shut the doors and can't she shut the doors if she's cooking fish so that it doesn't reach my bedroom, and she got all funny with me and refused to shut the doors. I've thought about it a lot and I still can't see what's unreasonable about shutting the doors before cooking. I'm not sure which was more upsetting, feeling sick or my mum not caring that I felt sick.

But I think the OP is a troll.

Georgiegirl256

early20s wrote: »

it doesn't matter, I am ignoring my Mum, i honestly think this is the end of our relationship, if she loves me she would change and not be so horrible and nasty

You're like a broken record....

LouLou

Re the troll comment, I hope not, but...

I suspect your mum has done TOO good a job protecting you as you've grown up, as you remind me very much of a woman I knew, who, even as an adult, had a mother who mollycoddled her so much it stifled her. (For example, even as a twenty-something, her mother would still phone incessantly when she was out, asking when she'd be back, who she was with)...Even though she was embarrassed and hated her mum's smothering, she was very insecure and couldn't make an independent life for herself. She still lives with her mum now, in her 40s.

As you become an adult, you still expect this concentrated attention and are over-reliant on your mother for protection and care. You are obviously very sensitive, or you wouldn't have this phobia, and maybe your mum saw this from an early age too, and gave you extra attention.

But that's just a guess.

I think you are lucky, in some ways. My mother could not cope with me and my phobias (I grew up in quite an abusive household). My sister and I were told "You're out of here when you're 16". I was not bought clothes for most of my teen years and had to make do myself. My stepbrother was born during those years and he got took on holidays, spoiled, whereas we were ignored. There was violence and emotional abuse.

Now, I'm not saying "poor me" as I've had many years to deal with it and make peace with it. What I AM saying is, you could have a parent who turfs you out and doesn't give a toss. I think you should count your blessings a bit more.

CH27

early20s wrote: »

it doesn't matter, I am ignoring my Mum, i honestly think this is the end of our relationship, if she loves me she would change and not be so horrible and nasty

And just how will that help matters?

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

it doesn't matter, I am ignoring my Mum, i honestly think this is the end of our relationship, if she loves me she would change and not be so horrible and nasty

If you loved your mother, you would change and not be so horrible and nasty! But throughout this thread it is increasingly obvious that (1) you do not love your poor mother and (2) you have absolutely no respect for her as a person.

Move out and start respecting yourself.

DomRavioli

OP, you need to get one thing straight. You are doing this to yourself, not your mother, or anyone else you try to deflect onto - and before you go all bonkers, I have severe phobias myself and facing them DOES HELP.

Get out of the house, and put yourself into situations that you have issues dealing with - it is the only proven way to gain tolerance to these things. How do you expect to work when you are incapable of straying from your room?

I think both your mother, and your psychologist need to be exposed to the severity of what you are doing to yourself, and that your mum should carry on with her life - she is refusing to enable you, and good on her. If you cannot tolerate things, then either move out, or face your issues. If you don't change anything, how will anything change?

balletshoes

early20s wrote: »

I'm her son, she brought me into the world. What kind of people say "when youre 18, thats when you move out". Do you not have a heart, family values, family love...If I have children, they would have a home FOR LIFE if they needed it

are you 18?

I'm a mum, I believe one of the most important jobs a parent has is to prepare their children fully to lead independent, fulfilling, happy lives of their own.

Calien27

You're going to act like a child having a strop and ignore your mum but I bet you won't be looking to move out.

She is absolutely right not to let you dictate to her when you are clearly not willing to do anything to remedy the situation.

You want a wife and family of your own, how on earth do you think you're going to cope with all that entails if you don't try and step out of the little safety bubble you've created. Women going on dates typically like to look and smell nice, using perfumes to do so, how are you going to deal with that?

EDIT;

Having a home for life means, if they fall on hard times they have a place to go until they can get back on their feet, it doesn't mean stay there for the rest of your life in a sealed room. Parents raise their kids to prepare them for moving out, working and starting their own family, not baby you forever.