Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

Lagoon

early20s wrote: »

so if you had a children, you would be fine with them locking themselves in their room, having panic attacks and thinking about suicide... you would not think it would be a good idea to stop using the things they had a fear of until they were "cured" by the psychologist.

And how said it is that I have to say cured. Because these smells were created by man to make money. It is the people who use them that need cured

There's your problem. Your psychologist isn't going to 'cure' you. That's your job.

anarchied

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Your mum is carrying on as normal and not letting your illness invade her life. IIMHO, that's the right thing to do. If she does anything else it is letting the illness win and get the upper hand. It's for your welfare in the end.

She loves you, but sometimes love is tough.

This.

My parents are supportive of my battle against my OCD, but they don't let it interfere with their lives as a. that only reinforces my obsessive-compulsive thoughts and b. as horrible as it sounds, it's my problem and not theirs - they're under no obligation to change their lives because of my issues. Of course there's a line in the sand for that but thankfully it hasn't gotten to that point just yet.

System

CH27 wrote: »

How do you get to work?
How do you shop?

I can just manage. If I walk past someone who stinks of perfume, I hold my breath.

If I'm in a queue and the person infront is wearing perfume, then I will just walk out the shop for fresh air.

But I go at quiet times. I drive to work - no problems.


Its at home, because thats the place where I'm supposed to be able to relax and chill out just like anyone else's home, home is home.

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

so if you had a children, you would be fine with them locking themselves in their room, having panic attacks and thinking about suicide... you would not think it would be a good idea to stop using the things they had a fear of until they were "cured" by the psychologist.

And how said it is that I have to say cured. Because these smells were created by man to make money. It is the people who use them that need cured

And do you not think that many of us have got adult children, who have gone through troubled teenage years? Or partners who have panic attacks and suicidal thoughts? You are not alone with your fears.

We have not dealt with these problems by giving in to our troubled teens - a panic attack is dealt with by giving the sufferer a paper bag, telling them to sit down and breath INTO the paper bag.

The smells that you complain of - yes, some of them are dreadful - but YOU can chooose live without them - by taking control of your OWN life and moving out and living on your own. Why should your mother change her life for you? What have you done for her? She has brought you up and supported you until now (no father on the scene?) and now, because you don't like the way she does things you are insisting that she changes?

That is disrespect. You certainly don't love her - so start taking the steps necessary to live an independant life.

System

thorsoak wrote: »

Why should your mother change her life for you? What have you done for her? She has brought you up and supported you until now (no father on the scene?) and now, because you don't like the way she does things you are insisting that she changes?

That is disrespect. You certainly don't love her - so start taking the steps necessary to live an independant life.

you are a utter moron and a robot with no heart. If she loves me she would help me

It not that I don't like things she does, I cannot cope with them.

jellyhead

I have made a few suggestions in this thread, but they've been ignored. It's like having another certain poster back amongst us

CH27

early20s wrote: »

I can just manage. If I walk past someone who stinks of perfume, I hold my breath.

If I'm in a queue and the person infront is wearing perfume, then I will just walk out the shop for fresh air.

But I go at quiet times. I drive to work - no problems.


Its at home, because thats the place where I'm supposed to be able to relax and chill out just like anyone else's home, home is home.

Well you need to move out & create your own sterile environment.

Driving exposes you to all sorts of chemicals & smells.
Seems you pick & choose what you have an issue with & are trying to domineer & control your poor Mum.

poet123

You are an adult with a job, if you cannot accept that your mum does certain things then you have the ability to extricate yourself from that situation by moving out. Why is it you think she should change rather than you solve your immediate problem yourself?

If you have your own home then you can use or not use whatever products you desire, have your own house rules. If you live with someone, anyone, then you have to compromise.

Parents are people too.

You have to be the one who makes the efforts to minimise the effects on you of chemicals by getting up early and using the bathroom first etc, it is not for others to make those efforts.

LouLou

early20s wrote: »

you are a utter moron and a robot with no heart. If she loves me she would help me

It not that I don't like things she does, I cannot cope with them.

Going by the assumption, that if you love someone, you help them, surely you have a responsibility and a role in this, towards your mother.

"If you loved your mother, you would....?" (finish sentence as applicable).

It takes two to make a relationship, of any sort. I can understand how bitter carrying a mental illness can make you (it can be exhausting, it can bring up feelings of jealousy, frustration, anger; especially when you think others are coping and having happy lives). BUT I feel throwing out insults to others is pointless, and doesn't encourage people to help you.

Even in therapy they will sometimes tell you things you don't want to hear!

I will say though, at my worst, even interacting with other people filled me with such irrational fear I could hardly handle people looking at me (very self conscious, and something I still struggle with). Driving would be completely out of the question for me as I'd be panicking at random times, over and over.

You are coping better than some by having a job, so well done for carrying on with your life as best you can.

thorsoak

early20s wrote: »

you are a utter moron and a robot with no heart. If she loves me she would help me

It not that I don't like things she does, I cannot cope with them.

Thank you for your vote of confidence! I'm not the moron or robot with no heart. IF YOU LOVED HER YOU WOULDN'T WANT HER TO CHANGE.

You do not have to cope with the things that she does - it really is time for you to move out. That is how you should deal with them.

By the way - you do realise that the scents in your car are toxic?????