Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

seven-day-weekend

early20s wrote: »

To be honest I'm kind of even more depressed most people have went on my Mum's side. If they had children, they would be happy to see their children lock themselves in their room for hours? and be depressed most of the time?

If you were my son I would want you to recover from your phobia and would do all I could to help. But pandering to it is NOT going to help. Tough love, as I said before.

seven-day-weekend

early20s wrote: »

yes I want her to change/control what she does, but only so it helps my serious problem.

If she didn't want to see me locked in my room then when she does not make simple changes? She doesn't love me, I think from now on, I'm just going to tell her that I know she doesn't love me and not speak to her see if that helps her realise

What a really sensible and adult way to behave.:mad:

Calien27

"Tough love" can help sometimes, OP, your mum changing things, whilst it may give temporary relief it won't benefit you in the long run!

Way back when I was in my early teens, I would not go out, I was afraid like you are of these things. One hot summer I wanted ice-cream, I asked my parents to get some and was told, the supermarket is a five minute walk, if I want it that much go and get it myself. Took me about 2 hours to finally get the courage to go and it was scary, but it helped, after that I would try to go out as much as possible and soon was trundling off into town to go shopping.

If they had pandered to me and not pushed me, I'd probably still be too afraid to go anywhere.

So it does work, but you have to push yourself and work through the fear.

System

My Mom has a phobia of worms. When I was little my Dad would give me them to hold when he was gardening. My Mom would hit the roof but Dad said he wasn't going to have me scared of them like she was. Pity he didn't work on me fear of moths and butterflies too.:(

shegirl

Judi wrote: »

My Mom has a phobia of worms. When I was little my Dad would give me them to hold when he was gardening. My Mom would hit the roof but Dad said he wasn't going to have me scared of them like she was. Pity he didn't work on me fear of moths and butterflies too.:(

An old school friend of mine has a fear of moths and butterflies,I never understood the fear of something so dainty and beautiful.When we were in primary school we went on a trip to a local butterfly farm,she was nervous as hell but managed to admire their beauty from a distance,until she discovered one sat on her shoulder and she ran out of the place screaming and in tears.Don't know if she ever got over her fear,bumped into her a few weeks ago so will have to ask her!

I think my spider phobia came from my 'mother' screaming the house down when she saw one and sent my dad to kill it.

Calien27

My brothers girlfriend has a fear of moths and butterflies, she says it's the way they move about that scares her.

System

to be honest, I do hope some of you get a fear or mental health problem one day just so you realise how tough it is.

I have told my Mum that I don't want to speak to her and told her that I know she doesn't love me. I think this is the beginning of the end between us which makes me really upset but I know its right

Mojisola

early20s wrote: »

to be honest, I do hope some of you get a fear or mental health problem one day just so you realise how tough it is.

I have told my Mum that I don't want to speak to her and told her that I know she doesn't love me. I think this is the beginning of the end between us which makes me really upset but I know its right

If your Mum has any sense (and she's a nice person), her next move will be to tell you to move out in the very near future. Why should she have to live with such a selfish, ungrateful person?

If she's not so nice, she's probably down the supermarket buying every strong smelling spray she can find which will get used liberally around the house.

Gingernutty

Blimmin' Nora! This thread has taken on a life of it's own.

From someone who's had a variety of therapies and knows the jargon......

What you're doing OP is called phobic avoidance. It's a bad thing. Avoiding what you're scared of may seem like the easiest thing to do. It means you don't have to confront your fear, think about it and deal with it.

Short term, it feels like the right thing to do as the relief is immediate.

However, avoiding what you fear, means you could eventually end up an agoraphobic, too scared to leave your home or even room........oh wait.

That's happening already.

In situations where a phobia can cause panic disorders (e.g. social phobia, dentists, flying, agoraphobia etc.) where exposure therapy comes in.

The patient is forced to confront the situation they fear and gradually, over time, the fear response is lessened with greater exposure.

Your mother cares about you, otherwise she'd have kicked you out years ago but she can't give in to your irrational fears. It'll simply make your illness worse.

The next time you go see your therapist, ask about exposure therapy.

You can't carry on like this and expect to drag your mother down with you.

Edit: Let's turn this around.

If you loved your mother, you wouldn't be inflicting your illness on her. You'd be doing your best to get better for her.

System

Mojisola wrote: »

If your Mum has any sense (and she's a nice person), her next move will be to tell you to move out in the very near future. Why should she have to live with such a selfish, ungrateful person?

If she's not so nice, she's probably down the supermarket buying every strong smelling spray she can find which will get used liberally around the house.

I'm her son, she brought me into the world. What kind of people say "when youre 18, thats when you move out". Do you not have a heart, family values, family love...If I have children, they would have a home FOR LIFE if they needed it