Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

jellyhead

manic_jaq wrote: »

I'm bisexual, so I've met a few.

And are they all feminine? Or even half of them?

I probably don't know more than a dozen gay men, but less than half of them are feminine. They're individual people, not stereotypes.

giantmutantbroccoli

Wow, I thought some of the replies were way too harsh but I think the last thing the OP needs on this thread is some troll stirring everything up. If you're trying to help, stop it - you're not helping. If you're not trying to help why not start your own thread on DT and troll there?

To the OP - Yes, your mother loves you. But like many people she probably does not have a great understanding of mental illness. Even if she does, like everybody here she doesn't know the ins and outs of your state of mind. I've struggled with depression and anxiety problems myself, but that doesn't mean I have some kind of unique insight into the mental health problems of other people, even other people with depression and anxiety. We're all different, especially mentally!
Moving out doesn't sound like a good option, especially as you don't sound certain you'd be able to cope with the day to day problems of looking after yourself in your own place. Therapy to help you learn to deal with and hopefully get rid of your phobias is your best option. Go to your GP and start from there. There are myriad different therapies you can try which a professional can advise you on, from talking therapies to online cognitive behaviour training. If you get your depression treated with therapy and/or medication you might find your phobias are easier to deal with. At the very least you'd be in a stronger position mentally to deal with the fallout of having your phobia triggered.

Depression, for me, coloured everything anybody said to me. I did burst into tears when someone told me it was my responsibility to get treatment, because what I heard (or what my depression translated that into) was "it's your fault you're depressed". If that's what you're hearing, try to remember that's not what people are saying!
If you have a physical injury, you're the one responsible for getting the physiotherapy you need. You're the one who has to remember to bring a crutch with you so you get around. That doesn't make it your fault you got injured, and it is unfair - but it's still something you'll have to deal with yourself.

Calien27

Judi wrote: »

I think we all need a group hug. :grouphug:






ok i'll get my coat

That smilie really doesn't look like hugging, does it? *ahem* :rotfl::D

geoffky

Can this thread be locked?

megan01

OP I really do sympathise with you, a lot of people on here are being rude, but it is nice seeing some people being nice to you too.

Time after time on here I see so many women 'resolve' problems with "you're an adult go stand on your own two feet", a lot seem to like the idea of absolving the caring role of a mother the second their child turns 18, making them turn into a lodger the second they get a job or booting them out. Well I'm sorry but you brought this child into the world, yes they are an adult, yes they are responsible for themselves, but it doesn't stop you from caring about them and helping them navigate through life with a caring nature and giving advice and tips.

OP as someone who also has mental health problems, I suggest what you should do is sit down and write down specifically how your therapist isn't helping you. Is it the method of therapy CBT? Talking therapy? Or do they seem like they don't understand where you are coming from etc? Write these things down and take them with you to your next session so that you can plan what to say clearly in your mind. Another good thing I do is try and put myself in the situation and think how I would've thought before it all started. When you have a good clear memory to go on that you know definitely happened can help you ground yourself into something positive.

Another thing I suggest is to start thinking of a very gradual way you could progress yourself into a normal situation. So first off you could start with all natural everything (with your mums agreement and show her the plan so she doesn't think it's permanent) so natural ingredients (deodorant, cleaning, fake tan etc) then roll on deodorant, then eventually onto sprays and stuff. I don't like sprays and things, it affects my asthma so I use roll ons and stuff. When I come into a situation where I don't want to do something (for me I get panicky travelling) I have to do breathing exercises but most importantly remind myself that this isn't permanent, it's not going to be happening forever, and it's a means to and end, like getting a train somewhere I remind myself of the time, and where I am and things, you could even get your therapist to do some exercises with you, spraying something in a room together. I managed to get on a train with the help of my therapist and its helped me a great deal.

Wish you all the best

Calien27

Doesn't the OP have to request a lock? Or can it be done without the OP asking?

System

anyone can ask for a thread to be locked.

Lagoon

carefullycautious wrote: »

How can you categorically say the above. Do you have evidence.

I absolutely hate strong smelling chemicals no matter where they are from. They make my eyes water and make me sneeze constantly also making me have headaches and feel sick. So I have some empathy with the op

In fact I tried some impulse on in a shop a few days ago and came out in the most horrid red rash where I had sprayed it on my skin.

Nobody will convince me that all these chemicals are ok.

My advice to the op is to move out into your own place whilst having ongoing treatment as sealing the room is somewhat extreme. But I do know how you feel

I would consider than an allergy, though. The OP has just said he has a fear of the smells, not that these products bring him out in a rash and make him have a reaction.

Either way, it doesn't matter as it's now very clear that it's a troll thread.

EmmaBridgewater

Everyone, only people with their individual mental illness can truly understand how it changes their life. I completely understand that it might be hard for us to understand how the OP feels given this exact example but mental illness is an incredibly strong this to battle and I can understand how he may feel his mum is being unreasonable.

On the other hand from the mothers point of view she probably views the actions as irrational and silly because she isn't inside his head and until you've suffered you can never really empathise.

jellyhead

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

If I was the op I'd avoid this forum for real problems.

Me too. There must be better forums out there for personal problems. Even a student forum would have a more sympathetic view of depression or phobia. There are some lovely people on here, but as a discussion forum it can be an upsetting place sometimes if people have real issues.