Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

thorsoak

....and how doesn't early_20s know that his/her mother is posting on this board??????? ....................

balletshoes

thorsoak wrote: »

....and how doesn't early_20s know that his/her mother is posting on this board??????? ....................

maybe because as the OP and manic jaq are one and same, they'd know that their mum can't be online because they've been hogging the internet at home most of the day .

balletshoes

manic_jaq wrote: »

sigh, see picking on societies vulnerable. I hope a member of your family becomes mentally ill, and maybe attempts suicide after being picked on by someone like you.

picking on societies? No. Picking on you? Not really - just throwing another possible suggestion out there.

eleanora_

manic_jaq wrote: »

sigh, see picking on societies vulnerable. I hope a member of your family becomes mentally ill, and maybe attempts suicide after being picked on by someone like you.

What a horrible, vindictive, spiteful thing to say, OP.

eleanora_

manic_jaq wrote: »

I hope someone in your family gets it too.

I hope you know mental illness can be spread through a computer screen.

Wow, you must really be bored.

supersaver2

Goodness me I thought schools had broken up for the summer, the last few pages of posts have reminded me of being in the school playground on lunch duty when I'm a work! Why keep responding?

eleanora_

manic_jaq wrote: »

I am, actually. Had the day off today, so have been amusing myself tormenting strangers on the internet.

I used to think that was fun too when I was your age. Is your long summer holiday getting to you already?

jellyhead

I don't know anything about your previous history or threads. I assume that this one will be deleted if it carries on in the same vein tonight, but anyway, I had an idea.

If you and OP are the same person. If not, this is aimed at early20s.

I know it sounds a bit patronising because you're an adult, but what they do in school when children are worried about something is to draw up a contract that sets out exactly what you're afraid of, and what action you can take, and what other people will do to help. Is that an option with your mum?

It might make you feel less powerless, and that you have some control over your life if there are some ground rules that you and your mum agree to stick to. Maybe you could keep your toothbrush and toothpaste in your room, in a toiletry bag or whatever - that way, if the bathroom smells you could brush your teeth at the kitchen sink.

Perhaps your mum would agree to give you warning of when she's going to do something like fake tan, dyeing hair or whatever (I know the smell lingers, it sets off my asthma so I've had to learn to avoid certain triggers) so you can use the bathroom beforehand, and brush your teeth early if you wish to.

Maybe if you buy some more natural cleaning products your mum would use them, or agree a cleaning schedule with you so that perhaps you are in charge of cleaning certain rooms, so you know that they are done how you prefer them. If she doesn't want to use lemon, bicarb and vinegar perhaps the two of you could compromise on a certain brand. I tried a Tesco brand that's supposed to be more environmentally friendly, but I can't remember he name of it. It worked though, and allegedly had the same cleaning power as ordinary brands. The downside is that it probably cost 4 times the price of just picking up whatever brand is in Poundland.

Aside from using a different sink to brush your teeth I can't think of anything that you could promise though, other than maybe trying to complain less, and spending more time with your mum rather than in your room. If you had cleaning responsibility for the sitting room you could sit and watch TV together. You might get on better then, if you have more time together.

EDIT - oh, never mind!

jenhug

early20s wrote: »

All I want is some cooperation. If I ever have children, my god I would help them the best I can, even if means changing from a spray deodorant to roll on, is it really a big issue.

Is it right that I have to air seal my door for hours and I can't go out unless I start freaking out. Quite often she'll say to me "just go your room"

Ah we have all said we would do things so much differently than our own parents!

What you need to remember (and don't just say "yes but") is that your mum is not just your mum. She was put on the planet to do other things than just serve you, and her feelings are equally important as yours.

Do an internet shop, buy yourself some white vinegar and bicarb and lemon juice, maybe a steam cleaner and YOU do some cleaning. Then your mum won't need to use chemicals.

I do appreciate you have a mental illness, but you just sound really selfish.

seven-day-weekend

early20s wrote: »

I have a serious fear of invasive chemical smells eg aftershave, deodorants, fake tan, when in near them, my heart beat will triple in speed, start sweating etc. I'm seeing a phschologist about it but shes not helping that much, I'm kind of stuck on the fact that these things aren't natural and why I am being forced to think they are normal for human life.

I'm on the edge now, have thought about suicide and running away - combined with work stress, I feel close to the edge sometimes.

the problem is, the only safe place is the home. But my Mum, she has given up perfume, but she still uses body sprays, spray deodorant and fake tan. For example if she sprays deodorant, I have to air seal shut my door, and wait for the deodorant smell to go away (usually around an hour). Also I have to keep the windows open 24 7. She also uses lots of chemical smelling cleaning products, eg if she cleans the kitchen, I can't go in there for at least an hour, or else I freak out. I've begged her to stop using them but shes not, and if I moan, she tells me to pack my bags. It brings me to tears that she isn't helping me and its like if I had a broken leg, she'd stand on it. I don't think she loves me.

Your mum is carrying on as normal and not letting your illness invade her life. IIMHO, that's the right thing to do. If she does anything else it is letting the illness win and get the upper hand. It's for your welfare in the end.

She loves you, but sometimes love is tough.