Does my Mum love me? (not respecting fear of stuff)

thorsoak

I'm still uncertain as to whether the OP was a troll or not - I'm coming down in favour of troll, but nevertheless, the subject brought up was an interesting one which produced a lot of good advice which if in the future someone googled "fear of synthetics" etc could be helpful.

The general concensus of opinion was that the OP could not reasonably expect his mother to eschew all modern cosmetics/cleaning products simply because s/he had an "unreasonable" fear of the scents. However, the OP threw many hissy fits because the advice given was not "oh poor you, what a nasty mummy you have, if she really loved you she would give everything up etc etc etc". S/he was advised that s/he needed to talk to the MH team dealing with him/her, take their advice and that what mum was saying/doing was in fact "tough love". However this was not what the OP wanted to hear.

Sad really ..........

ineed

jacqeus_chirac wrote: »

I feel sorry for the OP. We don't know what sort of place the OP is in right now, she could just be feeling particularly low. Maybe we should go a bit gentler on her.

He certainly is having problems with a serious phobia, but he is also acting irrationally, which I suppose is the very nature of a phobia.

To be clear, all the OP's mother is doing in her own home is using simple things like spray deodorants and fake tan and using normal cleaning products to clean her home. In his opening post he does admit his mother has compromised by giving up perfumes already. The OP isn't allergic to any of these products, just has a phobia which while not physically harmful can be very emotionally stressful. But tbh why should his mother have to walk on egg shells due to someone else's extreme irrational fear?

I'm not unsympathetic to his plight, I know what it is to suffer extreme phobias and OCD. He thinks his mother doesn't love him simply because she practices good hygiene and likes to look and smell nice and no amount of advice to talk, compromise etc seems to be changing his opinion. Or perhaps it's because she snapped at him, which tbh I can understand. If you've ever lived with an extreme phobic you know how insufferable it can be. She's only human, and everyone has a limit even with a family member.

OP, you may have written some of these posts while quite upset, I'm sure you know deep down that your mother does love you. You really need to continue treatment and discuss with your therapist if you're not happy. And maybe cut your mother some slack? If its an extreme phobia to the point you have to lock yourself in your room, do you work? Do you live with her rent free? Does she pays for your keep even though your in your 20s (or at least old enough to have dropped out of uni)? Doesn't that tell you she does love you, that maybe she's trying to understand something she can't, because unless someone suffers the same phobia it's very difficult to understand. She's maybe just as frustrated as you. Have a calm chat about it, maybe look online for written phobia guides for her to read beforehand. I've found they often help people to understand a particular phobia.

balletshoes

manic_jaq wrote: »

I never messaged you :T

you replied to that post (168) immediately after it was posted before 3pm today - why go back now and say you didn't send the pm, when you gave no indication that was the case 5ish hours ago?

thorsoak

Is is really fair, manic_jaq, to highjack another's thread for your own benefit? If you need our help/advice/comfort, start your own!

My advice to everyone on here: put manic_jaq on IGNORE then we do not see his/her posts!

Calien27

Gigglepig wrote: »

Charming. I have reported your post.

So have I.

Thumper7

And so have I.

System

thanks for the few nice replies. I think most of have no heart and are idiots. bye

Gigglepig

early20s wrote: »

thanks for the few nice replies. I think most of have no heart and are idiots. bye

just because the majority posters don't agree with you does not mean that they are nasty or stupid. But if you in any case won't take on board their well meant advice there is no point in posting really. Surely the point of posting on a public forum is to get some different perspectives?

Gigglepig

manic_jaq wrote: »

They are nasty though. Look at the replies. One halfwitt started going on about how great a relationship they had with their mother.

The only abusive poster on this thread is you. Most posters have tried to be helpful, pointing out that OP is loved by his/her mum, can seek help to address these issues and has the power to change, but that he/she can't expect the mother/rest of the world to change.

thorsoak

manic_jaq wrote: »

They are nasty though. Look at the replies. One halfwitt started going on about how great a relationship they had with their mother.

Pot???? Kettle????? There is no-one else insulting other posters and using unacceptable language on this thread ....back under the bridge please!

BTW - if your deleted comment was directed at me - tough !!!!!! Sherlock - been sworn at by far better trolls than you