What's going on in this man's head?

~Chameleon~

glossgal wrote: »

"He also admitted to crying when we did not talk for a week..."

Why has nobody picked up on this? Not only is it a) cobblers but b) pretty sinister and manipulative.

Run run run!!

Oh give the poor guy a break! He probably does have genuine feelings for this girl but is terrified at the prospect of jumping straight from one relationship into another, and who can blame him?

She either accepts this and they continue as they are. Who knows, it may or may not blossom into a relationship. Or, she takes a step back and keeps it on a friends only basis considering they get along so well, with NO added benefits

However, she does need to stop playing games with him though or trying to make him jealous. That will only ever end in disaster!

ostrichnomore_2

Seems straightforward to me. Nothing you need to figure out about what's in his head; he told you. He wants a lighthearted 'thing' with sex and friendship, but not a relationship. Believe what he says, and don't go looking for hidden meanings.

You seem to think that something has to be full on relationship, or otherwise a casual don't-care-about-each-other-at-all sex thing. There's plenty of middle ground you are ignoring. He likes you, he sees you as a friend. That's why he's nice to you. He enjoys having sex with you as well. It's not a 'relationship' though and he's warning you that it isn't going to turn into one.

If you can keep your emotions out of it and enjoy it for what it is, have a nice time. If you can't, then you need to put an end to it, otherwise you'll end up feeling hurt.

liney

There is a saying about not buying the cow if you get the milk for free of course.

It's up to you what is acceptable to you. He has been straight and told you what's on offer, so it's up to you to accept or decline the offer.

If it were me, i'd be offering friendship only, and seeing how that went once bedroom antics are off the menu. The way I see it is, if he gets everything he wants on a casual basis why would he want to change that in the future.

glossgal

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

Oh give the poor guy a break! He probably does have genuine feelings for this girl but is terrified at the prospect of jumping straight from one relationship into another, and who can blame him?

She either accepts this and they continue as they are. Who knows, it may or may not blossom into a relationship. Or, she takes a step back and keeps it on a friends only basis considering they get along so well, with NO added benefits

However, she does need to stop playing games with him though or trying to make him jealous. That will only ever end in disaster!

Wow! I thought I was in safe territory thinking its odd for a man to cry just because he hasn't spoke to you for a week but maybe not. Maybe its perfectly normal especially when the same man states you will not be part of his future. I've been out of the single life too long!

ostrichnomore_2

I missed the bit about crying when he hasn't seen her for a week. No, that's seriously not normal, whether they were in a relationship or not! I've changed my mind. He's rebounding/got a messed up head/needs to sort himself out again before he gets involved with anyone else. Steer clear.

Tish_P

All you can do is say what you want clearly and show him the respect of believing what he says. If you want commitment and he's not prepared to give it, do yourself a favour and break it off.

Friends-with-benefits affairs can be great fun but not when one of you is pining for more.

neverdespairgirl

meritaten wrote: »

wow - he has all the benefits here - while making it plain you aren't even his 'girlfriend'! if you want more he has the perfect defence. he TOLD you he wasn't looking for a relationship!
he isn't nice hun - I know you think he is - but that is all on the surface, underneath he is selfish and amoral. haven't you wondered WHY he so conveniently became 'available'? I bet his former girlfriend is kicking herself because she was so amenable until someone better (you) came along.

I don't see that it's selfish or amoral, really - he's made it very clear that he isn't up for a relationship or commitment, so the OP can make her own choices.

the_pink_panther_2

He's being straight with you as to what he wants. Perhaps he hasn't elaborated on why.

If this isn't the kind of relationship you want then you should end it. There is a chance he'll value you once he doesn't have you but I wouldn't count on it.

Long term you'd end up with more self respect walking away than were you to accept a situation you weren't happy with. It would ultimately hurt less than him eventually losing interest.

janthemum

Without having read all the other replies so im not biased by them my gut instinct from your post is...
Go with it. there is obviously chemistry, he wants you, just findinding it hard to change what he thinks he should be doing.

All the ticks are in the right boxes, hes texting you all the time doing you favours introducing you to friends.

I really dont believe its just to get in your knickers!

Enjoy it relax a bit.... he has said how upset he was when u wernt in contact.


If he really cares he will be there and i believe he will.

viscachaz

Same thing happened to me.. we ended up having a 9 month relationship, at the end of which, he decided he actually couldn't commit and it was over as he couldn't give me what I needed, and I couldn't live knowing what we had would be it.. don't go there.. back off and find someone who cares about you enough to give you what you need, appreciate you, and not treat you how this guy is.. you're worth more, and it's really really really not worth the heartbreak!