What's going on in this man's head?

dilemma10

I usually turn to MSE for financial advice but I think you guys might be able to shed some perspective on what's going on with me and a guy, which is quite complicated!

I moved into a block of apartments on the same day as my neighbour, a few months ago. We got on like a house on fire but I ignored him in the large in terms of very busy, he had a G/F etc. After 6 or so weeks living here, the penny dropped and I realised I quite liked him...

Anyway he split up with his girlfriend, we started doing favours for each other - cooking, lifts etc and for the last 3 months we have been sleeping with each other.

Why I'm confused - it's not just the physical side, he helps me with DIY, he buys me small gifts, he does odd jobs, he goes to great lengths to cook me dinners, he remembers everything I say and he texts me continuously.

HOWEVER: a few weeks back he said we needed to stop, he has always been quite vocal about not wanting a relationship (he has lots of hobbies, a real bachelor pad and has been in relationships over the last 10 years so needs time out). But he wanted dinners and drinks to continue with me and I said no. We did not talk for a week but he broke the ice with texts and went out of his way to get back in my pocket.

Ever since then we've been up to our usual tricks but it feels more emotionally connected - he is always looking out for me, he has introduced me to a number of his friends, he is always initiating dinners and so on. But last night we had the conversation again about not wanting a relationship, but he said he thought I was gorgeous, funny, enjoys my company more and more as the days go by and again was texting me non-stop again today at work. He also admitted to crying when we did not talk for a week...

What on earth do I do with him? Walk away...?

frugalmacdugal

Hi,

what do you want?

Just enjoy, his girlfriend may appear again, you're a good neighbour, for now.

JemmaM91

I'd walk away, personally.

Although as you really like this man and enjoy his company, say that your not willing to be a 'thing' he could turn to when he's bored/lonely. You want the full package or not at all.

If he refused the full package now he's likely to never want it.

Sorry if its not what u wanted to hear

*max*

In my book, "I don't want a relationship right now" really means "I don't want a relationship WITH YOU". Basically, you're a girlfriend with all the benefits and none of the commitment, ie a slightly more involved "friend with benefits". He has it good.

meames_2

Walk away. He wants to have his cake and to eat it. sorry.

If you can be friends without any 'tricks' then fine but it sounds like you want more and he isn't prepared to give.

I have been in a similar situation, so I can see how tempting this is.

dilemma10

Why is this guy constantly texting me and initiating dinners and being so caring then? Argh?

*max*

dilemma10 wrote: »

Why is this guy constantly texting me and initiating dinners and being so caring then? Argh?

Because he wants to get into your knickers.

dilemma10

*max* wrote: »

Because he wants to get into your knickers.

Haha thanks, grr!

ekoforshow

Enjoy what you had. If you still want more, make him jealous, see if he comes good. Beware though, it is not easy to "break" a serial batchelor.
Be ready to say good bye and mean it if you cannot keep his attention!

TammBikky

Being caring could be the way he is with all girls he gets involved with. have you chatted with any of the people he's introduced you to, do find out if you are part of a pattern? You probbaly are, but you might not be... and if you're not, this sounds like it could be diverted into a beautiful long term smoulder of an affair.

do your research!

peachyprice

Sounds like he wants you as a friend with benefits.