nipping it in the bud

onlyroz

bagpussbear wrote: »

If it was me I would do 2 things. Firstly, I would become friends with her on Facebook, if she does have desires on him, then suddenly you appear a little more 'real' and possibly a bit uncomfortable. If he has no desires, she will be happy to have a new online friend.

I would find it extremely weird if the partner of one of my old friends asked me out the blue to become their facebook "friend", particularly if we had never met.

Calien27

Must remember in future not to tell a friend of the opposite sex that I'm there for them if they need me, cause apparently it secretly means "hey let's have an affair".


OP is snooping on her partner, getting worked up because he's sent a message to an old family friend and some how he's the one in the wrong here :think:

My dad's partner of seven years "intuition" always tells her he's up to something. Why does she suspect something? Because her two last partners cheated on her and made her paranoid.

Guest101

Unfortunately insecure people mke bad assumptions.

the guy's clearly just being nice. Here if you want to talk, means just that. It doesn't mean i'm hanfcuffed in bed with a bottle of chocolate body paint!

If i was him i'd be quite annoyed, especially with a title of nipping it in the bud - there's nothing to nip!

bagpussbear

onlyroz wrote: »

I would find it extremely weird if the partner of one of my old friends asked me out the blue to become their facebook "friend", particularly if we had never met.

Yeah, I know what you mean. But the way I am looking at it is, if this girl does have desires it might scare her a bit that the OP has 'clocked' her. But if totally innocent, then there's nothing wrong in finding a new friend on Facebook. I'm hoping it's the latter.

flashnazia

FBaby wrote: »

I would be shaken too if I found my partner had written these words. The 'I'm here if you need to talk'....is such a lead on. That added to his secrecy about who she is would certainly get me worried, not because I would think he is consciously planning to get on with her, but because it is very much the stereotypical start of how many affairs go.

Saying that, what can you do? He isn't doing anything wrong so you can't start pestering him, that would only make it worse.

Very true.
Usually, a man saying 'I'm here for you' is not the same as when a woman says it. In a nutshell, a woman usually says it as a way of being friendly and nice. A guy may not have the same intentions.

Gavin83

flashnazia wrote: »

Very true.
Usually, a man saying 'I'm here for you' is not the same as when a woman says it. In a nutshell, a woman usually says it as a way of being friendly and nice. A guy may not have the same intentions.

What an ignorant sexist comment.

I've made such a comment (or a variation of) to many friends, both male and female and it was never my intention to try and sleep with any of them. It's just a friendly gesture.

Honestly, I'd say there are equal numbers of women and men who have bad intentions towards people other than their partner.

the_pink_panther_2

I would have felt unnerved in that situation and mentally been going round and round in circles trying to come to a conclusion one way of the other. The not knowing can be a bit of a killer.

I guess it's one of those situations that you can't know the answer for definite because in isolation these things are still too little to go on and could mean anything. To get a better idea it would help to see in context of a bigger picture, which is less likely to happen if your OH feels pressured.

I can say from my own mistakes, that if you were to act on this info alone, you risk regretting your decision to do so, whatever the truth may be.

marisco_2

bagpussbear wrote: »

It never ceases to amaze me why people feel it's ok to read their partner's emails, text messages. Everyone is entitled to their privacy. I just don't understand it ....

I agree with you. In no other relationship that people have with another, would they feel it was okay to snoop on their communication without their knowledge, to see what they were up to. So why do some feel it is okay to do this to their partner, the one person they should be closest to and trust implicitly? I have nothing to hide and if a partner wanted to know something, they could simply ask me and receive an honest and open answer. If someone went behind my back to discover something about me that would annoy and disappoint me.

the_pink_panther_2

marisco wrote: »

I agree with you. In no other relationship that people have with another, would they feel it was okay to snoop on their communication without their knowledge, to see what they were up to. So why do some feel it is okay to do this to their partner, the one person they should be closest to and trust implicitly? I have nothing to hide and if a partner wanted to know something, they could simply ask me and receive an honest and open answer. If someone went behind my back to discover something about me that would annoy and disappoint me.

OP hasn't suggested that it's ok to snoop I don't think. Also, context matters; for instance, some couples are open regarding reading one another's texts, some aren't.

flashnazia

Gavin83 wrote: »

What an ignorant sexist comment.

I've made such a comment (or a variation of) to many friends, both male and female and it was never my intention to try and sleep with any of them. It's just a friendly gesture.

Honestly, I'd say there are equal numbers of women and men who have bad intentions towards people other than their partner.

But men and women are different, in the main. There is no point denying that.

I did say 'usually'.