nipping it in the bud

foolofbeans

New name and new post for me:

I was after opinions on how to handle a non situation :rotfl:

I was on the loo the other day and OH had left his phone in there so I had a look (I know his passcode and he knows mine). In the messages were a few from a woman off Facebook, she had obviously made a status and he had messaged her. She was upset as the dad got to do all the fun stuff and she felt she was the bad parent making the kids get washed and do their homework. OH made a comment about her being a great mum and not to worry and that was it. It ended with him messaging to say anytime she needs to talk he is there.
He has recently made a harmless comment on her status about trying to come to terms with new technology. And he's liked another status and photo.
So it's all fairly innocuous. But I feel upset about it.
We sit together when online and so he can see what I put and I can see what he puts. So I asked him who is that girl and he said just an old friend. But didn't want to say anymore. She is friends with several of his family members so it is somebody from when they were younger.
I have an inkling it is his first love. She moved away with her parents and they tried to stay in touch but the distance was too much.
I feel threatened as he never usually comments unless it's his workmates and I've never known him to private message somebody without my knowledge.

Normally I wouldn't worry as I have always trusted him but this has shaken me. I believe in intuition and mine is saying she is a threat and OH is interested in her. Whether he would ever take it further is anybodys guess as he has never even noticed women comeing onto him but this time he's comeing onto her (not really but it's the first steps imo).

What do I do? I know it's my insecurities but I don't know whether to say anything to him or just leave it and see what happens.

foolofbeans

The woman has children, one of which is a baby but her status is single :-(

duchy

Either you trust your partner or you don't.

If you don't you'll likely drive him into keeping innocuous chat a secret from you.

Are all your FB contacts female or is the odd man in there too- and would he feel he couldn't trust you if you responded to a status posted by a bloke.

Odds are as she is an old family friend he has heard she is having a tough time as a single Mum from other family members and is been nice. Would you rather he was nasty to her ?

On current evidence you're sounding a bit needy -and that you don't trust him. Could this be more about your insecurities than about anything he has done ? Honestly ?

foolofbeans

I know it seems nothing but there is a bit of history.
OH and I were together years ago but spplit up for a few years during which time we had other relationships. We both had stayed in contact and got back together and it has never been an issue with the time spent apart.
But then I never stayed in touch with my ex bf even though we had started as friends and were good friends after we split. OH has an ex on his FB which is fine as she is married but this one bothers me as I'm sure she is an ex but he won't say. Not sure why the secrecy?

Normally I'm very trusting as I would have sworn he would never cheat but there have been two occasions in the past where I have thought things were ok between us and he dropped the bombshell they weren't and was leaving.
Never for anybody else I should clarify.

foolofbeans

I do know a lot of it is my problem and due to past relationship trust issues. My first love cheated on me and I actually said to people at work "if I didn't know any better I'd swear he was cheating". It turned out my intuition was right and so if I feel there is something wrong then there usually is.
I have never carried these trust issues into this relationship before as I decided if a man wants to cheat he will cheat no matter what I do but I have honestly never felt it was a potential unntil now.

Netwizard

The comments sound like him just being nice. Nothing more nothing less.

Threads like this remind me im glad to be single. I wouldnt like it if I had a GF / wife who got suspicious over comments like that, especially on bloody facebook! :rotfl:

Mazzarati2000

Could she be simply a family friend from when they were growing up? Have you ever had reason to feel he is holding back before? I only ask because your post does read as innocent and harmless actions, but once you have a doubt sometimes all the reassurance in the world doesn't help unless you can get to the bottom of what has prompted the feelings. What prompted you to fancy a peep at his phone? I'm not criticising you, just wondering if there was something deep-seated, and maybe even sub-concious, that was niggling away? On it's own, I wouldn't be worried about what you describe, but I'm not in your relationship, are things otherwise going well? Are you having any other extra stresses in life generally, that could be making you question everything?

As for the PM, if that's all it said, then I don't see anything suspicious, especially if she is a family friend of old. It's much better IMHO than putting it in response to a status on a wall for the world to see, and misinterpret ad-lib.

mrcow

If I ever found out that you as my partner had gone on the internet for advice on to stop a relationship with one of my friends (of either sex), I'd seriously consider leaving you. He's big enough and old enough to make his own choices.

You either trust him or you don't.
Your relationship is either strong, or it isn't.

balletshoes

What you've seen on FB all looks harmless to me.
Look at it this way, you have his passwords, he has yours. If he really did want to hide something from you regarding this girl, he'd be a lot more secretive, yes? ie he wouldn't make any comment on the public part of any social network site, and he'd be a lot more posessive with his phone, in my opinion.

angelil

Looks harmless to me as well. How would you feel if he got all antsy with you over the equivalent comments on male friends' statuses? I have male friends. My husband has female friends. There's really no reason why this should be a big deal.

Bazey

I hope you washed your hands. I'm getting sick of hearing how people happily use phones in toilets.

You should be ashamed.