nipping it in the bud

fabforty

foolofbeans wrote: »

I have never carried these trust issues into this relationship before as I decided if a man wants to cheat he will cheat no matter what I do but I have honestly never felt it was a potential unntil now.

The fact that you went into his phone and read his messages in the first place, screams 'lack of trust' to me. OH and I don't do Facebook but I we know each others passwords our phones and email accounts - it wouldn't cross my mind to read his messages.

cloudy11

Sounds completely harmless to me and just as though he was being a nice friend. Does it being on Facebook make it more 'serious' than if he had said it to her face? Because it sounds like something a normal, nice person would say to cheer someone up.

If you don't trust your partner though, you will always read into things and it will drive you crazy.

I find it really odd as well that he would tell you ever time he private messaged someone- surely you can both have conversations with other people without automatically assuming cheating?! If you can't, then I would look further at your relationship, because I really don't think that is normal.

FBaby

I would be shaken too if I found my partner had written these words. The 'I'm here if you need to talk'....is such a lead on. That added to his secrecy about who she is would certainly get me worried, not because I would think he is consciously planning to get on with her, but because it is very much the stereotypical start of how many affairs go.

Saying that, what can you do? He isn't doing anything wrong so you can't start pestering him, that would only make it worse.

PenguinOfDeath

I have recently got back in touch with an ex colleague due to him having a baby, the odd text, like on FB etc. If my OH thought that meant I was now intending to sleep with this old friend due to these actions I'd be pretty annoyed!

Obviously this is more to do with his past record rather than a couple of presses of a keyboard

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Seriously? A nice guy says something nice and it instantly means he must be about to have an affair?


Poor bloke.

Treevo

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Seriously? A nice guy says something nice and it instantly means he must be about to have an affair?


Poor bloke.

This.

OP - you're going to end up driving him away with this.

marisco_2

I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. The messages are completely innocent and sent from a phone that you have access to and know the passcode for. I do wonder why you are letting such normal interaction between two friends worry you so much? Either you feel you trust your husband or you don't. Be careful not to let you own insecurities cause problems over this.

maman

I don't think there's anything to concern yourself about. If it was an old mate/family friend who was a guy you wouldn't be thinking like this.

What concerns me more is the lack of privacy. I wouldn't dream of looking at my DH's phone history any more than I'd open his mail.

milliemonster

Absolutely agree with jojo, my oh speaks to his ex fiancee on FB, privately aswell and I have NO issues at all with that, she's even asked him to meet up for a drink with him sometime and I have no problem with that if he wants, I would never in a million years read his phone messages, private FB messages etc and I trust him completely, we are soulmates and best friends and love each other very much, but I accept he has old friends and old relationships and it doesn't matter to me whether they are male or female or whether he was previously involved with them or not, I know what he feels about me and how strong we are so I have no reason to stifle him.

Whether you have had issues with relationships in the past or not, your current partner has obviously never cheated on you, you are being grossly unfair on him by comparing him to your past exes and expecting him to behave the same, just because he is being 'nice' to someone on facebook

Peater

reee! reee! reee!