age differences between couples?

j.e.j.

It's good to hear people's experiences, good and bad!

I guess in the case of the wedding I am going to, 30 and 55 is quite a big gap, and thinking about it, in 5 years time they'll be 35 and 60! Quite a sobering thought, really.

I've never actually met the guy, so I don't know if he's young at heart, maybe he is!

There are some famous examples of couples with a big age gap, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones, for instance, but then they don't exactly live 'normal' kind of lives anyway :rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

Lieja wrote: »

I'm 25 and my partner is 41, we've been together 4 years and lived together 2 and a half.

People do raise an eyebrow now and then, but I suppose 16 years isn't too many!

There is 16 years between my parents. They were about 35 and 51 when they got married.

There is 10 years between me and my husband. We, and anyone else for that matter have never had any issues with it. Although his Mam did make one small comment when we got together "She does know how old you are doesn't she?!". :rotfl:

bitemebankers

I married a woman 10 years my senior. We were together for nearly 12 years in total; now separated pending divorce. The age difference wasn't the main issue, but I don't think it helped either.

Person_one

j.e.j. wrote: »

Well, if they are happy that's the main thing. But you say they married 3 years ago, so aged 18 and 36? that does sound a bit.. unusual!

Sounds even more 'unusual' when SDW adds in that they were 15 and 33 when they got together.

Age gaps between adults who have reached maturity and are living independently are one thing, adults pursuing children is quite another!

Georgiegirl256

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Have you thought about leaving him and getting your life back? your young enough to find someone your own age and be out and about having a good time.Leave him to it I say, you dont owe him anything, you only live once. Or if you cant be bothered with all the faff of leaving then you could look for someone on the side as well.

How bloody nasty is that? Yeah, just go and leave the poor bloke....

hgotsparkle

When I was 20 I went out with a man that was 29 - he constantly spoke to me like I was a child, tried to belittle me, and did actually try to treat me like a child!Would never ever go beyond a 3yr gap now!
Theres 2 years between me and OH and I'm extremely happy with that!
Age gaps just aren't for me!

daisiegg

This is relevant to me as my husband is 15 years older than me.

When we got together, people did find it very strange. My parents hated it and thought there was no way he could have honourable intentions. His mum hated it and thought I could only be a gold digger (he has a pretty high earning job). My friends thought it was just odd. We did used to get people looking at us in the street.

Over the years (we have been together 4 years) it has become less of a problem. I think part of it is me maturing in looks - at 21, when we first met, I looked about 16. Now I look my age and we never get any funny stares when out in public. It helps that he looks younger than he is, too. I also mostly socialise with work colleagues who are much closer to his age than mine, anyway, so I seem to get on very well naturally with people older than me.

I think for me, it helps that we are at similar stages in life in terms of what we want. I have always known I wanted to get married and have children and, ideally, to stay at home with them when they are little. He wants the same thing out of a relationship. However, if I look at the men I know who are my age - particularly those I was at school or university with - there is not a single one who is settled or anywhere near ready for marriage and children. The vast majority of them are still studying, travelling, living with parents, not found their career yet, partying wildly, etc. None of my friends of my own age are married or anywhere near getting married yet. So, if I were to have gone out with someone my own age, I would still be waiting around for years yet to be able to have what I really want in life. Going out with someone older has meant that he was already ready for that, whereas men (boys?!) my age aren't, for the most part. Indeed, I was with a boy only a year older than me for 5 years before I met my husband (he dumped me for a younger girl!) and if I look at what he is doing now, he is still bumming around, trying to make it with his 'band', flitting between minimum wage jobs and not making any use of his degree. That's fine for him and I'm sure he and his girlfriend are having loads of fun, but that's not where I would want to be now.

Do I worry about the future? To be honest, yes, I really do. At the moment 15 years is nothing but I am very aware that when I am 65 and he is 80, it will be a huge difference (I have read statistics though that say that men married to younger women live longer and are healthier in old age!). I don't think I have rose tinted glasses and I do think about this a lot and worry about it.

However, the way I think about it, you never know what life is going to hold. I can pick out any number of tales - my aunty who was married to a man her own age who died of cancer at 28. A friend's parents, where the wife was 10 years older than the husband, but the husband (the younger partner) became very ill and died of a brain tumour when in his 50s. My great Aunty who is married to a man 21 years older than her and who is very much his carer, now that he is nearly 90, and has been living an 'old lady' life much before other people of her age would. But on the other hand, my grandparents, who are the same age, and where my granddad has had to be my grandma's carer for years - never mind that she is no older than him.

I just think, you really don't know what will happen in life. I could still die before him. I could develop an illness and need caring for. If I married someone my own age, he could get cancer or get hit by a bus or develop an illness. You can't help who you fall in love with, and my husband and I fell very deeply in love very quickly. I wasn't then about to stop and say "yes, I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'd better not because I may end up being his carer or he may die before me". If I had done that, who's to say I would have met someone else my own age? What if the next person I met and fell for was 25 years older?! Or what if I just didn't meet someone else who was right for years and years, and wasted all those young years when I could have been so happy with my husband? What if I met someone else and fell in love, only to find he never wanted children, when I desperately do? Etc......all these things can happen.

Yes, ok, ideally, I would have fallen in love with someone the same age as me or a couple of years older, who was ready for marriage and babies at the same time as me, who was affluent enough to support a family and had all the same wonderful qualities as my husband. But that didn't happen and who's to say, if I hadn't married my husband, that it ever would have happened? As I already said, men my own age who want to get married and have babies now, and who already have stable enough careers to support a family are few and far between (I know - I have enough single female friends who tell me this constantly!).

So, there is my take on it. Yes, it is not ideal to have a big age gap. Yes, I am very aware that things might be difficult when we are older, and I do worry about it a lot. However, I don't think any of that is reason enough not to go for it with the person you truly love. There is absolutely no guarantee that you will be lucky enough to meet someone who is the same age and ticks all the right boxes. There is also definitely no guarantee that if you do meet that person who is perfect AND the same age, that you STILL won't end up widowed young, or as a carer.

red_devil

there are lots of relationships between people of the same age that break down every day dont people see that.

Its how you get on and gel not the age at all?

red_devil

Do I worry about the future? To be honest, yes, I really do. At the moment 15 years is nothing but I am very aware that when I am 65 and he is 80, it will be a huge difference (I have read statistics though that say that men married to younger women live longer and are healthier in old age!). I don't think I have rose tinted glasses and I do think about this a lot and worry about it.

There isnt any need to worry you will be hardly young yourself at 65 and you may not even be alive but you know that.

You grab happiness while you can. I wish people wouldnt start stupid threads on age gaps. They are just relationships like anyone elses!

Until people stop discussing it and making a thing of unfortunately the ignorance and stupidity will go on.

System

An older man? No I cant see the attraction. A younger man? I should be so lucky!:o