age differences between couples?

ibizafan_2

I was married to someone 22 years older than me, and unfortunately it didn't work out, but lasted fifteen years and we have two great sons who are now 28 and 31. My parents might have had reservations at the time but never said anything at the time. My ex went on to marry someone closer to his own age, and I am with someone exactly the same age as me. All I can say is that when things start going wrong, the age gap doesn't help. Although I am sure that plenty of people make a go of it, it's not something that I would repeat. As we have an amicable relationship, I do occasionally see my ex husband, but now I am 60 and he is 82, the age gap seems much larger than it did when I was 26 and he was 48.

BitterAndTwisted

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Have you thought about leaving him and getting your life back? You're young enough to find someone your own age and be out and about having a good time. Leave him to it I say, you don't owe him anything, you only live once. Or if you can't be bothered with all the faff of leaving then you could look for someone on the side as well.

!!!!!!? Is this supposed to be some sort of a joke? If so, I'd say it was in extremely poor taste. The poster has admitted that she loves her husband and you're suggesting she casts him off like a pair of worn-out shoes. "For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health". Any of that mean anything to you?

Corblimey, I pity your poor life-partner. Or would that be "OK until it becomes inconvenient or I start sh@gging someone more youthful and exciting"?

Shame on you!

Gloomendoom

It seems that there are a fair few couples where the male is older than the female but not so many the other way around.

red_devil

ive only read the op, how judemental what business is it of anyone elses and who are they to judge. go round at the wedding and you will see that there will be lots of people who have been married and divorced to people of the same age.

fishybusiness

As the older one in our relationship, I do think about the 'what if's' when I get older.

The way I deal with it is to think that there are different 'what if's' in any relationship, and there is not law that I know of that says two people will stay together whatever life throws at them.

We work on our relationship, we deal with our life, look out for our kids, and in the end if something happens, it will.

Enjoy life as it comes :beer:

loobylou2

e with at times so

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

!!!!!!? Is this supposed to be some sort of a joke? If so, I'd say it was in extremely poor taste. The poster has admitted that she loves her husband and you're suggesting she casts him off like a pair of worn-out shoes. "For richer and poorer, in sickness and in health". Any of that mean anything to you?

Corblimey, I pity your poor life-partner. Or would that be "OK until it becomes inconvenient or I start sh@gging someone more youthful and exciting"?

Shame on you!

Thanks Bitter and Twisted, For What its worth I do love my husband, he still manages to make me laugh even though he is a difficult man to live with at times so having an affair or leaving him isn't an option. I value the commitment I've made to him and our family. Even though life with him is far from easy at times I would never behave in a way which would cause hurt to either him or our children. I think too much of him for that. However, I agree with Ibizafan and would not become involved in a relationship with a man who was much older than me if the opportunity to do so ever arose in my lifetime again.

marisco_2

I think that the older a person gets, the less the size of an age gap in their relationship matters. If someone is 16 and starts to date a 26 year old, that is a big age gap because presumably the 16 year old is still at school, and the 26 year old is working so they will be at very different stages in their lives. But if a 26 year old is dating a 40 year old they may both be in the working world and have more in common. There are many people in relationships with large age gaps who are very happy together. However I think being in the same 'stage of life' helps to keep a couple connected.

To me a 25 year age gap seems like a lot. However this couple are old enough to be mature and have a sense of what they want from life. Their friends and family just need to be happy for them, and to hope that they have really thought things through before making this level of commitment to each other.

Becky_Boo

There is a 27 year age gap between my mum and my stepdad - She was 28, he was 55 when they first met. Next month they are celebrating their 20 year anniversary. Many raised eyebrows and whisperings behind their backs at the time - but gradually everyone just accepted it, as they were (and are) clearly happy and have spent a great 20 years together.
My OH is 10 years older than me and no one has battered an eyelid.(possibly because he acts about 20 years younger than he is!)

cte1111

CH27 wrote: »

I went to a hospital appointment with my Dad recently.
The consultant shook hands with Dad & I the asked my relationship to Dad.
Apparantly he's been caught out a lot in the past assuming someone is a son or daughter when actually they are husband, wife or partner so now he always clarifies the relationship.

When I was with my Dad in hospital, I was once asked if I was his wife. My Dad was over 30 years older than me (and looked older as he was ill) so I was a bit shocked!

I've never been out with anyone more than a couple of years older than me. It's not a conscious preference, I've just never been attracted to younger or older men, like having things in common. I can understand why some people are though, we're all different.

marisco_2

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Have you thought about leaving him and getting your life back? your young enough to find someone your own age and be out and about having a good time.Leave him to it I say, you dont owe him anything, you only live once. Or if you cant be bothered with all the faff of leaving then you could look for someone on the side as well.

Wow, maybe it is just me but that comes across as a very cold and callous way to look at things. I am stunned that you are suggesting the above, to someone who has advised that they love their partner of 17 years, and don't regret getting involved with them. The poster stated that she is now very aware of how the age gap between herself and her husband will impact her future. She has also acknowledged that if she had her time again, knowing what she does now, she would have made different choices. That is not the same as wanting to bail out or to even consider having a bit on the side.