age differences between couples?

fishybusiness

Theres 32 years between myself and my OH and we've been together for 17 years and have 3 children together. It is getting harder as we are both getting older and I often feel more like his carer than his partner. I'm no longer in my twenties but in my forties now and he is no longer in his fifties but in his seventies. Do I love him, the answer is yes, Do I regret getting involved with him, the answer is no as we have 3 beautiful children together. If I could go back 17 years and do it all again knowing what I know now would I do it again, the answer would be no, absolutely not and I wouldn't be happy if one of my children got involved with someone so much older although I fully realise that I would be in absolutely no position to comment. I thought I went into my relationship with my eyes wide open towards what the future may bring but sometimes these days think that I must have been wearing rose tinted glasses at the time!!!!!

We have children, 6 and 7 years old and my OH copes better than me energy wise. At 45 I've been through stem cell treatment and it does make a difference, my energy levels are less than they were before treatment. I make up for it in other ways, so I look after house diy, finances, and other bits and pieces, takes the hassle away from my partner.

All things being equal I expect the same can be said of most age gap couples as the years go by. I guess it is how you cope that counts

vickys8722

I think people are always going to gossip if there are some variables where the couple are of two extremes age, one beauty/one beast, height etc

In terms of age diffs, I am attending a civil partnership ceremony soon and there is quite an age difference (21 and *cough* a fair bit older) but I think it's all about personality compatibility, if your interests and lifestyles match and you get along, I'm sure many couples with extreme age differences are blissfully happy, perhaps even more so those of us with same-ages partners went to a wedding recently where the bride's parents ,back in the day, had to tackle a major family rift because they were such different ages between them, they're happier than ever 20 odd years later

dandelionclock30

loobylou2 wrote: »

Theres 32 years between myself and my OH and we've been together for 17 years and have 3 children together. It is getting harder as we are both getting older and I often feel more like his carer than his partner. I'm no longer in my twenties but in my forties now and he is no longer in his fifties but in his seventies. Do I love him, the answer is yes, Do I regret getting involved with him, the answer is no as we have 3 beautiful children together. If I could go back 17 years and do it all again knowing what I know now would I do it again, the answer would be no, absolutely not and I wouldn't be happy if one of my children got involved with someone so much older although I fully realise that I would be in absolutely no position to comment. I thought I went into my relationship with my eyes wide open towards what the future may bring but sometimes these days think that I must have been wearing rose tinted glasses at the time!!!!!

Have you thought about leaving him and getting your life back? your young enough to find someone your own age and be out and about having a good time.Leave him to it I say, you dont owe him anything, you only live once. Or if you cant be bothered with all the faff of leaving then you could look for someone on the side as well.

pinkmami

My husband is 11 and a half year older than me (I'm 38) and we've been together for 15 years, married, 3 kids and a huge mortgage!

And very very happy x

j.e.j.

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I once made a gaff when I was out with friends. A friend of a friend turned up with a much older man and I said hello XXXX, is this your Dad?, lol.
It wasnt it was her boyfriend.

You've just reminded me of an old colleague of mine. She was 32 (but tbh looked older) and her boyf was 19. Another worker did unwittingly say she saw this colleague with her son the other day.. and was then a bit embarrassed to be told it wasn't in fact her son, it was her other half!

I dunno, if the age gap looks that big to outsiders that you're being confused for your boyfriend's mum it's a bit embarrassing.

But, they both seemed very happy despite the friction it was causing among other people, not least his parents, who wouldn't speak to her! So what can you say, really. It's other people's lives, isn't it, not ours..

bargainbetty

A 37 year old friend of mine starting dating a 19 year old. All his friends withheld comment, until he bought a 20 year old classic car. Then the jokes began....

He had no intention of a long term relationship, just liked being with a younger woman. Neither of them could introduce them to their friends in a big way, because there was no common ground - she was barely an adult.

BugglyB

maman wrote: »

There's only 6 months between DH and I so not something I have experience of.

DH and I have often discussed this because when he's been out with one of our (grown up) daughters people have sometimes assumed that they are an item. He says he would find it incredibly difficult to have a relationship with a younger woman as they'd have so little in common as so many life experiences wouldn't have been shared over the years. He's talking about everything from music and travelling to education and politics.

I can see where he's coming from but as I have a number of girlfriends a lot older/younger than me I think there's a lot more than age to compatibility.

Yes I get this, especially as I still sometimes hold hands with my dad (I'm 30) and we don't look that similar.

I had a funny time with a woman in a cafe when I went to get some extra tea and she said 'do you need some for your...ahhh...armmmmm...' she settled on 'companion' which made me really laugh, bless her, I told her he was my dad and we had a giggle about it.

Some age difference relationships do work, I don't think personally I would want to go out with anyone under around 22, or over the age of 50, but, I wouldn't judge others.

Crystallady

There’s almost 20 years betweenmyself and my hubby and we've been together for 40 years, married for 36 andeveryone said it wouldn’t last!

For the first 20 odd years it didn't make any difference to us at all, but it has gotten harder especiallyover the last 5 years , he now has poor health and we are both getting older, I’mlate 50s. I sometimes feel more like his carer than his partner but I signed upfor “in sickness and in health” and I am just glad I am healthy enough to takecare of him when he’s unwell.

I still love him and can’t imaginelife without him, though I see the inevitability of that each time he is ill - soI make sure we share all the time we can.

However it isn’t easy and I’m notsure that I would encourage our son to get involved with someone so much older withoutmaking him aware of the realities of old age, but if it was his choice who am Ito comment?

anderson8

Zogger wrote: »

It's pretty bad that you have children with a ten year old...

(sorry, first thing I thought of )

nearly 14 years difference w/ 1 toddler and I'm 27...

I only wrote it that way as I'm 28 and hubby is 47, so is just over 18 years older. And I thought someone would comment on my maths.

the_pink_panther_2

Had a friend who married a guy 20 years older than herself. When they were engaged, her dad was at the same time engaged to her fiance's ex-wife. I figured that her fiance's son would be both her step-son and step-brother. Couldn't figure out if that would also mean that she would actually be her own step mother?!?