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DUTR

Wannabehappy wrote: »

Hi thanks all for your input.
I think I was hoping to hear from some women who had felt the same as me but managed to come to terms with it, and how they had accepted it....
Or those who had decided to leave, and did they feel they made the right decision for them.
I have probablly grown up in a prudish household and was a bit 'behind the door' so to speak. So this is taking some getting used to. And will take time for me to decide what is right for me.
We are all different after all.

Obviously I'm not a woman, however is the chap you are with the only long term partner you have had? !!!!!! itself is filth, erotica is different however various people have various levels of what they would call pornagraphic, just seems your level is different to your partner's, just looking here in a free magazine called stylist, there is an advert for neverundressed , now to me the pics there are erotic but there is no nudity in that whatsoever.

geoffky

carrot-cake wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel OP I have been through this myself. All those saying 'it's just what men do and get used to it'. No it isn't. Thats just to make themsleves feel better because those saying it have a !!!!!! habit too!

Don't ever 'try' to turn a blind eye to something that upsets you and DON'T try to change your thoughts on !!!!!! just for the sake of his dirty habit. Its his problem. Why should you change when you've done nothing wrong?

If he can't understand how much it upsets you and talk to you about it to mend your relationship then I would be walking away.

I turned the tables on my partner because I would purposely make sure my history contained naked men and he hated it! it really made him realise that its not nice to find!

Where i would be saying if that turns you on then fine by me and if it improved our relationship then even better...Games are for children to play.

eschaton

OP - look on the bright side, it could be worse.

Another recent poster recently married has got a husband looking at gay !!!!!!, wanting to chat in gay chat rooms, wanting to meet another man and claims he is bisexual.

There is always someone worse than yourself

DUTR

carrot-cake wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel OP I have been through this myself. All those saying 'it's just what men do and get used to it'. No it isn't. Thats just to make themsleves feel better because those saying it have a !!!!!! habit too!

Don't ever 'try' to turn a blind eye to something that upsets you and DON'T try to change your thoughts on !!!!!! just for the sake of his dirty habit. Its his problem. Why should you change when you've done nothing wrong?

If he can't understand how much it upsets you and talk to you about it to mend your relationship then I would be walking away.

I turned the tables on my partner because I would purposely make sure my history contained naked men and he hated it! it really made him realise that its not nice to find!

It's not you with their children though, after all the agro of house selling etc, all the chap has to cough up is 20% net, and like it or not the market out there leaves the saying a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush rings true very true. If the guy didn't open his eyes and have any desire in him, would he have been with the OP in the 1st place? If the OP does decide to leave that is up to her finally and foremost.

Fosterdog

Wannabehappy wrote: »

Hi thanks all for your input.
I think I was hoping to hear from some women who had felt the same as me but managed to come to terms with it, and how they had accepted it....
Or those who had decided to leave, and did they feel they made the right decision for them.
I have probablly grown up in a prudish household and was a bit 'behind the door' so to speak. So this is taking some getting used to. And will take time for me to decide what is right for me.
We are all different after all.

I also grew up in a prudish household, if anything it made me more rebellious and adventurous when I got away from there.

You may not want to and you don't have to but I really would recommend you finding some time to yourself (send hubby out to take the kids to the park) and have a look at some yourself. It's not all fake, plastic men and women, some are genuine realistic people not doing anything too over the top and it's actually quite erotic. You may be pleasantly surprised with what you find and may find yourself opening up to some new ideas that you previously wouldn't even consider. If watching !!!!!! really doesn't seem like your thing try reading some erotic literature, it can be quite tastefully done and well written and only gets as intimate as your imagination.

If you consider it and need some ideas of where to look drop me a PM and I'll send you some tasteful links. Nobody else will have to know whether you ever look or not.

jacques_chirac

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Very well put, totally agree here. How can she feel comfortable as in her mind he is comparing her unfavourably

Has he said this? The OP does not state he has.

Your narrow minded view sadly means you do not understand the reasons why people (yes, both sexes) watch !!!!!!. It is not about seeing something better than what you have at home, it is to see something different, or simply to satisfy an urge at a given moment.

My partner watches !!!!!!, as do I. Occasionally he'll say "I saw someone that looked like you ..." but otherwise he'll tell me more about the acts that he saw, not the individual women. Equally I do not watch looking for a more attractive man - even if there were other problems in the relationship I wouldn't be lusting after some random actor!

OP, sit down and talk to your partner, ask him what he enjoys about it (not 'why he does it' - that is accusatory). Once you know this, you can make a decision as to whether you want to understand and accept, or whether you wish to take a different path. Until you know why he does it, you're never going to understand.

carrot-cake_2

Wannabehappy wrote: »

I know it is unrealistic of me to expect a zero tolerance policy and ask him to stop. I appreciate that men are wired differently. I also appreciate that we are at a point in our lives with small children when intimate time is hard to do without schedule!....
However, If I am to stay in this marriage then I need to reach a point of acceptance,I think, which will mean turning a blind eye, and not getting upset when he is messing about on the phone when running the kids bath, or me being worried when I go to be earlier than he, I will be wondering what he's looking at, if it's something that's missing in our life, as it were.

He says no,by the way, he says there is nothing extra, he is not specifically looking at anything he just browses it he says he can offer no explanation.

Sorry this is just my opinion and experience so please don't all jump down my throat people. !!!!!! in my eyes, unless watched by both parties and enjoyed in a relationship, is something that men do when they are bored with their marraige/relationship, then !!!!!! becomes boring too so they want a little bit more, so they start talking to other women via facebook/dating sites/sex texting sites, then this turns into meeting up with other women.

When they start deleting history, hiding their phone, won't let you go near their phone, password everything. Then you know you're not just being paranoid.

I really hope you can work things out and your husband is understanding. Its ok for people to say you shouldn't feel the way you feel about !!!!!!.....but they are not you. And everyone feels differently about different things so please don't think this is something you just have to come to terms with x

Calien27

"All those saying 'it's just what men do and get used to it'. No it isn't. Thats just to make themsleves feel better because those saying it have a !!!!!! habit too!"

Fact is most men do enjoy looking at !!!!!!, they are visual creatures, and I say this as a woman who also watches it, not to "make myself feel better" because of some fictitious habit dreamed up by someone who doesn't enjoy watching it.

If it's all perfectly legal stuff, there is nothing shameful about enjoying pornography, either on your own or as a couple.

If it's not your thing, that's fine, everyone is different, just don't try and shame or embarrass people who do like it.

DUTR

carrot-cake wrote: »

Sorry this is just my opinion and experience so please don't all jump down my throat people. !!!!!! in my eyes, unless watched by both parties and enjoyed in a relationship, is something that men do when they are bored with their marraige/relationship, then !!!!!! becomes boring too so they want a little bit more, so they start talking to other women via facebook/dating sites/sex texting sites, then this turns into meeting up with other women.

When they start deleting history, hiding their phone, won't let you go near their phone, password everything. Then you know you're not just being paranoid.

I really hope you can work things out and your husband is understanding. Its ok for people to say you shouldn't feel the way you feel about !!!!!!.....but they are not you. And everyone feels differently about different things so please don't think this is something you just have to come to terms with x

I don't recall anybody saying that on the thread.

carrot-cake_2

geoffky wrote: »

Where i would be saying if that turns you on then fine by me and if it improved our relationship then even better...Games are for children to play.

Yes but its ok for a man to say to his partner who's upset 'whats your problem? Theres nothing wrong with men looking at naked women....its a learning curve'.

Wasn't a learning curve when the boot was on the other foot though?

If you and your partner enjoy looking at filth then good for you. Other people are a bit more sensitive especially when its done behind their back making them feel paranoid that there could be more going on!