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bagpussbear

geoffky wrote: »

!!!!!! is your problem..Not your husbands.

It will be her husband's if she chooses to end the marriage, lol!

DUTR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

To me and I suspect the OP it does mean that he doesn't find her to be the look he wants or why else look at it. this may not be true but it's how it would feel to me.




While counselling for the marriage may be good why should she come to peace with him being so selfish?

Perhaps counselling is good, but a ban on what he finds pleasurable is equally selfish, as mentioned earlier it depends on how he relates his pleasure into their lives.

Wannabehappy wrote: »

I agree Torry quinne. I have thought about counselling but I am so so mad at the moment for him carrying on with this habit, knowing it hurt my feelings.so going for counselling, well I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that or prepared to do that 'for' him when he's done nothing to try to change.
I have had children, sacrificed my career somehwat to have kids,always took responsibility for most things, been a good wife, really. I feel like this is the thanks I get.can't help but feel angry

I know many the children are the pinnacle of the parents lives, but they soon grow up and a partnership does not have to cease due to new additions to the household, that said you feel the way you do and that is your right as an individual.

Look at it in a more simplistic way, if you just purchased or owned a very nice home, would that stop you from looking at other nice houses? It doesn't mean you want to move or live in the other house.

Torry_Quine

Fosterdog wrote: »

But we also don't know how often she wants sex compared to how often he does, whether it happens to be at the same time and how often they actually have sex.

I have PCOS and sometimes I can go a few weeks in too much pain to have sex, it's not that I don't want to but can't. I'd rather OH has some release by watching !!!!!! than having a load of pent up sexual tension that makes him irritable and grumpy. Again not his fault if no sex has that effect on him it's his hormones

We'll have to disagree here. There have been times in our marriage when one of us has for some reason not wanted or been able to have sex but the other has understood and been patient.

Rain_Shadow

Torry_Quine wrote: »

As someone who has never owned a 'sex toy' or read 50 shades I agree with your reasoning here. However I don't think that masturbation is appropriate in a marriage. If your spouse doesn't want sex then it's not necessary in my opinion to do anything. By the way she hasn't even mentioned whether he does masturbate.:o

Are you serious?

Actually I know enough to know you are.

And

Hahahaha 'she hasn't even mentioned if he masturbates'

Nope he really loves analysing the dialogue.

SavingPennies_2

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Actually it was suggested she gets counselling to be able to come to terms with his habit. The problem is both of theirs as it's affecting the marriage



I agree but on one time on MSE when I suggested that it wasn't usual to be contactable on your mobile at work I was seen as strange.

Personally I can be contacted at work, but I don't want to be because i think its unproffesional and i want to keep myprivate life separate. Some people are happy to chat to family members on the phone in the office, personally I don't want everyone listening to my conversation. I think it being impossible to be contacted at work maybe is odd (depending on job obv) but choosing to miss calls or have your phone on silent isn't. Not everyone wants to be in a meeting or sat in a quiet office when the OH rings on the phone wanting to know what youre up to or have a chat.

Rain_Shadow

bagpussbear wrote: »

It will be her husband's if she chooses to end the marriage, lol!

I doubt it, lol.

Fosterdog

Torry_Quine wrote: »

We'll have to disagree here. There have been times in our marriage when one of us has for some reason not wanted or been able to have sex but the other has understood and been patient.

You think that the other has understood, can you be 100% sure that your parter has never watched !!!!!!, masturbated, read a lads mag, leered at a page 3 girl while at work, perved at a young hot 20yr old wearing tight clothes in the middle of a heat wave and later though about them while in the bath or shower?

Unless you have spent every minute of your lives together you don't know for sure, they may say they haven't but that doesn't mean they haven't.

We will have to disagree because while I know 100% that if I told OH it's upset and hurt me for him to watch !!!!!! while I was having a flare up he wouldn't do it, but I don't have a problem with him watching it so don't see why he should suffer just because I am, it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

DUTR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

As someone who has never owned a 'sex toy' or read 50 shades I agree with your reasoning here. However I don't think that masturbation is appropriate in a marriage. If your spouse doesn't want sex then it's not necessary in my opinion to do anything. By the way she hasn't even mentioned whether he does masturbate.

Does the question have to be asked?
99% do the other 1% are liars.
A ban on masturbation is definately a step to far, next it will be who was that woman I dreamt you were talking to last night? :eek:

bagpussbear

Rain_Shadow wrote: »

I doubt it, lol.

what do you mean? doubt she'll end the marriage?

Netwizard

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I don't think that masturbation is appropriate in a marriage. .

Not even masturbating for each other or having a bit of fun? christ, that would be a boring marriage / sex life!

Glad i'm single! I can please myself with none of these worries :rotfl:

As said above. 99% masturbate, then other 1% are liars! so true