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burnoutbabe

And if you chose to watch something together, you can choose from a whole range of "nice stuff" made by women, for women.

(and one has to be careful when watching the online stuff with one's partner, comments like "oh what nasty curtains" don't enhance the mood)

heartbreak_star

It's just !!!!!!. The difference is, you're real

My ex watched it when I didn't feel like sex. Never bothered me

HBS x

DUTR

Wannabehappy wrote: »

No I hadn't , if I am honest, realised how common a thing it is, and it never occurred to me to talk about it before marriage. As it hadn't been something in my life, it never occurred for me to discuss. I first found some on his laptop after the birth of our first child, when obviously he may have not been getting enough physical intimacy - I was huge- so i was a bit upset,when I found it, given that my physical appearance had changed and I thought he must have found me not nice to look at. I've since got my figure back but it hasn't made a difference.... I feel I may be the only person in the world that takes it as a bit of an insult that he has to look elsewhere to be turned on

Remember both genders are different, just because he looks doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive. I could understand the problem more if he was expecting you to be like the ladies you see. Or parading it in your face.

Wannabehappy_2

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iammumtoone

I caught my ex at it due to the fact the PC got a virus and when I investigated it came from a !!!!!! site. I went mad, not due to the face he was looking at !!!!!! (strangely enough that doesn't bother me) but that it put a virus on the PC which I use for all my banking etc. I told him not to use the sites again and to buy a magazine or a DVD!

He did continue to use the PC, I found out by looking at the history so I went mad again (again not due to him looking at the !!!!!! but trust had gone and I felt he was putting my personal details at risk - virus are rife among free !!!!!! sites). He then must have spoken to his mates about it as from then on he learnt how to clear the history but I could still tell he was looking thought the cookies, he denied it and never did know how I could tell :-)

hayday75

If that's all he's doing i would'nt worry ,have caught my husband a few times and must admit i thought " why didn't he just ask me" lol

southcoastrgi

it's like i said most men get turned on by a visual thing, while women it's about love & feelings.

there is a reason why you have a draw full of underwear & he has 6 pairs of boxers, there is a reason why there is hundreds of top shelve mags aimed at men but only a handful aimed at women, there is a reason why places like ann summers are always busy selling sexy clothes for women & not one dedicated just for men, just because he looks doesn't mean you don't turn him on or that he doesn't love you

Torry_Quine

southcoastrgi wrote: »

really so her husband sits with her gets excited then what leaves her in bed & goes off to the loo on his own ? get real, if this was to happen then he has no feelings for her anyway,

yes it is true, some do it more than others but we all do it or have done it

I don't know the details obviously, any more than you.

Even if all men have in the past looked at !!!!!! that doesn't make it acceptable to continue to do it to the detriment of the marriage you are in.

bagpussbear

Some folks are less bothered by !!!!!! than others, for some its a deal breaker.

For me it's a deal breaker. I genuinely don't understand why a husband or wife who is happy, in love and having regular sex with their partner would need to look at !!!!!!. But that's just how I feel. Realise some couples look at it together, each to their own I guess.

So what it comes down to is whether this is a deal breaker for YOU and if so, then give your hubby an ultimatum. I know you have kiddies involved, so its not going to be easy. But you need to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life with low self esteem, constantly comparing yourself to the fantasy women on screen etc. and consequently not having your needs met in the bedroom because you now feel "stupid".

I think a heart to heart with your husband is needed, tell him exactly what you've told us here.

Only you can decide whether you can turn a blind eye, or not. But really .... should you have to :-(

burnoutbabe

you also have to think - if i left this man over it, would any future man agree to no !!!!!!/no self pleasure?

as it seems unlikely many would agree to this. some would of course. And some would say they agree but do it anyway.